Pushing for me to come on more family days out

[CarolVordermansPorkChop]

I have a good relationship with my ex and ex in laws. I have taken the children to them every Sunday for the last two years, except on special days (birthdays, Father’s Day)when we might do something together. It has always been a balancing act because ex MIL will ask me every week to join them in what they're doing and I have to politely decline.
The fact is that I have one day to myself and I do everything else. Ex picks up one day a week from school, I pick them up from him at 6 and on Sundays I drop them at 12 and pick up at 6. So I have 9 kid free hours when I'm not working.
When I go on a day out with them, I'm still expected to do everything. My ex just sits back. It's exhausting and I don't feel rested.
Also the DC's say things like 'don't you want to spend time with us mummy?' 'Don't you miss us, mummy?'
I just feel so guilty, yet justified in my decision, and I really need my Sundays.

Also the DC's say things like 'don't you want to spend time with us mummy?' 'Don't you miss us, mummy?'

One of them must be feeding them this rubbish and actually I think that’s why a clear boundary between time with Mummy and time with daddy needs to be made.

Response to “Don’t you want to spend time with us, Mummy” -

“I think it’s very important you have time just with Daddy as well as all the time we get to spend together.”

Yes of course I miss you but its important you do things with daddy and nan without me because they miss you too and me being there means they cant spend all their time with you if Im there.

this is being fed from somewhere for sure!

Have your responses ready;

“I wish I could but have sooo much work to catch up on as I don’t have the time for it being so hectic in the week’’
”Gosh no, I don’t want to take away from your time with Daddy this is his only chance at quality time with you, mummy gets to see you the whole rest of the week”

Also just have ‘plans’ ready to say as excuses. You deserve some time off too Op!

Why is it you doing all the transporting?

@DelphiniumBlue he doesn't drive

That’s not your problem though, he needs to be doing some of the legwork especially when he is having them for such short lengths of time as it is.

Of course they want you on the days out. They actually have to do some caring fans entertaining if you're not there.

Just keep stressing how it's important for them to have that special time with Dad and Nan and you feel so lucky to see so much of them for the rest of the week.

And "poor daddy must miss you 6x as much as he hasn't seen you for 6 days"

So that doesn't explain why you are doing all the donkey work. Can he not walk, or get a bus, or a train or a cab?
Sounds like he wants you to do all the work, that's why you're being asked to go along on days out.

That's his problem to solve though - he is, after all, supposed to be an adult. Not having a car/being unable to drive should not mean you are imposed on further by this person who's now your Ex.

And I agree, it sounds like your children are being manipulated, to guilt trip you. You've had some good suggestions on how that respond when anybody tries to manipulate you either directly or through your children.

If necessary put "ghost" commitments in your smartphone calendar if you have nothing more concrete to do, but do consider what you'd like to actually do, either alone or with friends/other family. Don't let your Ex co-opt your time and energy whilst he does the minimum/nothing. Bad enough if you were still married/in a relationship with him - which is no longer the case. 🌹