Am I making excuses? Weight loss appointment.

[Weightwoes]

I phoned my drs surgery this week to make an appointment to discuss and maybe see if there’s any help with my eating issues and weight, without doing into too much detail I have a lot of problems with starving myself and binging. I have a lot of anxiety and struggle with intrusive thoughts that I feel are not helping with my weight but are also impacting my life generally so I was hoping to discuss this too.

Reception suggested an appointment with the weight loss clinic instead and I didn’t feel I could say no so agreed to see them. The person I saw asked me a few questions where I tried to explain what my issues were, they pretty much ignored all of that and said my portion sizes must be huge. I explained that actually I can’t really eat a lot in one sitting, my eating habits veer more towards binging on food throughout the day some days and starving myself others, when I’m feeling better I eat normal sized meal but she insisted they were obviously too large.

She asked if I was working and I said no, she leaned back in her chair and said ah there’s your problem, you’re eating because you’re bored, you need to get a job. I agreed there may be an element of that but it’s not feasible for me to work right now as I have a SEN child attending a non local school and a husband who’s job frequently means he’s away or working long past the time of school transport drop off etc, with no local help it’s just too hard.

After this she said as I had a lot of free time I should join a gym, I said we were looking into it but an extra £500 a month for the gym might not be that easy to find right now. At this point she said I was making excuses and losing weight isn’t that hard, that I would never succeed if I didn’t put in any effort. She was extremely exasperated with me and I was just wishing the ground would swallow me up.

Everything she said basically reinforced the image I have in my head that I’m a horrible greedy person with no self control and now I’m just as fixated on whether I am making excuses. I accept I am obviously not helping myself as I wouldn’t be this heavy if I was, but I don’t think my work situation and inability to afford to join the one gym that’s local to us are excuses, they’re a genuine hinderance that I’m not really in a position to remedy right now?

I guess I’m wondering if I am unreasonable to think it’s not as simple as get a job and join a gym for everyone?

Sorry that was so long, just trying to give the context to avoid drip feeding.

You're suffering from disordered eating, or even fully blown ED. That service is clearly not designed for you. I think the resources for ED are pretty poor sadly, except on very extreme cases.
Could you look up local services for binge eating disorder? I found emotional freedom technique can help with these urges. It sounds daft, it's just tapping different parts of your head and neck in succession, but it's relaxing and stops urges.

Oh I'm so sorry, you had definitely been pointed towards the wrong place. You need specialist eating disorder treatment, not a weight loss clinic. No helpful advice really other than go back and try again to get referred to the right service, but I'm really sorry you had that experience.

This sounds like a pretty weird weight loss clinic! Reminds me of the Little Britian sketch 😆
Forget what she said it sounds more like you have binge eating problems. The restrict/binge cycle is what you need to work on. Have a look at The Binge Eating therapist on YouTube

I think some people don’t quite understand how hard it is to manage food for some people. Professionals included.
Go back to the GP. (Lie about appt need if you have to). Speak to someone about your mental health. Google NHS talking therapies and get on the waiting list.
Google is there are any eating disorder/binge eating services support in your area.
BEAT is a charity who may have some online resources you may find useful.

Some NHS trusts have a 12 week healthy lifestyle programme which would have been more useful to you than the info you were given in the weight loss clinic!

Mental health issues around food are complex.
some of the things I try are: eating three meals a day, with snacks. 3-4 hours between food. No limits on what I can eat just trying not to starve or binge.
drink 2l of water a day.
go for a walk or up and down the stairs for 10/20/30 mins whatever I can do.
try to eat veg or fruit at every meal.

I don’t try all of these at the same time nor do I do these successfully every day.
I don’t know if these with work if you have an eating disorder so I really think you need some sensible professional advice (rather than what you experienced).

good luck with it.

Do you mean £50 per month for the gym?

I thought £500 sounded steep!

She is right in essence but her approach was not. The blunt short sharp shock approach works with some and not with others, like you. You need a more supportive gentle approach.
You can definitely exercise without the gym. But you need to build it into your schedule. You must also be extremely bored and depressed not working which can affect your ED - you need help with that. Sorry you had that experience…

I'm going to pick up on a couple of points.

Gym membership. £500 a month? £20 from Pure Gym and many others, around £70 ish for the most expensive local authority ones or from Nuffield, often far less for off-peak use (or in areas that aren't quite so expensive in general terms as mine).

Gym use/exercise is very good for anxiety, because anxiety is your fight/flight/freeze response sticking in the freeze; if your brain is screaming at you 'Run Away! Fight! Run!', if you do a physical activity, that tells your body and brain that you've done it and it's OK to come off high alert now.

Exercise can also help regulate your appetite, as you'll be hungry (so less starving yourself), often encourages you to eat more satisfying, healthier foods - such as craving chicken and salad or vegetables, rather than the sort of foods that make you sleepier or just reward the taste receptors with sweetness - and it's not feasible for any unconscious, bored or swallowing down anxiety type of eating to go on when sat at a rowing machine or halfway through a swimming pool length 🙂

Fear can lead to people creating artificially high barriers, such as gyms only cost £500 a month - a David Lloyd may be the nearest to you, but if there's one of those, there's likely to be some significantly cheaper ones close as well, as they only appear in areas where there is a reasonable prospect of demand, such as where there are already some less gyms being used by the local population. It doesn't mean there aren't barriers, but it's likely that they're not as high as your fear response is creating in your head.

Have a look again without the £500 figure in your mind and see what's about. Worry about the food stuff later, what's important when you're constantly on panic stations and trying to calm yourself is to find out ways to do that without causing yourself further harm.

And no, don't fix on Ozempic/Fasting/Why We Eat Too Much/gastric surgery/keto or anything else as being the sole solution to all of your problems, even if you're told to on here. Look to your general mental wellbeing first and the rest can follow when you are ready.

My gym membership is 21 pounds a month,

I don't see a problem with them looking at your issue holistically.

It weightloss 'isn't that hard' how is she employed?

Make a complaint. Go back to your GP and state that you need ED treatment.

I'm sorry you were treated like that.

@Hermittrismegistus @OhHelloMiss Ha yes sorry I meant it’s £500 a year, although I’ve just checked and it’s actually now gone up to £630 a year, paying monthly makes it even more expensive so we were hoping to pay yearly. As my husband would like to join and I’d want to take my son swimming we’re looking at over a grand and a half, so it’s something we want to do but we need to look at our budget etc first. She really made me question if it’s just us this is a lot of money too, she literally said you just need to go join and go every day…

@NeverDropYourMooncup I fear I’m going to come out with more excuses here but we live fairly rurally and neither me or my husband drive so our options as far as gyms go is literally the one we can walk to here and it’s not cheap. But that is on us for not driving so we are hoping to make it work, but it’s not a case of just paying it right now as we have a lot of other more pressing things that need the money.

I do a lot of the work outs you can follow at home on YouTube but sometimes when my moods so low it’s such a struggle to get the motivation and enthusiasm to do them. I’m starting to think maybe my mood issues are what I should have been seeking help with.

As pp said you are suffering with disordered eating and you need to be treated as such. Get another GP appointment and say it is for your mental health. Unfortunately a lot of eating disorders in over weight people do not get treated as they send you to these weight loss clinics with no specialist support and just treat you as 'greedy and making excuses'. I'm sorry you went through that OP.

That sounds more like the Social Prescriber Weight Loss service they have at my GP Practice. It's not geared up for people with disordered eating or eating disorders. You need psychological help too with those.

Unless someone has direct experience of this, you'll get a lot of well meaning people giving you advice that will make things worse for you. Many years ago, I found a Counsellor who specialised in ED who helped me understand what was going on. However, it wasn't until I removed the root cause of it that I was able to address my eating issues. Can you get help for your anxiety and intrusive thoughts?

I’ve just been through a program for binge eating disorder. I’d go with your instinct that this weight loss clinic isn’t the one for you as it sounds like the facilitator hasn’t got a clue beyond someone whose portions have crept up. Some of the traditional strategies for weight loss may be harmful for you until the binge eating is addressed as they can promote restriction which can trigger binges.

I was referred to my county eating disorders service by my bariatric team however when I started i realised there was also a self referral. It was a 9 week video call based guided self help approach which is what NICE recommended. I’d contact your GP again to discuss your situation and take advice or explore making a self referral to ED services.

I’m sorry she was so blunt but I agree with PP saying that she was right in essence. There are a lot of free exercise options available on YouTube, brisk walking is also free. If money is an issue you would be able to save a lot by addressing the binging.

If your mood is low after exercise it means that you are probably not putting enough effort, I’m sorry if this sounds mean. The endorphin kick after exercise is absolutely a real thing but it can only be experienced if the exercises are challenging enough.

@BobbyBiscuits @Foxblue @Bananawotsit thanks for your posts, they’re very helpful. I have approached the surgery for help before with limited success. I did have CBT for severe social anxiety a few years ago now where the therapist suggested a have PTSD from my childhood and that a lot of my issues stem from this but even she said there wasn’t much help in our area and suggested I pay for private counselling. I’ve been struggling with this food related behaviour with since I was a child and now I’m nearly forty and the heaviest I’ve ever been, I’m just utterly disgusted with myself.

Mental health issues around food are complex.

Agree with this, and your basic GP or hospital based dieticians are ime are not much, if any, help. When my mum had multiple chronic illnesses with conflicting information on the standard leaflets they gave out for each condition they were clueless and dismissive. When I went to my annual high blood pressure appointment last year the nurse said “you have put on more weight since last year, have you heard of NHS <something about healthy eating>, I’ll put down here I told you about it”, then told me nothing about it and said bye!

I can’t imagine there are any services that are any better with the mental health side of disordered eating until you end up in a crisis.

Sorry to say for your weight issue you will probably need to take control research and try to find the support elsewhere (GP programme, Weightwatchers, SW, a MN thread, Facebook groups etc), or within yourself, and keep trying until you find something that works for you, as if the NHS does help it is likely to be a long waiting list.

Perhaps try to go to GP again to discuss your anxiety and intrusive thoughts and don’t mention your weight. If you get help with them perhaps dealing with your weight issue might be more achievable.

@HcbSS @CortieTat

The blunt approach definitely doesn’t help me, it just reminds me of my mum constantly berating me for being fat and saying it’s my fault for being so greedy and eating more than one biscuit while simultaneously serving me huge plates of stodgy food and not letting me leave the table until it was all eaten. That’s actually one reason I don’t like the feeling of being too full and don’t over eat in that way.

Jesus OP, well I'm a PT and it'd be a cold day in hell before I spoke to someone in such a pathetically amateur, frankly cruel, and also shockingly uninformed way, as this women spoke to you.

I'm an exercise professional but tbh often it isn't about exercise or weight loss, it's all about emotions, stress, and that kind of thing and one has to tread very, very carefully.

I'd personally be putting in a complaint. Do t take any of that crap that came out of her mouth seriously.

Honestly please can people really be careful with uninformed advice. Exercise certainly can make some people feel a bit worse temporarily, depending on their hormones, trauma response and type of exercise. I had a client who was trying to use exercise for mental health and a certain kind was making her feel more angry, which can happen (often with stuff like HIIT). It's partly related to higher temporary cortisol levels during and after exercise. The worst thing you can do is blame OP and say she's doing exercise wrong.

OP, exercise is certainly super useful for you, for so many reasons. If you feel one type doesn't work for you definitely persevere with different kinds.

@Workoutinthepark Thanks for this, I was trying to work out where I’d given the impression exercise was making my mood worse. I actually find it really beneficial, on days I go out and get in a brisk walk or make the effort to do something at home I feel a lot more positive and it’s easier to resist the lure of food. I just find it so hard sometimes to get the motivation when I’m not sleeping well and feeling anxious and panicky. I wish I could work out how to force myself to do some exercise when I’m feeling low as I know logically it would help me a lot.

Tell yourself 'I'll give it ten minutes and stop if I still feel shit'. Always works for me, as once I've hit that ten minutes, I can usually bargain with myself 'OK, I'll give it another ten' - and then before I know it, I've sailed through the next twenty and I'm feeling far, far better again.

Is there a route you could walk that has natural stopping points, like a large tree, top of a field, local shop, a riverbank or that kind of thing? If there is, you can set off for the nearest point and then see once you're there if you can bargain with yourself to do the next before coming back. Make it a routine that when your DC goes to school, you head for the big Oak Tree and back again, maybe going on to the War Memorial/Church Hall, Postbox, etc, for example.

I reckon you'll feel more able to do more when you get back home with that embedded as part of your routine.

I'm sorry you had this experience @Weightwoes.

You certainly have disordered eating, and unfortunately there remains a lot of judgement and stigma around diet and weight, with many people dismissing or not understanding the mental health complexities.

People who are overweight with eating disorders are also treated with less sympathy and kindness than those who are underweight.

You don't need weight loss advice, you need mental health support, and I would self refer yourself for talking therapies.

Speaking from personal experience, I can strongly recommend reading Brain over Binge by Kathryn Hansen and the Bulimia Help Method by Alison Kerr. I was already in group therapy at that point without much success, and reading these books were what helped me to overcome my bulimia. It was transformative.

If you're waiting for therapy, you might also get some benefit from using CBT techniques on yourself when you get those negative thoughts about yourself.

@NeverDropYourMooncup I couple of years ago I got into a good routine of walking down to the local park and home every day and my weight was so much better but like I had a bad few weeks of being too busy, not wanting to leave the house or bad weather and then never really got back into it. It’s like I mentally go you’ll just give up so don’t bother again. I think I definitely need to do what you say and set smaller goals that are easier to stick to.

I wasn’t sure if it was relevant but it has been suggested by the specialist who diagnosed my son that I look into an autism diagnosis for myself. I do a lot of hyper focusing on things which means sometimes I do really well like with exercise but at the same time when I’m fixated on food it just feels all encompassing.
I think my take away from this thread is to go back to the drs, ask to be assessed for ASD and try again to get some help with my mental health issues. It definitely feels like the more I’m struggling with that the more my food issues are totally out of hand.