Harsh realities of life

[Heretheycomethebeautifulones]

Which ones have struck a cord with you lately?
Mine are: A large number of men (not every men) will not bother talking to you regularly if they aren't sexually attracted to some extent, even if you're just friends.

Once a friend knows you're interested, the friendship is likely to never be the same again. Even after months/years, even if you take it will and don't mention it again, some people will be funny about it/distant with you forevermore, even if you were friends.

Any close friend can just drop you at any point for no apparent reason. That friend you can talk to every day who you think you can trust with anyone. Yep, they can just decide to stop bothering for mo apparent reason.

There's not always a happy ending. Not everyone 'finds their person'.

Not every man*

It sounds like you had a close male friend, your feelings changed, he backed off because he didn't feel the same, and now he keeps his distance?

If so that is a shame for you and for the friendship, but it is always tricky when one person changes the ground rules and the other doesn't want to.

The friend will have dropped you for a reason, people just don't drop friends for no reason.

Oh this isn't something recent, I've seen it happen to a couple of others too though.
I think sometimes people are very close and have lots in common so why wouldn't someone start being attracted? Asking someone on a date shouldn't mean the entire friendship is canned for the rest of time.

Hmm no sorry, I've got plenty of male friends where there's no sexual chemistry. And I also have a good male friend who I made a pass at once and he gently turned me down, we continued to be good friends. Sounds like something has gone off-track for you, which must be difficult, but I don't think making sweeping statements like this is likely to help you move on.

Maybe, but it isn't always something you've done, it can be entirely about them. Still perfectly polite and friendly when you message first, but otherwise will never contact you first anymore.

That for many of us menopause and perimenopause is hell.

For many of us having families later in life you will find yourself stuck between elderly/unwell or dying parents with your children still living at home and you have to try to juggle your menopausal hell whilst holding up all the other plates spinning in the air.

And yea, many many men are absolute shits.

Tbh I'm more interested in a list of realities that people have felt.

Asking someone on a date shouldn't mean the entire friendship is canned for the rest of time.

Ah but it inevitably makes things awkward. I always (okay twice, this has not happened often!) feel slightly betrayed when I guy I am just friends with attempts to move it beyond that. And I do back right off because if you don't they take it as a sign you might be interested in the future. These are nice guys, I have nothing against them, but once you know they have that agenda you can't unknow it.

We come in alone and we leave alone .
I don't expect any permanence from anyone I'm not related to or married to , to be honest .

Obviously basing my musings on my own personal experience.

But in terms of a harsh reality, ageing is real and it will really happen to us. When you are young you can know that cognitively without truly accepting it emotionally.

Interesting, that’s not my experience at all. Half of my male friends are gay, they have zero interest in me sexually, the other 25% are married/ partnered and the other 25% have never hit in me, but then I’m usually good at distinguishing fuck boys from real friends.

You need to surround yourself by nicer guys, they’re out there.

I learned that at a very young age op.
I’ve always been ugly, no men (or when I was young: boys) want to be friends with me.
Pretty / average women never seem to have a problem of getting a male friend.

Mine crystallised over the last few years.
1.People are basically selfish, greedy, tribal and violent. Not that I think society is a lost cause - the beauty of coming together, sharing, learning, creating, being tolerant etc is what holds us together. But it's a thin veneer.

1. Men think with their dicks. All of them. Sorry.
2. Monogamy isn't a natural state and relationships are bloody hard work.

What we see in others is often a reflection of our own internal state.

Sorry you have had to go through this.

I think its harsh that we don't really have any real control over our health. You can do all the right things and still become disabled at any stage, or die painfully of something awful.

That many people are ignorant.
That many aren't able to live and let live.
That many more people than I imagined/feared are antisemitic and many others are silent in the face of it.
That health is the most important thing. Then financial security.
That just working hard isn't enough to succeed in life.
That life is inherently unfair.
That many men really disrespect women - and many women let / enable them.
That love doesn't always find a way.
That children can't live on love alone and sometimes just wanting a baby isn't enough reason to have one.

I feel depressed now. 😔