To think my child is on the spectrum?

[MoominMamma15]

Hi,

Apologies if this is not in the right place.

My son - 14 - a lovely boy, highly sensitive and easily upset. Im struggling to know how to help him. He is intense, and i feel i can’t cooe sometimes.

He will fixate on things - incidents that might have happened years ago (general school things like peers not being nice or having hidden his lunch box etc). He can’t seem to process these things and move on. I worry how he is going to survive in life when he can’t seem to deal with everyday general hardships that we all go through.

We can’t tell him about plans we have - days out or holidays because he will non stop go on about them and go over the details again and again to the point we have to tell him to stop we are not discussing it again. He needs to know the dates, the time we’re leaving etc etc. We put on a calendar so he can see when events are happening but he will still want to go over everything. This is way beyond an excited holiday conversation which i totally get.

He will try having the same conversations with us again and again and if we point out ‘im sure we’ve already had this convo a few times already’ he’ll say oh yeah i know just want to talk about it again.

I love that he wants to engage with us and talk but alot of the time he is just talking for the sake of it, asking same questions that he knows the answer to already.

He is a worrier, he has worried about what to do for a job when he grows up for as long as i can remember despite us re-assuring him that whilst its great to have a dream and aspire to something he certainly doesn’t need to worry and he needs to try to enjoy his childhood years.

He gets v upset at school if anyone says anything to him, it will literally ruin his whole day. I just don’t know how to help him.

Are these signs of being on the spectrum - something else?

Is this enough to go to a dr about or would they laugh at me? I just don’t know what to do and i want to help my boy.

Why do school say about him?

Are you asking if he is autistic? There are many neurodivergent conditions which overlap with symptoms.

Is he in school? If so, ask for a meeting with the SENCO to go over your concerns and ask them to observe him, before having a second meeting.

He certainly sounds as though he lacks resilience

I definitelt think it would be worth having a chat with your GP

I’m pretty sure my 15 year old is on the spectrum but I’ve found if they are not disruptive in school, it’s unlikely they will be referred for testing. The SENCO is too over worked.

Even if he's not there is no harm using parenting techniques for autistic kids/teens because there's a lot in there that deals with anxiety.

If you want a diagnosis it would be helpful to look back over his whole life, like toddler development and old school reports to see if they paint a lifelong picture. This means learning about how autism presents in younger kids as well as teens. However, this may end up for your own benefit given how hard it is to get a diagnosis.

I certainly think there's enough in his level of anxiety and repetition, given his age, to consider it as a possibility.

I would speak to the Senco but as @headstone said, if it's not causing a problem they won't be that interested. My son, who has adhd and autism has the.same conversations over and over again.
Would he take one of those online screening quizzes for autism?

Are there any other signs of autism? Eg communication issues, friendships, eye contact, developmental issues?

The biggest indicators for my dds were anxiety, flapping (mask at school) and they were both two or three years behind their peers socially. Dd age 11 likes Cocomelon and has nothing in common with her peers.

You could speak to the SENCO and ask for sone advice.

I was a bit like this with fixations, repetitions, going over and over things and ended up realising I have anxiety and OCD. I don't think I'm ND although it's possible I guess. Sounds more like anxiety to me but maybe check in with his SENDCo?

Sounds like anxiety.

The anxiety might be part of an ND or it can just be standalone.

www.nhs.uk/mental-health/children-and-young-adults/advice-for-parents/anxiety-in-children/

Without more insight it’s not easy to say if it’s signs of ASD or general anxiety. This did stick out as a flag

‘He will fixate on things - incidents that might have happened years ago (general school things like peers not being nice or having hidden his lunch box etc). He can’t seem to process these things and move on.’

The word ‘process’ is key, having difficulty in processing social or communication information is certainly a sign of autism. Not understanding ‘why’ something happened, not understanding why people may generally not ‘like’ him, obsessive about social interactions, they are all signs. And social difficulties can be masked until secondary, sometimes reflecting on primary alone may not give a clear picture. Firmer social routine and friendships in younger years can certainly quiet some questioning over autistic traits - unfortunately they tend to come out tenfold by secondary as a result, then you’ll have some idiot suggest they simply don’t have ‘reliance’ or similar.

Thank you for your replies all, i think i will contact school to discuss with them - he does see pastoral care once a week for catch up sessions so i think this needs discussing further.

I may also get in touch with GP, perhaps just on my own to talk to them and see what we can do.

Thank you x