I froze

[GPW865]

I’ve name changed because I am so mortified over this.

A week or so ago DD2 was toddling downstairs in front of me and she lost her footing. She tumbled down head over feet, landed at the bottom and started crying.

I don’t know what happened, it was like my legs gave way and the next thing I remember is DH consoling DD and me sitting on the stairs just looking at them.

DH says I must’ve been shocked. DD was not injured and he was with her within 5 seconds. I am so angry and disappointed in myself. We’re supposed to do everything to keep our children safe, my baby girl hurt herself and I completely froze.

Oh bless you.

I think it's a totally normal human shock reaction.

We all sometimes wish we'd reacted to things differently, but shock doesn't give you the option.

She's fine now, try and put it out of your head and don't blame yourself for something you couldn't control. If it helps, think of it as a sign of your love for her that your body was so terrified that it shut down.

It's wired into us, we all either fight - as your DH did, he was activated - or flight, i.e. run away, or freeze. You had no control over it. It takes years and years of therapy to uncover how we are triggered to one or the other, which then gives us a small amount of choice or control which we can then build on.
You did nothing wrong. It's no different to yelping if you're hurt, it's involuntary.
Please be at peace OP.

I doubt very much that there's an adult who has had full time care of a little one, who couldn't tell a similar story

I was looking after my DN one weekend, we had just come in from the garden and I thought I had shut the back door. She went back to the door to watch her DGF who was still in the garden and the door swung open and she fell down the step onto the path

She cried straight away and was fine but I was paranoid about that door until I moved some years later

Please don't be so hard on yourself, these things happen and "all's well that ends well"

This happened to me when my daughter was tiny years ago. I saw she was about to topple over the side of her cot and I froze when if I'd moved I probably could have stopped it. I remember it because it was the first time it ever happened to me and my daughter fell head first!

Mine was getting onto the tube with my kids 4 and 6. I had their hands, and 4 did a step, missed, and stepped into mid air. He did not mind the gap. I just didn't react in time, and just sort of stepped forward with his hand still in mine and him dangling in mid air. Luckily I "came to" and just dragged him in the rest of the way. I was on my own on a very empty platform.

It wasn't great... It only lasted a couple of seconds but it's a horrible feeling, like a walking nightmare.

I sat on the couch and watched my toddler swan dive off the top of open wooden stairs. He rolled mid-air and landed on his side, no harm done.

Still, the only part of my body that moved was my eyelids. We just looked wide-eyed at each other until I broke the silence with something stupid like "how was that Peppa Pig episode earlier?"

For context, I've been in a car crash where the entire vehicle rolled off an embankment and two people needed life-saving assistance. I made that work, but do you think I could move my arse to catch my own child?

You really can't predict what you will do in a moment of panic.

You're a good mum, you don't have any control over those kind of reactions.

You are not at all in control of your response. Flight or flight or freeze, they just happen.

Also, you are not a freeze type, reactions can differ every time.

I have been in situations where I was the hero and also others where I was the coward.
Had no conscience decision making in either reaction.

Try not to carry this forward, makes no difference to your mom credentials.
Honestly, this stuff happens to everyone.

Don't worry. If your DH hadn't been there so fast, you would have unfrozen very quickly.

You don't need to feel embarrassed, people have a fight, flight or freeze reaction built in. I'm a freeze person too, it's a hard one to have.

Ahh my 2yo fell down the stairs the other day, rolled and bumped and the shock made me go "OH MY GOD" and I think he was crying more because I shouted not because he fell down the stairs 🤣 and he was behind me - I caught him 3rd step up so I guess that's better than nothing 🤣

I would never walk down the stairs behind my child. Always in front so I could catch them if they fell or not squash them if I tripped.

I don't want to comment on why you froze but it is done now so try to let it go.

I went to a cafe with a new mum friend, had my daughter on my lap. The waiter put my coffee down right in front of me and my daughter's hand shot out and grabbed the side of the cup and pulled it over both of us while I just froze. Fortunately there was no blistering or lasting damage to her skin but I still feel absolutely awful about it, like I can't quite trust myself to keep her safe. It's over a year ago and I never contacted the other mum again because I still feel so ashamed of myself over it.

Yes, happened to me when ds was 6 months old. I was getting dressed, put him on the middle of the bed. Within moments he had rolled to the edge without me noticing. He then rolled off the bed and bumped his head on the side of our wooden bed frame. I stood and watched him roll off. I just couldn’t move.

I was so upset and panicked that I rushed him to A&E. I was so disturbed by my response. DS was of course fine and nothing like it happened again.

DS is now busy living his best life as he has just finished his GCSEs. But the fact that I remember every little detail of that event tells you how shocked I was. So @GPW865 please look after yourself over the next few days. You did nothing wrong and all is well.

Thank you for the kind comments. I think my biggest worry is that I’m a “freeze person” and am going to be entirely useless anytime anything bad happens.

In my job I have plenty of times where vulnerable people have been injured and I've had to act quickly and calmly- with my children there have been a couple of instances where things have happened and I've intervened. Last year there was an awful scream from upstairs- me and DH both ran, when I saw my son across the landing, fingers trapped in a door- I froze, DH had to push past me to get to him, I unfroze a moment later, but it was the oddest thing- so please don't beat yourself up- it didn't mean that you won't react fast next time either

You won't. Try not to worry about what might not happen.

I had this once, my child was fitting and I froze, still makes me sad. However I witnessed another relative having a heart attack and I was 'on it' while the others froze.

It’s completely understandable that you are feeling like this. I can’t promise you that it won’t ever happen again but I can tell you that I felt the same when it happened to me. And it did only happen once in 16 years.