DP hates me working in a pub - causing relationship problems

[Username1233]

Mumsnet, please offer me some words of advice. Our relationship is currently struggling, partly because financially things are SO tough right now. Just to give a picture, we have been together 10 years, have 2 DC, one of which is 1 and the nursery costs are crippling us. DP works a full time job and works 2 evenings a week elsewhere, I've returned to my career part time (to cut down on paying childcare for 5 days) but ive also had to pick up a second job, also doing two evenings a week to make up for loss of full time hours. This is where the problem is. The second job is working behind a bar which opens until 1am. It is mainly men who drink there. However, it's the only second job I've been able to find which pays enough, and fits around the kids and our other 3 jobs.
My partner HATES it. He hasn't asked me to quit working there, but will be offish with me the day I'm going (he says he feels anxious, and just doesn't like the idea of me being "hit" on by other men - which really doesn't happen! I'm beginning to feel guilty for making myself look presentable to go to work (as you would for any job!), and feeling like I should quit. If I do quit I could maybe do takeaway driving but it will mean I'm out for 3 evenings a week as opposed to 2 (and I'm already mentally and physically exhausted right now). My DP says any man would feel the same (not happy with their partner working behind a bar which sleezy men drink at) - which I can kind of understand, but at the same time it feels like a them problem? I've always been faithful, we have had a great relationship but this is really making me angry now. I feel totally unappreciated and guilty for working a job (I already don't want to do!) so we have enough income to pay the mortgage, childcare and general bills (we are not going on lavish holidays, buying all new clothes etc). So AIBU to work behind a bar knowing my partner feels this way? Should I just quit and find something else? It's beginning to feel a little toxic and controlling which is why I feel I should stay, but is it worth risking our relationship out of spite? DP obviously isn't in a great place mentally, we are both just absolutely exhausted with life at the moment (which I'm sure many other people are feeling to).

@Username1233
In that case OP, your DP is BU, controlling and jealous, he needs to get a grip.

He is BU. You are safer in a bar than going driving to random addresses. I did my stent in bars honestly the regulars would have bounced out anyone who mouthed off.

Yep, they would !

Another jealous controlling man who doesn't want other men looking at his possession. He isn't very bright either. Women can get "hit on" anywhere, in the street, in an office.
Don't give up your job for something less convenient. Let him work more hours if he doesn't like you doing this one. You don't have to change what you do just because of what he is imagining might happen.

Other men don't feel that way. My husband has no problem woth me meeting men at work for lunch 1 to 1 or texting hut I bet your DP would.

It's a him problem and I think the more you try to soothe him the more it will.take root. You need a standard line like "I'm not talking about this anymore and im fed up hearing you bang on about what other men might be thinking. This conversation is closed." I think you also need to push back and cold shoulder him after the behaviour.

Don’t quit because of him OP. I personally think he’s got some serious projection going on!

He needs to step up and make more money then, you need the income so you work. His jealousy is pathetic.

Defo a him problem. Ignore and keep working in the pub if needs must. I worked in a pub for years when my DC were small. Same old men in there from 11am every day, tradesmen in after work, the young crowd in at the weekends. I never felt safer and my now DH never once suggested that he was uncomfortable with my job. Your DP sounds like he's projecting!

So he's some combination of:
Controlling; views all men in a shit sexist way; views all women in a shit sexist way; doesn't trust you. Any or all of which makes him a bellend. And you are right - it is a them problem, not a you problem or a job problem.

It’s not normal behaviour from him. He is being well out of order and controlling. Dont leave the job op.

I thought you were going to say it's because he's worried about your safety, in which case, I can see his argument.
However the fact it's because other men might hit on you, tells me your husband is in fact a complete nob.

My DP says any man would feel the same (not happy with their partner working behind a bar which sleezy men drink at)

No they wouldn’t!

The only ones who would have an issue with this are the ones who are controlling.

What happens when you go out for the night with friends to a bar/club?
Does he have an issue with you dressing up then?
Are you even allowed to go out to clubs/bars with friends?

This comes down to two things.
Do you feel safe working there? Are there other staff, if someone really made a nuisance of themselves would someone be there to back you up?
Does your dp trust you?
His attitude to this is deeply unhelpful. He should be proud you’re working so hard to keep your family going.

He is being a controlling idiot. You are providing for your family. A job is a job regardless of what you're doing . My husband would not dream of telling me to leave cause I worked in a pub.

Why is your male partner calling men sleazy?

I think his attitude towards men say a lot about 'his behaviour " around females working in a pub.

No,my husband wouldn't have an issue at all.

Exactly.
It's always the sleazy perverted men who get most protective over their teenage daughters.