This is way longer than I intended, apologies.
I'm pretty much at my wits end. I've given up discussing grievances with my DH as it always ends up being a blazing row, where he has an answer for everything and I just walk off even more frustrated.
We both work full time, have 3 amazing DC's together who are my absolute world, ages range from 9 to 1. Our work patterns mean I'm home all weekend with DC's while he's at work. He's off midweek 2 days, but send them to childminder 1 and often 2 of his days off. He gets kids out to school in the mornings, while I work from home 2 of those mornings helping when I can, I'm in the office the other 3. I leave everything ready for them, clothes, lunches, breakfast are quick which my 9YO preps for everyone. Breakfast is often still on the counter when I get home in the evenings after colleting DC's from childminder.
I do bedtimes (he will take baby up and get her to sleep), wash, feed, clothe, tidy, clean, laundry and all general household chores. He'll wash his own clothes on his day off, does the ''garden'' chores, will tidy when the house gets to him and the kids have toys flung everywhere.
Last night I got pretty annoyed, he came in from work, I was bathing the smaller 2 on my phone doing some life admin while watching them. Upstairs and straight to bed (8:15pm). Not a hello to anyone. Here I'll mention I've been struggling with back pain for weeks, and started taking strong pain killers again on Saturday. When I eventually got up with baby and DC 2 he says his shoulder was sore (injury about 6 weeks ago) and he was tired. Well I lost it, asked why he didn't just help with only the baby, get her out, dressed bottle and bed. His response was that all I had to do was drop her up 🤬. Also that I do my thing, getting up and going to work every morning, he was now doing his by coming home and going straight to bed. He sleeps on the couch any minute he gets, shouts at the kids and dictates so much to me and the kids its unbearable at this point.
This is regular attitude, today I'm working from home he has appointment. Agreement was he'd get kids all out early to childminder and head off to his appointment just about being on time. He wanted to change the plan, knowing I'm covering other meetings today and have to be online latest 9am. Now I'm being awkward, I have an easy life and I can't be put out of my routine. I was to do an extra hour every day this week so I can finish early on Friday, now I'm 2hrs late logging on. I also changed my working from home day to suit his appointment to help get everyone out this morning.
I don't even think counselling would work because he'd manipulate that situation too.
Yes YABU - he's doing enough
No YANBU - get out of there now!