Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

ExH and Child Benefit

9 replies

FatfunandADHD · 23/06/2024 17:59

Please can someone tell me if I am being unreasonable.

My ExH and I have 50/50 care of my DS. When we first seperated I claimed Child Benefit and deducted 50% of the value from his half of childcare / activities etc that he had always done. So whilst I never transferred the funds directly to him we both financially benefitted from the amount and it was put against my sons extra curricular activities. My earnings have since increased and it is no longer in my interest to claim Child Benefit so I suggest my ExH take it over from me and so for the last 2 years it has been paid directly to him. I do not see a penny of it as I do all the childcare finances and so I request an amount from him every month. I asked if I could offset some of the CB so I could benefit slightly from it and he threw a massive strop about it and cancelled the CB all together. Eventually I think he realised that it was a stupid thing to do so he started claiming it again and still claims it now.

Last year my son started two new clubs, one my ExH signed him up for and paid for without my knowledge and told me after the event, it clashes with the second activity however my partner and I paid for the equipment for the 1st club which was equal to the value of 50% of the cost so in my mind we are financially equal on that front. The second activity's kit list was going to cost about £150 but my parents, uncle and brother kindly gave my DS enough money for the sole purpose of him getting this kit. ExH and I split the cost of the club which is paid monthly 50/50 and once a week we have to swap the kit over from one house to the other.

Today I realised we were missing a bit of kit for the second activity and purchasing would be about £20. I asked ExH if he could purchase it from the Child Benefit money as right now I am not in a financial position to pay for it. He has said that the Child Benefit money is allocated to paying for his half of DS's clubs and that purchasing this bit of kit is 50/50 or I should buy it myself.

I know its silly but in my mind he gets an extra £1200 a year and requesting the diversion of £20 to a piece of kit he needs / wants. He is not living on the breadline, he drives a nice car, plays golf regularly, goes on lads weekends away, goes out socialising alot etc.

I really am so frustrated I am tempted to tell him that I am not sharing the kit my family brought him and he can go and get a totally new kit bag which would cost him much more than the £20.

Am I being unreasonable in requesting him buy the piece of kit because he claims CB?

OP posts:
Sirzy · 23/06/2024 18:06

But you earn too much to get child benefit? And it’s being spent on him anyway.

Ooooh · 23/06/2024 18:09

It all sounds very petty.

Moonshine5 · 23/06/2024 18:09

Your love for your child should supercede your anger for your ex.

FatfunandADHD · 23/06/2024 18:12

Ooooh · 23/06/2024 18:09

It all sounds very petty.

Oh yes it 100% is and I'm aware of how petty it is. The man has put me through financial hell and I guess this is just the remaining anger.

OP posts:
Cherry8809 · 23/06/2024 18:17

It’s £20.

Just buy it yourself.

This hyper fixation on CB is odd.

TooLateForRoses · 23/06/2024 18:17

FatfunandADHD · 23/06/2024 18:12

Oh yes it 100% is and I'm aware of how petty it is. The man has put me through financial hell and I guess this is just the remaining anger.

You earn enough to not need the CB so just get over it and don't let him get to you.

Ooooh · 23/06/2024 18:18

I’ve been there. In fact I didn’t seek a penny from EA XH because of who he is. I literally paid for everything from 11 onwards and still do despite him earning more money than me.

What @Moonshine5 says essentially. I refused to give the man any more headspace. Even CMS would equal headspace for me personally so I’ve left him to it.

FatfunandADHD · 23/06/2024 18:26

Cherry8809 · 23/06/2024 18:17

It’s £20.

Just buy it yourself.

This hyper fixation on CB is odd.

I'm not sure it's hyper fixation more than it's just the topic of my question.

For those saying I earn more than the limit, I do just. He left me in financial ruin though so my debt levels are off the charts and I guess that's what bothers me. He lives the life of riley and I eat tomatoes on toast 5 nights a week to save up every penny I can to clear the debt and be able to move on with my.life.

I will pay the £20 and learn not to ask for his help again and keep sharing the kit but I just didn't feel my request was actually that unreasonable

OP posts:
NoSquirrels · 23/06/2024 18:29

He’s an arse, obviously. But you know that. Try not to engage with him about money like this, if you can possibly help it. Your mental health is worth more than £20.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page