To think that someone who owes me £100 should not ask to borrow £500

[milliec]

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I dont think YABU, and I think its a lot of money to lend. How has he got inot this much trouble with money? Has he heard of a bank?

Of course you ANBU! You are not a bank.

No. You're not being unreasonable. You gave once, he's back again, if you give again, he'll continue using you this way.

£500 is a lot of money to give away. sounds like he needs more help than a "loan" of that amount will give. Is he getting any help from someone like CAB? (sorry I'm no expert in these matters but suspect he needs to get some proper guidance). Maybe you could insist on helping him with that rather than giving away the money you presumably need yourself.

YANBU! i leant my friends daughter £100 before xmas on the understanding that i got it back first payday in jan. finally got it last week after threatening her with her mum. she's 21 and working so it's not like she couldn't pay me back. she just kept on putting me to the back of the line.

What did yuo say to him Millie?

YANBU. You're not his mum and you have already given him £100. Just say you're sorry but you don't have it to spare.

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well, people will ask for help even when it seems ridiculous and outrageous, if they're desperate enough. If you can't lend it to him, don't. If you're upset about the £100, tell him. No need to be angry with him for asking IMO - I bet he hated asking more than you hated being asked.

Greensleeves is right, they must be desperate, but that still doesn't mean you should lend them the money if you can't afford it. You're going the extra mile by contacting the council for them and giving advice, but if you haven't got it to spare, you haven't got it to spare.

A loan is only a loan if the person has the means to pay it back at some point in the future. It would appear that your friend doesn't at present have the means to pay back the loan even if he would like to. In that case what he is really asking is for you to give him £500, unless of course there is a realistic chance that his circumstances will change at some point. If you can't afford to do this then don't. I think you have done the best thing in giving him the help that you have.

yanbu

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You gave him £100 to help him over a crisis - that was good of you. You maybe hoped that once the crisis was over he would get proper help and advice, but that doesn't seem to have happened. Now there's another crisis and he needs money again - if you gave it to him (which you're not in a position to do) it's reasonable to assume that he still won't deal with the underlying problem. I think you are right in helping him to get the advice and help he needs from CAB, council etc, and that you are doing him more good in that way than by taking on responsibility for him and his family. So, YANBU in not giving him money. But maybe it's not unreasonable of him to ask if he thinks you are in a position where you could give him money without hope of repayment - after all, you did it before!

My bitter experience is not to mix money and friendship. Whenever I have given or lent money to friends it has introduced a very stressful elephant in the room. Nobody ever refers to it but it is there in the back of both your minds. It is so easy to start feeling resentful of friends because you feel they are taking advantage. Then you realise that maybe you were not always clear with them about the conditions of the loan because you were trying to be too friendly. Then you blame yourself etc etc etc. It is a nightmare.