That xdp when upstairs in MY house and into MY bedroom

[jellyjelly]

Situation is single parent and I brought xdp out of the house and I stayed with our son. Been on my own for 2 years now.

He doesnt often come over but when he does he makes comments about how the house is decorated/how I put up the breakfast bar (I didnt like his suggestion at the time but inherited a large piece of work so got it put up - loks nice now).Just not very nice comments, think he is a bit out out that I can manage without him.

Anyway yesterday he came over to pick up our son as he is staying for a week at daddys house. DS called xdp up with

'Come here Daddy'

'i'll go'

' No its my house, I WILL go'

xdp promptly marches up the stairs with me following.

Walks all around upstairs and peers/goes in bedroom.

Comments that all the stuff is out of the attic (was having insullation put up there) and is any of his stuff there. I replied 'No' It has all be thrown out now.

AIBU? I normally drop ds off at his house.

Also he wouldnt give me his telephone home number. View on that too???

I am pissed off that he would even dare to go up there. Am not allowed in his house.

I think you need to insist on a contact number - mobile at the very least. Its unreasonable of him not to allow you to contact him when your DS is with him.

I'd also try to avoid having him in the house if at all possible

He was being nosy. Why does he say ' No its my house, I WILL go' - if you bought him out.

He would irritate me too.

No I dont grow drugs in my house. Its my sodding house thats why I dont want him going in there.

His place is a flat that he got about 6 months ago and I have never been in his flat. (My ds says I am not allowed)

The 'its my house' was from me.

I have his mobile number but he wont give me his landline number. His mobile was off yesterday and I wanted to talk to my son.

I suppose there's not much you can do if he is already in your house, other than barring the way bodily. I wouldn't let him in at all. When he comes to pick up, shut the front door and get ds ready to go from inside. Keep him waiting.

i hate it even when my ex steps into my lounge...I dont even know his address because obviously i am a mad women who will turn up on his doorstep...

he shouldt have gone up

you def need a contact number

I am glad that it seems that i am not being unreasonable. I dont want it to be hostile for my sons sake. I try to be nice. I try to include xdp n our sons things such as sharing artwork. He just sniggered.

I had my friend here when he arrived and she was shocked by how he was.

But was it not your ds who called him up there?

He however should have gone straight to ds and not in to every single room on the way.

What an arrogant git.... I think you should buy your ds a mobile so you'll always have a number to contact him on and in future make numbnut sit in the car, don't even let him in your house if he can't be trusted!

I don't think you are being unreasonable in how it made you feel. Just try and keep it all civilised for your son. Explain to your ex that it upset you and please would he not do it again.

The most important person here is your son which you know so just keep it as nice as possible for him.

If he does it again then I agree meet him at the door but give him the benefit of the doubt.

Re phone, he just has to give you the number and if he doesn't then your son simply stays with you until he does.

YANBU, this is exactly why I will not let xp look after the children here, because I know he'd be all over the house as soon as I ws gone.

I have nothing to hide, but it makes me very uneasy.

mine does the same. Seems to love looking DSs in my house and makes comments about the state of it. He says his flat is too small

Doh if you had them more I would have more time to tidy sort out etc!!

I sometimes come home to find him sitting at the computer checking his emails

I'm afraid I would insist that no contact number = no contact.

And he wouldn't set foot inside my home if he wasn't prepared to be civil while he was in there - don't open the door until you are ready for your son to leave the house, and then you go out to him.

Your son called him, so he was probably a bit annoyed at you saying that you'd go. However, he should have gone straight to your son's room and not gone having a nosy around.

It sounds to me like he is trying to get a rise out of you. Maybe he doesn't like the fact that you are getting on ok without him and getting work done on the house, or he doesn't like the fact that you can make decisions for yourself now. He might find it quite difficult that it was once his home and he had to be bought out of it.

Whatever his reasons, he shouldn't be behaving like this. My advice would be to ignore him and not let him see that he's annoying you. But I would also be keeping him on the doorstep as he's been like this.

As for the phone number, you do have a contact number albeit a mobile that he can switch off. Even if you had a landline he wouldn't necessarily answer it to you (or do as dh's x did and get a line but not put a phone on it so it just rang at our end). I think what you need to ask yourself is why do you need a landline and is that really worth having a conflict over? Is it really worth stopping your little boy seeing his Dad because you don't have it? What problems do you envisage if you don't have it? It could cause a whole load of aggravation if you insist on it, and I think again your x might just be being difficult to get a rise out of you. I think what I'm trying to say is choose your battles and this might not be one worth having.