Should I Claim CSA

[Bumblebee132]

So my childs father hasn't seen or paid for his nearly 10 year old son since he was 18 months old. My partner who I have been with nearly 9 years has raised my son with me and has been everything a father should be.

However with the cost of living and a few financial changes recently I am really needing a bit more money to help out with kids clubs, school trips and school dinners. Me and my partner are both working so its not like we can just magic up more money.

AIBU to start claiming now my son is almost 10? I am a bit worried about the fall out this may cause but have always felt like he should have been paying but I am not a very confrontational person so have always put it off.

So you'd rather pander to your non-confrontationalism than ensure your DSs wellbeing?

You’ve already saved your ex a
fortune by not claiming all this time. Why should your child suffer financially when they have a parent who could pay child support for them but doesn’t? He doesn’t even see his child so helping to financially support them is the least he could do.

Last time I asked him 6 years ago he was quite threatening which has stopped me asking again, my son has never suffered. I have and will always go without before my children ever do

He presumably knows that you were likely to back down if he lost his temper which is why he reacted the way he did.

Go to CMS - don’t ask as if CM is something optional M. If you ask he will be angry as he knows that will scare you into submission.

Exactly why you should go through CSA - you can't suddenly expect him to be reasonable at this point.
Taking financial responsibility for the child he helped make isn't a choice he gets to make.

Of course you should claim op! Your ex should have been paying for his child from the start. And by definition something else has been compromised if you have been doing without any money from him because you don’t like confrontation, so doing it now is not before time. Good grief.

If he hasn't paid in nearly a decade, what have you got to lose by putting in a claim?

Your mistake was backing down straightaway when he started being a bully and not contacting CMS at the time. Put in a claim and if he does contact you in a threatening way do not engage and if necessary report him. I wouldn’t engage with him at all about child support. You’re going through CMS so there is nothing for you and him to discuss.

I have just sent off the application, do you think I should give him the heads up or just wait it out?

Don't contact him at all. I let the csa do their job