Kid constantly knocking on door!!

[Eimsryan]

Looking for some advice please. Since last October/November 2023 we have had a child i think 8/9 years of age (with special needs) constantly ringing my doorbell and running/banging on my door and looking through my front window. My husband approached his father around Christmas to ask if anything can be done. The father said he would do something about it. It all went quiet for 2 weeks then it started back up again.

Fast forward to now June 2024 and its worse than ever. its almost every day now but definitely every week and its embarrassing especially when I have visitors. I am also pregnant with our baby due in January and want this to stop.

I get the child has special needs and that's why we have not said anything for over 6 months hoping it would pass but it hasn't. I am just wondering should we approach the parents again because i dont want this to continue before our baby is born.

NC fail?

I'd go and knock on the parents door every single time.

Speaking to his parents is obviously the way forward but if that approach isn't successful, are you able to put up a gate so he can't actually get as far as your front door? The problem with a gate, of course, is that keeping it shut / locked will inconvenience you and your guests but it may be less stressful than having your doorbell rung every day.

@Bitsandbobs1892 They’re badly behaved sweary bullies who steal things from their parents and try to sell them to you- and you feel a bit bad?!!

He's able to do this because his parents are not watching him. I'd speak to rhem every single time so they see what it's like to constantly be bugged.

Just open the door and say, please stop knocking on my door. If he does it again say, go away! He will soon stop.

I’d stop answering it and see if he gets bored.

Every time he does it, escort him home to have a conversation with his parent. It'll stop in a week.

Of course it's intolerable to have a random child banging on your door and peering in your windows. But whatever strategy you've tried so far isn't working. Time for something a little more dramatic.

Alternatively an aggressively loud and in-his-face "FUCK OFF TOMMY!" will likely also get the message across. But maybe try something a little more placatory first. ;)

Yeah, like many parents these days… as long they’re not actively being affected by their children then they don’t care if others are. The only way to stop the kids of such people from being nuisances is to transfer the bother back to them. Every time the boy shows up, take him back home, reiterate that this has to stop and make the threat of raising safeguarding concern too.

The fact that he has SN makes it more important that this behaviour stops, not less.

Is it anti/social behaviour, public nuisance, harassment? The parents gave fit two choices really haven't they? Sort it themselves or you'll have to get other agencies involved.

Did the dad say why he does it?

Not unreasonable. I really hear that you are trying to be mindful because of this child having special needs, and that it’s really lovely, however, you do not have to put up with this kind of thing purely on that basis. A big part of this child’s upbringing and his parents parenting is about recognising inappropriate behaviour and working on it. If you do not bring it up with them in a fair way, you are not giving them the opportunity to address it. In all likelihood the parents think it’s no longer problem because they’ve got a million other things to think about and focus on. They might in all likelihood be grateful for you coming to them with this issue in a compassionate and positive way. I think explaining that you are going to have a baby will also be helpful.

He could be knocking on peoples doors can upset elderly people with dementia who can find people knocking on their doors detressing.

Or the elderly people with dementia who can find that destressing

If you ignore him does he keep doing it? Or are you reacting to him every time by going to the door and telling him to stop?

I think I'd either start completely ignoring him (if you haven't already) and see if he gets bored and stop OR I'd take him back to his parents every single time he does it until they get pig sick of you disturbing them.

His special needs might mean that he is unable to control his behaviour or that he doesn't understand why he shouldn't knock on people's doors or he forgets that he's been told not to but this is in no way an excuse. His parents are at fault here because if he has needs like this he should be supervised to ensure he is safe, which he isn't if he's going knocking on random people's doors all the time. It's neglect by the parents.