Does anyone not just accept anything anymore?

[PassingStranger]

Saw a group grieving for grandchildren for people grieving cos they arent grandparents.

FFS. Nobody gets everything they want in life. Life isn't like that.
How is sharing this info with each other going to make grandchildren appear anyway?

What's the point in it.
Some people would be just pleased to have a child let alone worrying about grandchildren.

Why do people think their lives would be better if only they had this or that.
Be grateful for what you do have?
How about grieving cos I'm not a millionaire.
Grieving that I'm not famous and so on etc.
Where does it end?
We don't all get everything we want and there is no saying it would bring happiness anyway.

Maybe set up a support group for people who are upset/irritated about others talking about things?!

The fact that they've joined a group to talk about something that makes them sad doesn't mean they're 'not accepting' it. They're not saying they think they're entitled to have grandchildren, just that not having them makes them feel sad. Of course it won't change anything, but that doesn't mean that talking about it might help them feel better about it.

How is this actually affecting you? It's literally just some people harmlessly looking for a bit of emotional support from people who feel the same way about something as they do. It's not like they're accosting you in the street and shouting about it, is it?

The chances are that these people are using a Facebook group to discuss this precisely because they are fully aware that it might seem ridiculous to people who don't share their feelings, so they're wanting a chat with people who feel the same way and won't judge them.

Nope

I refuse to believe you're grateful for absolutely everything you have OP, and that you never wish you could have certain things.

It's human nature to want some things that we don't/can't have.

What has some people setting up a Facebook group, to talk to each other about feeling sad about not having grandkids, got to do with being able/unable to offend people?

So, if your child died tomorrow, you wouldn't be sad about it because hey, life's what you make it and you don't have an entitlement to a living child?

TBH I feel the same way about gender disappointment and grieving for the boy/girl you didn’t have.

Competitive suffering is the best term for it. I tried to join a support group after 3rd miscarriage, it wasn't a support group it as exactly that - Competitive suffering.

Same with the CPTSD groups. Coping methods or healthy ways to combat the effects of trauma were barely mentioned.

People should pass the occassional thought for what might have been or what will never be but wallowing to the extent of grieving is not healthy.

You're so right. I've never really understood the obsession that many people seem to have about having grandchildren. I've no idea whether my daughter will ever have any children and it doesn't bother me either way. If she has children I expect I will love them and want to spend time with them but it won't spoil my life in any way if I don't ever have grandchildren. What I am concerned about is that she has a happy life and has children if she wants them or is happy without them if that's her choice.

I do belong to a Non Mum group on Mumsnet but it is about coping strategies and making the most of childfree life as well as venting. It’s not about competitive suffering at all.

You wouldn’t say to someone who was grieving because they can’t have children “Stop moaning. You’ve got a job and a home, and nieces and nephews. Be grateful for what you have!” That would be horribly cruel.

Nobody tells you that you’ll get grandbroody. I’d selfishly love to have a grandchild. I never mention it to my kids because they’ve all said they wouldn’t bring children into this world now, with climate change and impending WW3. I understand their reasons, but it still makes me feel sad. I’d pictured my older life to be a certain way and it will never be like that.

You think losing a child is emotionally equivalent to never having grandchildren?

Part of the problem is treating all emotions as equally valid when they are not.

I hope you would show more sensitivity to a bereaved parent than a disappointed would be grandparent.

Of course I don’t mean that! But if your child’s died you can’t change that. But you can choose how to cope with the aftermath of such a tragedy

Tbh I think that’s one of the only scenarios where any and all reactions are acceptable.

I don't think it's a case of people not accepting anything anymore. I think it's a case of people saying how they feel now. People used to have the same feelings but they just bottled them up.

I'm sorry I'm not a billionaire shall I set up a group where we can all commiserate even though its unlikely to ever change for us all.

I feel like this when I read threads by parents who already have a kid/s but are DEVASTATED to not have a 2nd or 3rd or 4th child. I find it really childish. I didn’t get to be Kate Moss, or marry George Clooney, or live in a palatial mansion overlooking Hampstead Heath, yet somehow I move forward with my life.

People need to get a grip. It's unhealthy to spend so much time and effort angsting about these types of things. People are so immature now.

Melodram Patheticism is what it is.

I think it’s quite sad not to have grandchildren- family is up there with health and money in terms of importance for most people to be happy. Knowing your family line will end I think is sad

You have to re-frame it. It's not sad. Just think about all the people who'll be saved from living this miserable existence on a failing planet 😃

The thing is it could end anyway two or three generations down the line. You just don’t know. I couldn’t have children but this is not something I feel particularly sad about.

Spot on!

And that’s fine but for me it would make me sad- our own feelings don’t invalidate others’

I feel it is very reasonable to grieve and be sad, if you watch your greatly loved adult child try everything they can do to conceive and be unable to. Time after time.

Heartbreaking to watch. And nothing you can do to help and nothing to say either.

Totally different to wanting a grandchild and being disappointed if it doesn't happen due to an informed choice of your child.

I dont want my children to have grandchildren. Neither does DH. I hope there's a support group for us!

The thing is, you don't get to decide what other people feel sad about and how they deal with it as long as it doesn't actually affect your life.

While this thread is not an actual support group, you are looking for SUPPORT in sneering and looking down at other people because of reasons. Pot,meet kettle.