Is it easy to get used to having money after not having much?

[CarolVordermansPorkChop]

I'm a single mum, constantly skint. We have lived like this for so long. Eating pasta five times a week, buying reductions, not many treats. I budget for some stuff so we have had some holidays and Christmas I save for, it's not all been doom and gloom. We are definitely very lucky in some aspects (secure housing, low childcare).
I'm at the end of some training and my wages will go up by £700 a month. In theory, but I expect I will be taxed a LOT:
I'm just wondering how this will affect me. We are so conditioned to scrimp and save, I'm worried I'll go a bit wild and forget my budgeting skills. I'm even worried that things won't feel special anymore, stuff like the excitement of finding something nice in the reduced or charity shop.
I want to overpay on the mortgage. I also want to put more aside, any other good tips? Obviously pension.

I don't think you will ever forget what it's like to have less money and that stays with you, if anything it will make you appreciate what you can get now even more. Good for you for making things better for yourself, enjoy the chance to spoil yourself a bit!

I think it will be about setting a balance. I had very little for a while as a single mum (paying nursery and mortgage and a debt from legal fees to protect myself from abusive ex) and then career progression meant my salary and finances improved rapidly . It took me ages to feel able to spend money on myself again.

I think the key is good budgeting so you know what you have. And ideally but even a tiny bit away in a "pocket money" account so you can treat yourself a little too

To put money aside I pay standing orders straight into a savings account the day after pay day.

I also started off paying a small amount as a mortgage overpayment and then each time I got a pay rise I increased my overpayment by a percentage of the payrise

Definitely overpay your mortgage best thing I ever did !!

You’ll find it goes much quicker than you think.

You’ll think “now I can treat myself, treat the kids, go nice places” and realise that’s most the money gone. When you’ve been living hand to mouth so long you’ll realise just how much stuff needs updating and upgrading. Computer, car, boiler, house decor, bras, shoes, clothes for yourself- there’s so much you do without upgrading when you’re skint, and as mums, we take the hit in self care so often.

Try to budget to save £200 a month, and enjoy the rest.

First of all, massive congratulations. I was skint for the majority of my life, but then managed a few years ago to get my first well paid job. I'm also a single mum, and not a day goes by where I don't feel the absolute relief of not having to worry about money anymore. I feel I really appreciated it still, I can buy myself or the kids a nice treat and it brings me so much joy. Being broke for years and years is shit and really grinds you down. Oh, and I've overpaid the mortgage too, it's so satisfying to see that debt go down.

@OrwellianTimes so true that everything needs replacing, right down to your knickers!

You will never forget what it's like to be broke. But, it is a great lesson to be taught. Things will only get better from know but you will always budget and be wary of the past.
Fly high darling xx

I went from very low income and high rent to higher income and lower mortgage, meaning I then had disposable income

I am still overly frugal and think I'm conditioned to be that way. I analyse every purchase obsessively and I put a large amount into savings in case I'm ever in a difficult financial situation again

I wish I could lighten up about it! Be sure to treat yourself but still save for a rainy day. Well done on increasing your income and enjoy the money that comes in now

I would imagine suddenly coming into a big lump sum like a lotto win or unexpected inheritance could have the effect you speak of, of people going a bit mad and forgetting themselves.

However, DW and I both grew up in families of fairly modest means. We weren't poor but for instance my brother, sister and I would have to take it in turns to have a 'big' present at christmas and we never had flash (or even new) cars or anything like that. If we went out for dinner as a family our parents would always be scanning the prices before ordering and stuff like that.

DW and I both had part time jobs through college and university etc.

However now we are in our 40's we are very very comfortable and make half a mil a year between us after tax so by most peoples' standards we are pretty rich. Because the change in our fortunes has been gradual, and has been earned through education and progression in our respective careers we haven't experienced any of the things you describe worrying about.

I remember once about 20 years ago DW changed jobs and had a £60k pa pay rise (which was absolutely huge for us then as we were nowhere near the salaries we are on today). The first thing she did was work out how much extra she could funnel into her pension and the tax implications, then started looking at the best investments for the rest. I think we celebrated with a bottle of champagne that was on special in tesco.

Don't worry yourself, it's money you've worked hard to earn so I don't think you'll go bananas with it.

A good tip is start with aggressively paying down any debts you might have like personal loans, store cards, credit card balances etc. Once those are paid down, you won't be accruing interest every month which will free up more money for you to keep.
Next work out the amount each month you'd like to save (make it realistic or you won't do it) , and take that amount out and put into savings as soon as you get paid, then you know the rest is yours to have fun with.

I agree with this. I used to be similar and went through lean times, and I think it's given me excellent budgeting skills. I think writing everything down in a budgeting journal is a good idea, and you could continue with that habit once you get your payrise so you have a record of sorts to compare to and can reign your spending in if you need to.

Aiming to save £200 a month is a great idea.

No, you never forget the value of money once you've been poor. It won't be something that leaves you, you will always be mindful about it. I think the slight danger is the other way round! That you will count pennies when you don't really have to any more, keep emergency food, and emergency change even though your circumstances are different now.

Well done on your new job! You will be fine and will manage any change of circumstance that comes your way. You've got this 😊 x

This happened to me, almost exactly.

It's so nice to be able to buy something you need, like suncream or sunglasses and not feel like youre breaking the bank.
Can take kids to the cinema and buy popcorn, get them an ice-cream from the ice-cream van.
Not get too stressed if a school shirt gets marker pen on - can buy another.
Fish and chips without feeling 'that's money for 4 meals spent in half an hour'.
Get a new kettle/washing machine if it breaks.

It just nice. Enjoy it, put a little away each month for a rainy day or for when the washing machine breaks.

No, you will never forget being properly skint. It makes its mark, and it never leaves you, and people who have never really struggled will never understand. I am now comfortably off and mortgage-free but I still can’t walk past the yellow sticker shelf without having a rummage for bargains. I recently gave myself a bollocking for almost buying one of the reduced fruit & veg boxes by the tills in Lidl. Someone else now needs that more than I do.

But you can, and should, keep a sensible balance between saving and enjoying life a bit. Try setting aside a pot of money each month for a ‘treat budget’, and make sure you spend it all. Even if it’s only £100, it will pay for a day out or a restaurant meal or a cinema trip or whatever.

And nice things definitely will still feel special, for you and your children. So long as you are always appreciative of the things you have, and don't take them for granted, you will always find wonder and excitement in your life.

And don't worry so much 💐 it sounds like you're entering a new more prosperous stage of your life which has been worked hard for, and well deserved!! Enjoy the fruits of your labour. You won't forget where you came from or your journey here I promise

I think it could go to different extremes:

1. you can't get out of the watching-every-penny mindset, so don't spend money to make life a little easier/nicer

1. you get overexcited by the extra money and overspend

But the fact you're asking the question suggests you'll be more aware and won't do either of those things!

Check out the Personal finance flowchart . Don't necessarily jump to doing things like overpaying mortgage - sometimes it may be financially better to save instead etc etc

Congrats on the pay rise!

I think this depends on personality type.

Like a few pps , I now have money in the bank, but I can't bring myself to pay over the odds for anything. I love a bargain. I struggle to treat myself "just because". But I think people with different personalities spend differently.

My advice would be to

1. make sure you are paying enough into your pension
2. Overpay your mortgage
3. On payday, set up a standing order into 'savings'

and you'll still have more money than you currently have, to enjoy yourself with.

Definitely set up a pension - SIPP if your work doesn't have one. I can explain more simply if you like (I did mine last week- and I'm late 40s.)

Best advice - set up a standing order on payday into a separate account.
Then, when you want to spend your 'extra' it takes a few minutes to switch to a different account.
Again, I can help you with this if needed.
Remember the golden rule - pensions :
It's still YOUR money, but LATER.

Thanks everyone, I'm reading all your replies!

Kindly, £700 pm sounds like a lot of money.....but it goes nowhere.
By the time you have accounted for tax, pension, mortgage overpayment, savings, what would you have left to go wild with?
Perhaps enough for the DC to take up an extra curricular each or a nice day out once a month?
You have done amazingly well to budget so far and I am sure you will continue to do so, my recommendation would be use the first couple of months increase to treat yourself and the kids before it all gets funnelled away into sensible things like mortgage overpayments!

There's a calculator on gov.uk where you can see what you'd be taxed etc. Congratulations on passing your training it must be a relief. Personally initially I'd focus on any debts that need paying off, be a lot initially to pay out but gives you more disposable in the long run. Then speak with the mortgage company and see how you would overpay. We used to just use an app with our provider where they had an overpayment option and used that each pay day i.e before everything went out. Then I'd probably set up some direct debits into various savings accounts. I have separate ones for my personal savings, all things kids related, house costs i.e decorating, emergency fund (i.e fridge breaking), loss of earnings (covers min 3 month of our salaries) and holidays/meals out. I amend the amounts as the year goes on and they deplete etc. At the end of the month what's left in the account gets split evenly across the savings accounts to top them up further.

Hopefully the silver lining in the cloud of struggling for so long will be that you won't suddenly start buying things that are stupidly expensive for what they are because you can.

Online salary calculators will help you work out your new take home after deductions.

The financial flow chart is a really good outline of what order to do things in (eg paying off expensive debt, setting a budget to account for annual and irregular costs and putting money aside for these).

A good tip I heard once was that every time your income goes up, split the money into thirds. A third towards paying off any debt. A third to save for the future (this is in addition to savings for things like Christmas and holidays, that you know will happen) and a third for now, which is the money that you can allow yourself to spend on non essentials like meals out or clothes/tech etc that's not strictly necessary. So you have some money to make your life nicer now, but you know that most of it is being used responsibly.

I think it's a lot easier that way round than the other.

I've been skint for most of my life, but now find myself very comfortable - but comfortable to me is just normal for lots of people - eg. I just go to the supermarket and buy what I want, I don't worry about the bill at the end (it's never that bad, since years of being skint means I have habits like generally buying the own brand stuff). If the kids need shoes or uniform I go and buy them and don't have to join the bundle at the second hand uniform shop. Or if I've had a long week at work, I go and get us a takeaway.

On the other hand, my friend is in reduced circumstances, and is finding it much harder as she's used to being able to just call in a cleaner, getting her highlights done every 6 weeks, lavish decorations for kids parties etc. and not having the money to do that is really getting her down, whereas for me, you don't miss what you never had!

You sound like a sensible person. Set yourself a budget, buy a couple of nice things as a reward, then settle into your new, slightly easier life :)

I still appreciate being able to buy things without worrying. It’s a lovely luxury. Enjoy your new circumstances.

I went from being a single mother having to watch every penny to not having to think about what I spend. Old habits die hard though, I still turn out lights where not needed and use soap instead of body wash as more economical.