Making a plan to leave emotionally abusive DH

[WineGumm]

I am finally putting together a plan to leave verbally/emotionally abusive DH after many (miserable) years together. We have children, we don’t own our property, it’s a council house in both our names.

Seeking advice from those leaving similar marriages/relationships.

My plan so far -

I plan to take a leave of absence/annual leave from work during the weeks I plan to leave him.

I will then seek advice from a solicitor and apply for a divorce.

Housing - This is where it gets complicated-the lease is in both of our names. Financially I have worked out that I could just about get by by renting privately-just to break free, I would leave my name on the lease while the divorce went through then hopefully move back into the council house when it is finalised. Could this plan work? Unfortunately I have no savings, nothing to furnish a property and purchase white goods etc.

Is this a terrible plan? If my name remains on the lease would my DH demand that I either pay my share if I move out or remove my name and give it to him?

Council house was in my name long before I met DH but obviously his name is on the lease now.

I cannot bear the thought of asking for a divorce then remaining in the property with him.

He is the higher earner, professional job, earns way, way more than I do. I am only part time in a low paying job.

Ideally he would move out and I could remain with the children.

Get a recommendation for a really good solicitor and ask them about the house. Usually the person who has main custody of the children keeps the home.

Have you contacted the council about their policies for housing in divorces?. It sounds like you have a better claim than he does.

I was following another thread of yours recently. I’m so pleased to see you are actively making a plan to leave him 💪🏼

I don’t know the answers with your council house…….. but please be very very careful and do not move out of the council property without knowing exactly what would happen if you do. I think you put yourself in danger of losing it if you move out leaving him in there. Would give him a stronger case to keep it. So speak to a good solicitor and your housing association - ideally in writing from the housing association so you have it as evidence if needed.

Did you speak to the housing association about being in an abusive relationship? Ask if you can get him removed from the lease? Especially if it was your home independent of him initially.

Thank you. The council have said that the person moving out would write to them requesting their name to be removed from the lease. I can’t see him doing that easily!

I have only initially asked about what would happen if a relationship broke down but I haven’t mentioned DA yet. I’m going to see WA tomorrow for further advice on what to do.

I actually was just reading a post on another forum about a woman who was in a council house and left her husband due to DA, he remained in the property and now she is struggling to get him out.

Great idea to speak to WA about it. I’m sure they have seen this same situation before and can advise. Good luck x

How did you get on with WA @WineGumm?

All went well at WA, they were so helpful and reassuring. I had an initial panic afterwards that I told WA everything. They advised to speak to a solicitor that specialises in DA and have offered to write to my housing association mentioning the abuse and requesting another property. They did not recommend DH and I staying very close geographically due to DA so I might have to move further away but remain in the same city hopefully. 🤞

Good luck @WineGumm I have my fingers crossed for you that you can find new housing quickly 🤞🏼🤞🏼 Keep us updated x

due to DA you may be able to apply for an occupation order - contact Domestic Violence & Abuse · Emergency Injunction Service (ncdv.org.uk)

this would mean that he would have to leave the family home.

I'm glad WA were helpful Op. When you speak to a solicitor you should ask them about the possibility of getting an occupation order. Good luck with the next steps.