Not sure why friend's husband is like this?

[Iknowaguywhostoughbutsweet]

Another friend's husband one! They've been married about 6 years, I swear he wasn't always like this.
To my knowledge I've never had any falling out with my friend, mistreated her or anything.
I don't see her much anymore sadly as she has a young child, so it's literally a couple of times a year now.
Anyway the last few times I've seen her husband there (over a period of about 4 years) he's just grumpy and rude.
I asked him how he was doing 'Yeah, fine'.
I asked him how work was 'yeah it's alright'.

We went to a café and a friend of the husband's joined us. He was equally rude, didn't introduce himself or speak to me at all unless I spoke to him. He was polite but just had zero interest in speaking to me.

Husband made zero conversation with me and just didn't seem to give a damn. Obviously I'm there to see my friend really but he can't even pretend to be polite for 2 hours.
Another friend has said this previously, and he's been like this since around 2020. My friend did once comment that he was moody, in private.

Not sure what else I can do, just not take it personally and ignore him I guess. I have found that some men basically think because they're married they can't be friendly at all with another female, which is odd.

I've known him since they got together so nearly 10 years ago.

maybe just doesn't like you and doesn't want to be there.

Is he in a sulk with his wife, eg he didn't want to be there, so he "punishes" her by being rude to her friends?

Whatever the reason, he sounds like a loser

YABU to be bothered by it and not say anything in the moment or directly afterwards. If someone’s in a bad mood and sucking the life out of a social event do you not just say ‘what’s up with you today?’. Or suggest to your friend that you meet without him?

Usually these types of people act this way because people let them act this way.

Not sure if I've quite understood the set-up here - it's only the wife you're friends with, right? So why is her husband hanging around/going to a cafe with you and your friend in the first place? Like you say, you were there to see your friend, not him. If one of my friends, who doesn't really know my DP, comes to my house, DP doesn't sit there with us the whole time we're catching up - he says hi and he's polite/cheerful, but then he just leaves us to it and potters off to do his own thing.

Is the friend's husband trying to isolate from her friends, do you think? Or is it that she's told him she expects him to accompany her all the time and he's just incredibly bored at having to sit there listening while she chats with her friends?

He's often not there, however on this occasion he was.
Even if he 'just doesn't like me', would it kill him to be polite for a bit?
Maybe i should say something

I genuinely don't understand why it bothers you? Sounds like he doesn't want to talk to you and that's his choice. I wouldn't be bothered in the slightest if my friends partners didn't want to speak to me, I'm not there to see them.

If he's not often there, I really don't think any of this matters!

He's not your friend and you don't have to try and make conversation with him. A simple 'Hi, how are you?' is literally all you need to say to him - he's obviously not someone who is good at small talk, so why try to engage him in chat?

And no, don't say anything.

Because it's incredibly rude. To come out for food/a drink and sit there with a face like a slapped arse, giving curt answers? Just don't come.

He's punishing her. My ExH did the same when he felt he was starting to lose control. Would insist he came with at meetings/drinks with friends and then be rude so that my friendships would fade. It worked very well.

He's not someone I'd want to be with, he clearly runs a tight ship and has it all, the well-paid job, the six pack, the house is spotless etc etc. But he just doesn't seem like he lets loose or is laid back at all.
Anyway no it doesn't matter too much, it's just awkward when you're at the café and feel like you have to face him.

He sounds like an arsehole. That's not much help, I realise, but you have my sympathy.

It sounds like he could be punishing her or even trying to isolate her from her friends.

He's just a graceless unpleasant dick it seems

He is either punishing her or trying to isolate her from her friends. Either way red flags for abuse.

To be honest - your summations seem a bit off. It’s highly unlikely that he’s rude “because he’s married and can’t be friendly with anyone else”. And also what has “you wouldn’t want to be with him” got to do with it all.

Best case scenario - he’s just uninterested in small talk with his wife’s friends, worst case he’s trying to isolate her - but neither of those scenarios are about you personally.

Keep contact with your friend as it sounds like he's trying to isolate her.

Talk to her about what you think is happening. Exptess your concernsvand offer to be there for her ' but only if you mean it. She may need your support sooner than either of you think.

It’s not a big deal is it, if you don’t seem much of her presumably you see even less of him. This wouldn’t bother me at all a couple of times a year. Maybe he’s knackered since the kid came along or maybe they’re going through a rough patch and tensions are running high. I really wouldn’t lose any sleep over it. Just carry on being there for your friend

Going forward I would only meet your friend without her partner. I would not want to spend any time in the company of someone who is so discourteous. He’s either lacking in good grace and manners or is rather arrogant. Either way life is too short to subject yourself to such discomfort.

Controlling relationship?

Have stolen a boy friwbd or hubby before?

What an odd thing to write about him, inc his physique?

Sorry thinking about this now, why would you comment on his body? Do you have a thing for him and are put out he pays you no attention? Possibly that’s why he pays you no attention.

Does he intimidate you? Do you think he thinks he’s above speaking to you because of all of those things?

Could be the product of conflict within their relationship - stuff you don't really have any control over. I'd try to meet her without him where possible.