Daughter and do it yourself ear piercing kit

[stoppedmakingsense]

Admittedly I am perhaps overreacting. But DD14 has ordered a DIY earpiercing kit from Amazon (I saw the notification, she didn't tell me). And I'm freaked out.

Said kit will be intercepted and put in the bin. I can't talk to her just yet as she's at an event with her dad. She's had her ears pierced twice, at tattoo studio, with my consent, presence and money (!!) So I don't know why she's bought this awful kit, whether she was planning to do her own ears again or a friend's or what.

I'm worried that I've been too easy on her, or too chill about her buying stuff online (e.g. clothes from Vinted) and I'm also worried that I might lose my cool with her when I see her.

Obviously I need to ask her what she thought she was doing (and listen to her answers). I don't think I'm being unreasonable to be filled with horror at the thought of her trying to use this kit - am I? - but I also don't want to shut her down about this or anything else she's up to.

Guess I'm not sure how to handle it, and also worried I've been giving her too much freedom with things like the double ear piercing. She's usually really open (to the point of bluntness) with me and I don't want to come across too heavy handed, buy I also really want her to know that blasting a cheap and nasty earring into her own ear is a terrible idea.

Aaaaaaaagh.

When I was a kid my friend bought one of those from Claire's and used it to pierce her nipple in a garage
there's worse things I'd just talk to her about how these sit piercing things aren't safe and that if she wants a piercing to her it done properly (and with your permission)

presumably she would be breaking school rules with another piercing?

When I was that age I pierced my own ear by pushing a piercing stud through it. I then became the go -to ear piercer at my school. A DIY kit would have been a step up on that! It's really no big deal!

@Odearr ouch! I'm kinda worried about the nipple in garage (or bellybutton is my fear!) type situation ... and yes there are worse things, but it seems pretty stupid when she knows how quick, painless and easy it is at her local supercool tattoo shop.

@keeptryinggirl I don't think so ... not sure there are any school rules about it 🤔

@Passthegin99 good skills! it seems like a big deal to me i guess, partly because there's a better option. Thinking about it I am worried she might've bought it to try on her belly button. Daft, and yes teenagers are daft but I still really don't want her to do it (mostly cus I just think she'll hurt herself).

I mean it's not ideal but I wouldn't be freaked out by it. It's normal teenage behaviour.

Just tell her that if she wants another ear piercing, she has to pay to have it done professionally. Job done.

@nupnup exactly that; the weird thing is she knows that. And I know it's normal, and small fry in comparison to what she could be (and perhaps is) doing. Feel like it's rattled me so much because I thought I was doing okay with her, and now I'm like, shit, I'm being a fool or a bad parent or, most probably, both.

I remember my friend (we were 7) pushing a needle we found on the stable floor through my sister's ear. She was 15. Good thing she didn't get tetanus, lol.

@mbosnz again, ouch. Yep, kids do this stuff. A needle off the floor is at least a needle, though!

Why on earth would this make you a bad parent?

She's a teenager, they're meant to rebel and do stupid things. At least it's not a tattoo gun

Teenagers do stupid things. In the grand scheme of things, it’s not terrible. I’d have a chat with her about it.

Gosh, why are you panicking? This is really no reason to ‘lose your cool’ with her. Yes they’re stupid kits, but if she’s openly gotten piercings with your permission before is it not just likely that she wanted a kit at home to do more ear piercings etc. as she thought it would be cheaper and probably cool to say she did it herself. She’s not to know how dangerous they can be - just explain it to her and get a refund off Amazon, no dramatics!

@loropianalover no dramatics, that is the very clear message. And it's why I posted, needed to talk myself down from being freaked out. Still, if it was all entirely innocent she would've (I think) mentioned it to me. It's not a bad decision I want her to make, regardless of whether or not there are much worse decisions.

Perspectives, as always, are helpful.

Don't chuck it in the bin, return it, for a start. Otherwise it's a waste of money

Just have a word with her about how dangerous it can be and let her know you'll continue to support her going to the tattoo shop (which really is the best place to get pierced) if she wants any further doing. Even if it's that they will be birthday/Christmas presents or she pays herself

Maybe a friend asked her to get it for her, gave her the cash. I got the morning after pill for a friend once back when it was only available from the docs because I wasn't scared of my parents (they were lovely and I could talk to them, like you sound) but she was scared of hers.

Maybe she just fancied experimenting. Either way, no need to go mad you'll only make her hide things in future, and return it don't bin it! Very easy on Amazon.

When I was 14 (now 59), my friend and I pierced each others ears (second piercing) with a needle using ice cubes wrapped in a flannel to numb the area.

No biggie.

@BellaVita I appreciate that! And would honestly prefer the time-honoured needle and ice cube method!! It's the thought of the nasty kit (which I knew nothing of) that gives me the fear. Nothing against the piercing, or even the DIY, just please not something that makes Claire's look like a "what could possibly go wrong?" strategy.

As @YesThatsATurdOnTheRug says, it could be she's bought it for a friend... even then I'd say, be sensible, girls... here's a needle and an ice cube 🙈 or let's just go see those nice women at the tattoo shop.

DD got her third ear piercings from her mate in the sports bathroom at school. They're a bit wonky but she loves the story! Her friend then became the go to school piercer for a while until she flew too close to the sun and tried tragus, cartilage and bellybutton piercings. Many courses of antibiotics later a few of DDs friends still have faint scars.

I paid for DD to get her upper ear and bellybutton done properly after that. I can't get fussed over piercings and doing it safely and hygienically seemed better than the alternative!

(There's a whole other threads worth about the stick and poke Amazon tattoo kit....!)

I mean, to be fair, when I was 14 I pierced my (male) friend’s ear with a safety pin and an old stud we’d ‘sterilised‘ with a lighter. I distinctly remember putting a Jaqueline Wilson book (it was purple, pretty sure it was Dare Game?) behind his ear as some kind of backstop.

DIY piercing kit has to be better than that 😂

Oh god if piercing is a criterion then I am a dreadful parent. The solution to such a possibility is to drink gin heavily.

@Ethylred @nupnup
DD has 7 in her ears, nose, belly button and I've enquired no further.

She is expected all A or A* at A level, got 5 Russel Group uni offers, plays sport for the school and county, has lovely friends and a lovely boyfriend.

Piercings don't define them- or your parenting!

@lifeuniverseeverything you're absolutely right. I'm not in any way troubled by the piercings, I think they suit her and happily tell her so. Just want her to get them done in a safe, clean, professional space, that's all.

Your daughter sounds very cool!!

Don't you have to be over 18 to order from Amazon?

@2dogsandabudgie I have no idea. But she did order it and it has been delivered. I'll ask her. But can't imagine for a minute Amazon care too much ....