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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Struggling with tween son

6 replies

fusspot786 · 22/06/2024 23:51

Ds is 12 and I'm really struggling with him. He's a lovely lad, no issues with behaviour ( except the usual pre teen attitude) but I find free time with him like weekends and especially school holidays really hard.
I have two younger kids from current marriage and ds12 is at an age where none of the things I do with them are suitable or interesting for him.
Equally he doesn't seem fussed about doing things with me alone either. I've booked time off work when the little ones are in nursery to take him to the cinema etc and he's not just bothered. He plays a lot of sport and keeps himself occupied with that but that's it.
I encourage him to see friends and offer lifts but he doesn't have the initiative to actually arrange things and most of his friends live out of the area so without solid plans he can't just turn up or wander around to the park iyswim.
When he's home he's no bother. He will kick a ball around outside, game, read, but I just have this constant guilty, anxious feeling that I'm not doing enough and it's really annoying. It was so much easier when he was little and I could take him to farm parks or soft play etc!
I would happily take him and friends out but it's tricky with the little dc too and again, requires organisation with friends which he doesn't seem to have the skills to sort.
I'm hoping things will get better and this is just a particularly awkward in-between age?

OP posts:
minipie · 23/06/2024 00:18

Honestly, it sounds like he’s happy and it’s you that’s bothered?

I do think it’s an in between age and things change at 13+ when they organise to meet by themselves more. As long as he does have friends and isn’t spending all day on screens I think you’re ok.

stressedespresso · 23/06/2024 01:06

OP, he sounds perfectly happy - a lot more balanced than most tweens these days. You’re worrying over a complete non issue

NuffSaidSam · 23/06/2024 01:11

He sounds happy to me.

Maybe get him to invite a friend along to a day out if you really feel like he needs more. Something like a trampoline park is fun for both 12 year olds and younger kids. Or the cinema, but see different films. Or swimming at a big pool with slides. Or even a bit of time outside, he can kick a ball with a friend and the little ones can pick up sticks/go in the playground etc.

Purpleturtle45 · 23/06/2024 08:00

Struggling? From what you have described he sounds like he is active, well behaved and easy going. You are worrying over nothing!

MaryMaryVeryContrary · 23/06/2024 08:04

He sounds a great kid who is happy to entertain himself and has a range of interests which mean he isn’t cooped up gaming all day. I would leave him be.

fusspot786 · 23/06/2024 08:57

Thank you all I probably am worrying over nothing. I just feel like he maybe spends a bit too much time alone. It makes me sad to see him cooped up in his room or kicking a ball around alone outside. But I suppose this is how he prefers it.
Lots of his friends are out til all hours apparently in the area where they live. Constant sleepovers and things like that. But maybe he's not interested in that just yet (which is fine by me!)
Sometimes it gets exhausting thinking up ways to keep both him and the little ones entertained.

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