to wonder how you are treated day to day impacts your desire for sex.

[mingetwinge01]

I was sat enjoying a couple of glasses of wine with my Dad. We both recently lost my Mum suddenly at the age of 72. My Dad had been with my mum since the age of 16, she was 15 and being brought up in the era he was has shaped his thinking.

We were speaking about fidelity and he said that he was faithful to my mum throughout their 57 year relationship – I have no doubt of this. My maternal grandad died when I was 21 and I was really sad later on to learn that he had cheated on my Grandmother for probably about 20 years.

My Grandmother was beautiful – I mean stunningly beautiful.. Gorgeous dark hair, olive skin and more importantly a really kind, pure person who never had a bad word to say about anyone. He told me that my Grandad had told him that his reason for cheating is that my Nan was no longer interested in sex.

While my Dad never did this he seemed to accept that was a reason for doing what he did. It was probably a couple of glasses of wine speaking but I said,” I wonder what he was doing to make her minge twinge?’ I remember her saying that she wishes he would wear deodorant as sometimes he smelt? Was he making sure he was clean? Being helpful at home? Speaking to her kindly? Listening to her when she was worried or upset? I would imagine that answer was no and he felt the fact that she was refusing his advances was enough for him to seek sex elsewhere and with justification.

I said to my Dad that if my husband was being lazy at home, leaving every thing to me the last thing I would want was sex. My Dad seemed quite shocked that this was the case and he was left pondering. It made me think about how many women in 2024 feel obligated to have sex when they don’t really want to.

Personally, if my husband was being crap at home and leaving everything to me, sex is the last thing on my list. So I am intrigued. Does you husbands’ involvement in the day to day, mundane activities of life or lack of it impact your libido? Personally there is nothing more sexy than my husband telling me to put my feet up while clearing up from dinner and washing the kitchen floor.

Yanbu, I am always not just more up for it mentally when dh has been attentive all day but my body is too, I find myself so much more physically in the mood. It makes sense really now I think about it!

Yes completely.
We had words last week about me feeling like the maid/his lack of washing up/putting (his) laundry away/not cleaning up after himself and he improved drastically, which has made me much more keen on sex. It literally correlates!

I think of it a bit like the hierarchy of needs. If my needs are met in terms of the basic goals of running a house and my children being parented, I am more likely to be relaxed enough to move beyond the basics into less essential (for me) territory of sexual desire. Therefore the more support with those tasks I get the more likely I am to be in the mood. I don't really understand why so many men don't seem to get this, yes their desire is often more spontaneous but surely being in a relationship with a woman is a clue to how her sexual desire might work. And if told they often see it as ok so if I help I'll get more sex then, yes? As if it's a promise. When that transactional attitude is a massive turnoff. It's wanting to play an equal role because you love and support your partner that's sexy.

So well worded I whole heartedly agree. I'm obsessed with my husband and really fancy him but yes, a transactional attitude is a turn off no matter who it's from.

You said "I wonder what he was doing to make her minge twinge" to your father?? I must be getting very old - that is a conversation I would never in a million years have had with my dad!

I was just thinking that! There is no way in a million years I would have uttered those words to my father. It wouldn't matter how much I'd had to drink.

Haha - There is nothing more I like than saying things to shock my Dad. I am 47. Over the years I've had to provide personal care for my Mum due to her illness, wiping her bottom when she probaly hated me doing it etc and what relieved the tension was always humour. He was shocked....and then he laughed.

Same with me too - I think it's also about responsibility and respect as well. When my partner is leaving stuff everywhere and doesn't care about simple adult things like whether we are wasting food or the house is tidy for guests, I feel a bit like I'm living with a teenager or someone with little awareness or care or intelligence, even that it's a bit like a parent/child relationship. Really turns me off. When he is making a meal with all the leftovers that need eating or cleaning the shower or something I feel like I just respect and like him more and feel much more attracted to him.