Was I too harsh on my son?

[Meheh8]

Not sure if I'm bring unreasonable, but this is my first teen so please say if I am.
Son, 13 years old, has been at a scout camp this weekend. I picked him up today and had the leader telling me that he's not been the best behaved. He broke their den because he wanted to see if removing a part would result in it breaking, not taking part in group activities, not doing his part in cleaning and generally being a bit annoying by the sounds of things. It meant his team lost points and didn't win or do very well in a few activities. Not sure why my son was acting like this. I'm quite embarrassed and disappointed in him. He can be annoying to peers (doesn't always realise) but deliberately damaging the den is out of character.
Overall, not the best weekend in terms of behaviour.
Son said after I had words with him that one of his team strangled him (he agreed that was a bit exaggerated later on) and pushed him. He seems to think that what the other lad did over rules everything he's done all weekend. I disagreed and said whilst no one should be physical (the other lad was dealt with for that) it doesn't excuse my son's behaviour. I said it was similar to someone poking and winding up a dog and being surprised when it snaps. The dog shouldn't bite, but you can't ignore the fact its been provoked.
I taken screens off my son for today and tomorrow and had a talk with him. He will also be apologising at his next scout meeting.

I mentioned all of this to my sister and she thinks I'm being unreasonable. Kids will be kids and my son was only messing around. She things the emphasis should be on the lad who was physical with my son. I did explain that the other lad had been punished at camp by the leaders etc but she still thinks I should be more concerned by their behaviour and not my sons.

Was I too harsh on my son?

No you definitely were not too harsh, it sounds like he was a pain and he will lose friends if he can't learn.

No he was badly behaved, you are right.

You’ve done exactly what you needed to do, op. It sounds very reasonable to me.

No, you weren’t too harsh. He used someone else’s bad behaviour as an excuse to be rude and annoying to the leaders - who had done nothing to him - and other kids who’d done nothing to him.

You did right by your son. If he keeps on behaving in those annoying ways and not pulling his weight with camp chores he will struggle to keep friends.

Is he able to articulate what was going on with his poor behaviour? Feeling anxious and out of comfort zone?

I think you were reasonable and proportionate. Maybe a letter/email to the leaders to apologise.

How was the other boy dealt with?

I agree with you, not your sister. If it was enough for the leaders to mention it it was probably a pain for them.

It would be nice if more parents were like you and actually made their children own up to their misbehaving at Scout (or Guide) camp rather than thinking the leaders are there to babysit

He did seem to understand the point after several attempts of explaining. I think he was trying to show off or act differently in front of new people. I don't think he wanted to just break the den for the sake of breaking, more not thinking. He can be annoying to his peers but he doesn't always mean to. He thinks he'll get a different reaction. Hes been bullied in the past so I think he tends to change around newer people to fit in. He didn't know everyone on in his group. But again, I've told him none of that excuses his behaviour.

No not too harsh at all.

He's obviously trying to deflect his behaviour by mentioning the incident with the other boy.

I'm surprised the group still want him to attend after his behaviour.

No you did the right thing, you parented him, it's what we are supposed to do.

He was removed from the afternoon activities and I believe his parents were informed

Has he outgrown scouts? Now he is a teenager, it might just not be his thing any more.

Hes starting explorers next year. I have asked him a few times if he wants to continue and he's said he'd like to continue.

Outgrown? Doesn't sound like he is mature enough for Scouts.
Well done OP, scout leaders have enough to do without that kind of behaviour. 👏
We ran scouts 30 years ago, had some real pita boys, fortunately sensible parents who were supportive too. 1 got a hiding from his father after threatening DH with a knife! DH received a written apology from boy and parents.

It's really good to nip this arsey behaviour in the bud.

Action, consequence - move on in a positive way.

My friend makes heed explorer scout miss the next session for any bad behaviour. Good behaviour in scouts is really important.