To be annoyed sisters boyfriend wants to spend time with us

[CoralKoala]

I need some advice!

I (33f) really dislike my sister’s (22f) boyfriend (28m)… and she doesn’t know this. I have always been polite but in reality I can’t stand him. I have only offered opinion when asked and told her I am not sure she is the one for her.
A little bit of context- he is really immature and generally just acts and talks like a teenager.
To put it nicely, he is not particularly smart and it is difficult to hold a conversation. He has no interests or just general knowledge on normal topics/ life events/ historical events.. honestly just.. blank.
All his comments in a conversation are summed down to laughter.
He is also a mooch- it annoys me I have been covering the bills whenever we go out together or order takeaway. Not only he will not offer to pay his share but will not say thank you either.
He moved in with my sister a few months ago and she had to cover the first month of bills and rent for him as he didn’t have enough money before starting work. She is struggling herself and he knows this so that infuriated me.
I can continue but this is enough to paint the picture.
We were due to go on holiday together this summer (plus my husband and mum) but sister and boyfriend broke up (wohoo)
I wanted to treat my family to a nice holiday- so when this opportunity struck when they separated I cancelled what we had booked and got a new really nice place for us 4.
Now.. they are back together but sister informed him of the change due to their previous circumstances. He is told to have been sad but understood the situation.
I was really looking forward to this holiday but now he is planning on coming to his home town (30 mins away from our holiday place) to allegedly spend time with family on the same dates.
The pessimist in me is thinking he is sneakily planning to crash our holiday or at least come to see us for some time.
How do I prevent this as I really don’t want to see him, especially on the holiday we have been looking forward to so much??
Context 2: my husband and mum share the same opinion of him.

Start being honest with her and always ensure he pays his way.

Thank you! I find it difficult to be honest with her about this as I don’t want to hurt her feelings. Also my husband is loved by my family and I didn’t want her to feel her partner choice was rejected.. She already knows mum doesn’t like him.

Tell her he is not coming to your holiday-you’ve paid, right? He isn’t to stay the night or come over, he can see her when she gets home. This is a family holiday, nobody else is invited. If you do meet up, say at the outset that he’s paying for himself.

Can you change the holiday location? Just tell sister there was a cock up the day before you go.

So you think he is planning to gatecrash the holiday and spend time with the family - basically freeloading on the experience?

If this is the case I'd get my ducks in a row now and suggest a holiday kitty per person to pay for food/drinks/entertainment.

If he's expecting to spend a lot of time "with family" he needs to cough up.

If your sister is struggling then you and your mum can help her pay her share but you are under no obligation to subsidise him.

If he doesn't pay and arrives at mealtime/to a restaurant you call him out and state no kitty money no freebies, pay or bugger off.

But honestly I think as soon as he gets wind that he will have to pay his share then he will back off and not turn up.

I think if you think so little of him you should tell your sister. It’s the least you can do.

He is also a mooch- it annoys me I have been covering the bills whenever we go out together or order takeaway.

Why are you letting that happen?

Just make sure she is aware that you are not able to subsidise him if he comes out for meals etc.

I think you are being a tad harsh.

He is not your boyfriend and your sister loves him or whatever and she might want him around.

Id imagine he knows you all hate him!

For context- my mum is terminally ill and unemployed and my sister is struggling with money- I am in a good job and want to share what I have with them. Hence why I paid for the holiday and normally paying restaurant bills etc. All of a sudden when the boyfriend came to the scene he thinks this applies to him too and never mentioned contributing or offers to pay his share. It hasn’t happened once and i generally find it very awkward to deal with. Especially since I want to continue paying for mum/ sister
Sister recently shared she doesn’t love him (this is the big reason she broke up with him) and why they are back on is beyond me. But her life, her choice- I dont want to control who she dates, just to politely limit time spent with him..

1. I can’t change the location as it’s our wedding venue (got married there last year, resort abroad in my home country) and it was our way to celebrate one year anniversary. It’s not refundable but above all- we really want to go there

Can you explain to your sister that you want to spend time together as a family without her boyfriend, that you don't want to see him during the holiday and if she chooses to, she can do so without the rest of you? For example if you're all going out for dinner and she wants to see him, she can meet him herself but he's not invited to the family meal.

Longer term, hopefully you can be clear that you support her and hope she can talk to you whenever she needs to, but you don't enjoy spending time with him.

I'm really sorry your mother is terminally ill. I think you should put this at the centre of your conversation with your sister, maybe something like:

I'm really sorry, I hate the fact that we're out of synch in our views, but I really don't want your BF crashing our break. It's partly because I don't like his values, it's true - but the most important thing is that Mum doesn't like him either. She doesn't have much time left and there may not be a chance to do this again - can you explain to him that you'll come and meet him where he is, but that it's best if he doesn't join us?

I can sympathise. I hate my sister’s boyfriend too – and they sound exactly the same in every way. Cannot stand him.

If he's going to his home town you can't prevent that and you can't prevent your sister meeting up with him.

As much as he sounds awful, that would be controlling of you to try and ban her from seeing him.

However, you don't have to let him stay at your accommodation or spend a penny on him.

Feels like @Secondguess has the right idea! Be upfront with your sister that he isn't invited to the family holiday but she can of course go and see him if she wants (bankrolled by the two of them). Seems a perfectly reasonable boundary that no-one can object to. Good luck!

However, you don't have to let him stay at your accommodation or spend a penny on him.

This ^^

And just stop paying for him. If he does join you for a meal tell him before he orders that he needs to pay his way. You also need to tell your sister that you won't be paying for anything for him.

Mooch? What area calls a tightwad a mooch?

Thank you all for the suggestions- some very good ideas to follow up on!
p.s I don’t have an issue if she wants to go and spend time with him in his home town, I will never even think of banning her to do anything.
I would prefer we spend as much time together as possible considering we live in different countries and don’t spend more than two weeks together a year but if she chooses to focus on him then so be it. I will get more time fully focused on mum.
Wishing everyone lovely and hassle free summer holidays :)