I'm friends with my neighbour, we moved in next door to each at the same time, neither of us knew anyone locally and we got on well. We decided to cut a hole in the fence so we could easily meet up for brews, kids could play etc (I know what you're all thinking already...)
Fast forward a few months and it was getting a bit oppressive: I'd be washing up and she'd be in the garden feeding our chickens scraps while her kids are on my swing set, I'd come home after being out and she'd be sat on the swing "ah, I was hoping you'd be home soon", she'd come into our house and drop off fresh muffins without us knowing she was there etc etc. I would put the gate between us back up and say I'd rather it was left up because I don't want our dog pooing in her garden, or our chickens wandering around messing up their lawn and she'd open it up again every time. We'd be having breakfast in the garden of a morning and her kids would just run straight through and then talk at us incessantly. It got to the point where we wouldn't go into our garden if they were outside at all, and if we were outside and they came out, we'd go back in.
I also spent about 4 months clearing blackthorn away from our back fence so we could access the field out the back and I said she could use our back gate until she cleared the way to hers. Whenever I've asked her if she wants help clearing a path to her back gate, she says she can't see the point since she can just use ours. Her son also hits and kicks our dog, and although she tells him off for it, I have a real battle keeping them separate when she leaves the gate open all the time.
Winter came and it all calmed down a little bit because the weather was so crap and then she went to her parents' for 6 months because she didn't like the weather here. It was amazing to have the freedom to use the garden whenever we wanted and to be in the kitchen without wondering if anyone will come and stare in at us. She came back this morning, no "hello I'm back" message or anything, she just reopened the gate between the gardens and walked out into the back field, leaving the fence between us open behind her.
I know I need to block the fence up, I know I should have done it while she was away, I had messaged her to say I wanted the gate kept closed and thought that would be enough, my son mows her grass for her so it's easier for him if he can get through that way as we have no side gate so it's a long walk round the front for him. Anyway, I now need to set some sort of boundaries and stop being a doormat but I don't know how to do it without hurting her feelings. We do get on well but it is always on her terms and in the last 6 months I've filled what time I used to have to spend with her having brews with a Masters course, volunteering and two new hobbies on top of the full-time job I already have working from home. I have no idea how to handle this!