Was I too harsh with this guy?

[Odetomyfamily11]

A classmate I haven't seen in 17 years recently started messaging.
He tried it on around 6 years ago but I was not interested. He's a single Dad and doesn't seem to have had a serious relationship for a while.

Anyway, he started messaging. I was polite and friendly, not flirty or anything. We just talked about work, holidays etc.
Anyway at one point he invited me to ride the back of his motorbike and I declined as I didn't feel safe doing that, I was honest.

He said no worries, what about going for a coffee? I said yes when I get back from my holiday, and I would've genuinely gone.

He said he was going away next weekend and said to me 'you should come with'.

Straightaway I replied 'sorry I'm not interested in that but thanks. '

He replied 'God you're so dramatic aren't you 🤣'

I ignored and haven't heard from him since, no intentions to message again.

If I'd ignored, written 'oh I'm just busy/I'll let you know', then that would've given him further ammunition to ask me again, or he might've taken it as 'hard to get".

I know it sounds direct but I'd prefer honesty too. Surely he didn't think I'd go for a weekend away with someone I hadn't even seen and barely spoken to for 17 years? Maybe I shouldn't have even accepted the coffee, even if I meant it in a platonic way, it doesn't always come across like that.

What else could I have done? It just seems like him blaming me/lashing out because I politely rejected.

You were not rude. He sounds intense.

I've just found subtle hints/excuses don't always work. I tried it years ago, the guy didn't take it and kept trying, I ended up just telling him 'im sorry but I am not interested in you, you're wasting your time.'
He told me 'Wow I was only being polite that's all' and never spoke to me again.

He's one of those irritating, pesky men. His response was due to being turned down and a bruised ego. Block him.

It sounds like you are not at all interested in him be it as a friend or anything more, so it is fine, best he knows straight or he'll just keep pestering you with false hope.

Both the examples you cite quite rightly leave no room for misinterpretation. It means they can't pretend you are interested and they're smarting from that. Which is fine, because they both sound like the type to keep hassling you otherwise.

You weren't rude or anything, just direct. His follow up was just him trying to save face. Tosser. Definitely best avoided.

I just think this is why women are afraid of being direct about it and are socialised to instead make polite excuses.

Exactly! I suppose men must be socialised to respond like that too? Sneery little fucker.

You were absolutely correct in your reply.
His reply shows that he is a dick. No wonder he is single.
He asked if you wanted to do X and you said no. That is absolutely fine. What else are you supposed to reply?
I would either ghost or block him.
I would not want to spend anytime with someone like him under any circumstances.
Men like him criticise women when they are direct and criticise women when they are not direct. You can’t win with these types.

You politely rejected a man you weren't interested in. If he has a problem with that then he's giving you a sign that you made the right decision. If not spending the weekend with someone you don't know well is you "being dramatic" imagine the gaslighting he could pull once he got his claws in. Men who put women down in that way do not make good partners.

Was there a chance he was just joking about the weekend away? Surely nobody would be that intense. Then your reply made you sound very serious x

He called you dramatic?

Quite the projection there, Mr Creepy Fucker.

You're well shot of him. I'd suggest blocking him, just to be sure.

He could've been joking, but how were I to know that?

You weren’t being rude, he was. A bit much to be holding tight on his motorbike. That wasn’t a joke invitation and that was intense enough.

Even if he was, it wasn't actually funny. He was being pushy.

That invitation reminds me of the nasty old "NRNR" rule.

I wouldn't feel safe going on the back of anyone's motorbike tbh, I've never been on one in my life, I told him that honestly.

Anyway fortunately I think that's the last I'll be hearing from him.

That's a relief!

He was the one who was rude, not you.

He just doesn't think does he. Invite you to ride pillion on his motorbike eh? Does he have a full set of PPE for you (helmet, leathers, boots, ear protection, gloves), in the right size? Of course not, so how will you minimise horrendous injuries if you fall off! He'll be one of those "Oh, I didn't think of that" gormless people.
Inviting you away with him when you've not even established a friendship in the last 17 years is also dim. Not thought that through either has he 🙄

You weren't remotely dramatic, just polite yet clear. I'd have been tempted to reply "Dramatic?" and see him squirm if he tries to explain himself. But ignoring and/or blocking is fine.

I think you’ve handled it perfectly.

You dodged a bullet good job 👏 👍

There is no excuse for using that tone of voice with you. The more people tolerate that, the more it sanitises that behaviour.

Good on you 👍

What he means is, you were supposed to say yes or fawn with a bit of, "That's sounds amazing! I'd love too do that but I can't - gutted!"

Or similar.

If you look at threads on here where women are asking for advice on how they should handle/have handled a situation with a man, there will always be a few women who think they were too harsh and should have 'gently' replied with x, y or z.

You've dented his ego by womaning wrong. That's all. Well done!

You're overthinking this.

It sounds like he was a bit embarrassed and just chucked out the first comment that came to his mind.

He'll be used to this sort of response from women, given how desperate he comes across.

Your reply was completely normal.