To not want to feel obligated to see family abroad

[Jennifer89]

I have family who live in a country in Europe pretty much the whole of my mum's side live in this country. Since I was a child we tend to stay at my nan's place who lives there. I have an aunt and uncle and nephew tend to see when we go but other extended family we don't see every time. Average time I have spent there since being an adult is 4-8 days a year depending on if decide to go just once at summer time or Christmas also.

I now have a baby on the way (due in October), with dh and starting to feel a bit annoyed with the expectation for me to travel there every year. My mum chooses to go there to see the family there couple of times a year (she is retired) but her family travel to UK much less. It has was about 8 years ago my nan last joined with her partner to come to UK. She is aged around 80 but in good health for her age but doesn't seem up for travelling these days which is fair enough.
Last time went to stay at my nan's she ranted about immigration into the country (saying the country isn't what it used to be etc) and other miserable things rather than talk about nice normal things like plans for Christmas (we visited early December). I did admit to my mum I find the heavy discussions my nan and her partner get into draining and it makes me want to visit less. Most times my dh has joined but there are a couple of times he doesn't. Luckily since he doesn't know the language he can drone out there horrible chats.
Now that I am pregnant and due in October my nan is already asking when we will visit with the baby and I am just not sure if I want to. I honestly feel like it is an obligation that I should see my family abroad every year and with travel more stressful with a baby as it is I don't want to have to do it purely out of obligation. Also when I do return to work after maternity leave my annual leave entitlement will be more precious and I don't really want to keep using 4-8 days of the year to travel there. My nan won't get it since she has been retired for ages and aunt and uncle there get like 30 days plus annual leave a year.

Am I being harsh? Should I just suck it up and make the effort to travel at least once a year or set boundaries more going forward? Grandma would have to acccept she may not see great grandchild next year or who knows when unless they travel to UK which I am sure won't go down well..

New baby, new routines, new traditions, new boundaries.
You will need your holidays for emergency days.
Do not commit to anything going forward.
Keep saying on a loop that you will not be committing to anything without consulting with your husband.
No one can force you to book and pay for a flight.
We did all the travelling to visit family, particularly my husbands family.
I enjoyed it and had no problem pre children. But my first baby didn't travel easily so that was it, I wasn't prepared to do it all. They were welcome to visit of course. They rarely did and that was the way it was for a long time.
My husband was welcome to make the trip, but surprise surprise had no interest.
They made more of an effort eventually but I never engaged on the subject.
We had a baby now and we would be suiting ourselves.

Why not go once while baby is young and easy to travel with and make it clear that you will not be making annual visits going forward.

I have considered this as I have heard can be easier to travel with baby than toddler. If I do go I am thinking of when they are aged around 6-8 months..

We used to travel annually to in-laws, three weeks every summer not leaving me much AL. I got pissed off at going to their place every summer, it wasn't a holiday (get in great with them no issue there, but just not a holiday). So now we compromise and meet somewhere that is actually a holiday. Much better all round.

I would suggest going while baby can’t move and is still on milk would be the easiest time to travel. I would go once while baby is still small and make it clear you won’t be doing annual visits any more.

If you want to see and and/or maintain links with that part of the family, go. If not, don’t.

I think you’re making unnecessarily heavy weather of a possible annual shorthaul European trip, though. All our families live in our home country, so either DH or I (or both) was travelling with DS from three months around two FT jobs. Your call, obviously, as to whether you want your daughter to meet her great-grandmother or not, but i think if you do, you will be the one travelling, as an 80 year old who hasn’t travelled to the UK in eight years isn’t likely to hop on a plane now.

Cut down contact, sounds like the constant messaging is getting on your nerves.