AIBU to think my neighbour is a little OTT?

[SpunkyMintZebra]

My garden backs on to a block of retirement flats, there is an end flat that is close to our garden and overlooks it.

My daughter is 4, now it’s warmer she plays in the garden - she is not home four days of the week, and so plays in the garden most nights usually from 530-7 sometimes earlier, sometimes not all, she’s in and out, and if we’re in the at the weekend she may be in the garden, in and out if we’re home, until 7 ish or earlier

This particular neighbour that is the closest, always shuts her windows as soon as my daughter is outside.

shes not unruly, or screams, she is a normal four year old who loves playing outside, mainly with her mud kitchen and her bikes. She might sing to herself or laugh and talk to me, she’s not excessively loud and nobody else shuts their windows and our neighbours always have their doors open- we are a mid terrace house.

This has been going for about a month, today, we have been out in the garden a lot of the day, my mum came over for a bbq at 2, my daughter was in and out, she shut her window.

my daughter went in at 5 for a bath as she had been swimming, she opened her window, my daughter came back out at 7 to call our cat in for some food, she shouted ‘shut up’ and slammed her window shut.

we don’t take the mickey, nobody’s in the garden late evening making noise and she’s never in the garden any earlier than 9am.

is this excessive behaviour from her or should I be telling my daughter to stop humming or singing to herself or even laughing?

I just don’t know if it’s unreasonable to let a young child play in the garden as much as she wants, if she ever was to be excessively loud I would tell her to be quieter but she never is

Your daughter is entitled to play in her garden.

Your neighbour doesn’t like the sound of a child playing so shuts her window.

Neither of you are being unreasonable.

Yep just ignore the neighbour !

I think shouting shut up to a child just playing is unreasonable.

She's entitled to shut the window, not to shout shut up though.

Tell her to sing louder!

Yelling shut up is not nice but don't let her shutting her windows bother you.

I personally wouldn’t even notice if a neighbour shut their window.

shouting shut up isn’t on. Ignore her.

Doesn't sound like you're doing anything wrong

You might need to start teaching her to ignore the neighbour though if she's going to shout shut up to her

I think often as parents we are unaware of how noisy others find our children. It’s possible that your daughter is making more noise than you realise that is annoying this woman. Or maybe the woman has some other reason for not liking your child. Either way, make sure your daughter is at a respectful volume during reasonable hours and ignore the woman closing and opening her windows the rest of the time.

I think your neighbour has every right to shut her window if she finds the noise annoying, I think you should ignore this. It sounds like you're making very normal and acceptable garden noise and she might be over noise sensitive. I think telling your daughter to shut up was completely out of order, sorry this happened to her.

It's fine for her to not want to hear your daughter and to shut her window. Maybe today, as you'd all been in the garden having a barbecue, was the straw that broke the camel's back, hence her telling your daughter to shut up.

She absolutely should not have shouted at a child.

I first read this as 5.30 to 7.30 am and was going to go YABU

but I’ve read it again. Crack on and don’t make your daughter stop playing as she normally would, as you say with no screaming. I've got a screamer kid and grandparents next to me but that’s a different thread

Well she obviously doesn't want to be disturbed by the sound of your daughter's voice, so why shouldn't she shut her own window? Also, I'd shut my windows if someone were having a barbecue, the smell makes me feel sick, so that could have added to her annoyance.

Yes shutting her window is completely up to her but the shut up got my back up a little - my daughter did hear it and asked who said it and why. I never want to cause a nuisance to anyone, in fact I hate the thought of it if I/we are! I guess the noise she makes is normal to us and we may hear it and feel differently, I guess she wanted a quiet retirement- however she did choose a block of flat that backs on to 5 houses and is next to a close full of kids also, and 3 of the houses it backs onto have children soo… it’s unavoidable there being noise

Sorry but shouting at a 4 year old to shut up is not on. I'd be complaining to the retirement ho e about the behaviour of the resident in question.

Does your daughter have a set of drums or another equally loud instrument that would be best practiced outdoors? 😅

@SpunkyMintZebra old person must be a friendless bugger!!! your wee girl is being a normal child

I used to have a block of council run retirement flats behind my old house. So many miserable old buggers all in one place. This was pre children. They moaned at everything I did. Bins out, driving in or out opening/closing my gate walking up the lane... 6 flats backing onto me, 4 who didn't like me breathing outside. One day I wasn't in the mood when one of them started moaning at me, so turned it back round on them and asked if there was ever a day or time in their life that they felt happy at all because all I ever saw was a petty minded bunch of miserable old buggers actively seeking out things to be offended by. Well of course all the flats heard this as I've got a foghorn of a voice when I'm annoyed. Never any trouble after that. I think of it as standing up to bullies.

I lived there 10 years, acquired 2 small dogs, a husband and two little girls and ended up getting quite friendly with nearly all of them. One of the "nice" flats who had always been pleasant to me, thanked me for making them laugh so much when I had had a go at the grumpy old man that time. They said none of their block liked him he was always grumbling about something.
This woman might be the same. If she shouts shut up at your DD again I would start doing some of that performative parenting stuff.

I can't believe one little girl playing with her toys on her own in your garden can make enough noise to justify a neighbour shouting shut up.

Are they council or private flats?

Time to buy a trampoline and basketball hoop.

Was going to say neither of you are unreasonable and I close mine similarly, because thanks to dodgy ears other noises make it impossible for me to watch TV or concentrate etc. But she shouldn't have shouted to shut up.

🤣🤣100%
The woman sounds horrible shouting at a 4 year old.
Your daughter sounds lovely

You'd think someone in a retirement home could just turn down their hearing aids! Usually it's elderly people with the telly on really loudly that can be disruptive! She's shutting the window, she'd not made a complaint (other than the 'shut up' which is best ignored) so just carry on as you are.

Who the fuck shouts at a small child? Shitehawk.

Yes, this! Is it warden run? Would be worth having a word of it continues