I want sex. I miss it. Its been 5 years.

[Bumpgrindandgurgle]

Married 15years + . DH has ED. He won't go to the Dr or take viagra. Both are his perogative. But I want sex. With him. I miss it. Its been 5 years. We do other stuff but I want to feel penetrative sex. I give him oral, he never finishes and only ever gets half hard.

No idea what to do. I am not leaving him.

Have an affair?

buy viagra online ?

have you spoke to him bluntly ?

Have you told him what you've just told us?

I would never cheat.

I've told him to try viagra, he just shys away from the subject. Never really engages on the subject. He Gives me a fingering - it does nothing for me, I would never tell him that as I can imagine that would make his self esteem even lower, seeing as he can't do penetrative. I don't understand why he wouldn't try viagra.

You need to talk to him. Relationships are 2 sided, you both have needs.

If it were me, I'd really have to understand what his reasons are for not trying Viagra, especially as you can buy it now completely without discussion with a medical professional, so no embarrassment. I mean, it's his choice, but I seems odd when he is prepared to be intimate in other ways, why not get something out of it.
Failing that, sex toys. He uses them on you.

A penis pump?

8.5 years here 😢😭

No advise however do really relate to your situation- I'm in the same position as you and chosen to stay, it's been 9 years since we were intimate penetratively, some weeks are easier than others, as I'm getting older I do feel a lot of resentment towards him and wonder has he tried walking in my shoes and how I might feel, mind you've I've never bluntly said to him that this is really affecting me. I feel it makes me appear desperate, I would have an affair without a blink to have my physical needs met, but can't even think of how to get one going!

“He gives me a fingering” is vulgar but anyway, not sure what the answer is op. If you won’t cheat, he won’t take viagra you won’t be having penetration. Maybe buy a rabbit and do it yourself?

If he won't do anything about it, and you won't leave him, then I don't know what advice you expect to get here. You have a sexless future ahead of you. You'll have to take care of your own needs.

He can penetrate you with a sex toy of your choice. That's the best temporary option while he is dealing with ED. There are some mind shattering amazing sex toys which will give you great orgasms. Some of them are even better than a real man penetration.

Yep

it does nothing for me, I would never tell him that as I can imagine that would make his self esteem even lower

Goodness love, you don't have to lie there putting up with him doing that you just to save his self esteem. At least show him what you would like instead, with toys or have the viagra conversation again with more emphasis on your needs than his ego.

I Know that you said he won’t go to Dr, but ED can be an indicator of heart disease and a potential pre cursor to heart attack (irrespective of age). He needs a heart check.

Short term, have him use a dildo on you. Long term, perhaps some counselling to get at why he is refusing to take Viagra. If it's a health concern for him, there is nothing you can do. You can't expect him to take a drug he doesn't trust.