To disagree that happiness is a choice

[youreeyeswithoutaface]

Depression, anxiety and other mental conditions might not exist if that were the case. My friend the other day stated that she believes happiness is merely a choice, but I don't agree.
I have suffered with my mental health for as long as I can remember, mainly because of men unfortunately.
I OD'd 7 years ago when I was 26, thankfully I didn't take enough for it to be fatal.
I've had recurrent thoughts of suicide for the past 6 months and have also suffered with OCD intrusive thoughts.

I can have 'ok' days, but I have no idea what being blissfully happy feels like. It's not realistic to feel like that all the time, but I honestly have forgotten what it feels like.
I've referred myself for therapy and I take anti depressants. I just did not agree with what my friend said.
I kind of see it in a way as you can choose to be grateful for and accept what you have, maybe that's what she was getting at. But I can't just switch off my dark thoughts.

Viktor Frankl's Man's search for meaning is a book that may help explain where your friend is coming from

Maybe people are wired differently but I've always felt my circumstances massively affect how happy I am. The idea of choosing to be happy makes no sense to me.

OP, I have been where you are A LOT. I don't think happiness is a choice but I do believe that seeking and engaging in things that can make you feel better is a choice. When you have the black dog on top of you eating away it's hard to contemplate but therapy, exercise and practicing meditation and gratitude have gone some way to help me. I am by no means cured and I'm not saying this works for everyone but I feel that seeking ways to feel better is a choice but can only be made when you feel able to do so.

How was your childhood?
My ex and I were complete opposites in terms of mindset. I am an optimist, very easy going, genuinely happy. He was very negative, anxious, depressed.
My mum filled me with confidence as a child, she modelled assertiveness, putting yourself out of your comfort zone, showing others compassion and giving them the benefit of the doubt. Constantly told me the world was a beautiful place and that good people existed. My ex's mum was very anxious and wouldn't go out. She hated people, and still is distrusting of others. Told her kids that the world is an unsafe place full of people waiting to con you.
So in that way it's not a choice. It's how you have been raised to see the world. There are biological elements too, like dopamine receptors. Trauma, attachment... many things out of our control

I don't think happiness is a choice, but choosing how to manage things when you're suffering with mental health is. The same way that addiction is an illness but choosing not to seek help for it is a choice.

I don’t have depression, anxiety or anything like that. When I’m feeling down I can choose to do something that brings me up. i don’t find it hard to tbh. I read and learn and I’m able to apply it in daily life. This doesn’t make me as better person.

my sister suffers anxiety. she’s just as intelligent and motivated as me, probably more so. But she’s just wired differently. She can’t choose to switch her anxiety off. No matter how much cbt she might do, no matter how much she might mask, it’s there. She can’t choose to not be anxious any more than she can choose to have blue eyes rather than hazel, or to be 5ft8 rather 5ft 4. What she can choose is to do something about it. So she chooses to take the meds, she chooses to see a counsellor, she chooses to do the work. And even that is a luxury - plenty of people can’t even choose that.

your friend is talking privileged bollocks.

Happiness is a choice is an opinion you might have if you'd pulled yourself up out of depression and sadness but that doesn't mean everyone can do it.

There are many circumstances outside our control and it's important to learn to cope and thrive with our situation as much as possible.

So some parts of happiness are a choice. But a lot of it is out of our control.

I have battled depression and anxiety for more than 45 years, and while I don't always feel "happy, happy, joy, joy" all the time, I am deeply content, satisfied, and at peace with who I am, where I've been and what I've achieved. I think it comes from my devout faith, and yes, it is a choice to rise above difficult circumstances and seek the good in all things.

The trouble is when you are suicidal you DON’T usually have the mental strength or energy to make the choice to be happy. If you are having a bad day, sure pull yourself together. If you are depressed then the whole point is that it’s not a choice! If it was that easy then a whole lot less people would be depressed. I remember taking whole days to be able to make the choice to get out of bed to get some water. There wasn’t much space for something as complex as working out the thought of how to be happy!