To feel like I've ruined my life

[Arruinados]

Had my DC last year. Much wanted and after a couple of traumatic losses. First six months were good.

It's been a shit show since returning to work though. Desperately trying to fit it all in, juggling everything, batch cook etc. Then this week at work I find out they're trying to get rid of me or make me change role due to inconsistent performance. I'm consulting a lawyer but shit scared ill lose my job.

We don't go out anymore. Not much social life or family support nearby. We have a lovely dog but feel like we've not walked her as much as we should recently so I feel bad about that too.

I'm just starting to feel like I've ruined my life. On the surface I have it all but I can't enjoy much at the moment. It's survival. I've spent the week sick with anxiety about job.

Dh is supportive, even offered to get a second job so I can step away from my role if its stressing me, which just made me sob tbh

Ah that sounds tough for you. I’ve just returned to work this week from mat leave and found it tough - already very anxious and wanting to quit/scared I will be sacked. The juggle is real.

You don’t say what the specifics of your job are - so it’s hard to know really - have you taken time off for childcare? How do you feel your performance is?

Ultimately it’s just a job. But I guess the question is what would you do if you quit, do you have a long term plan? Can you survive financially with husband supporting you? Everyones different but these are the things I would be thinking about.

Do you currently have a bit of spare cash? Cleaner, dog walker, babysitter, anything to take a bit of pressure off which might help your sanity and also the job performance if it’s a stress/tiredness issue? Good that you’re consulting a lawyer, as it is quite risky for the company to make someone redundant who has a very small baby. Knowing you’re lawyered up might mean they’ll instead go for performance management first and you can show it’s just been a blip. Or at least eke out time to allow you to find another job whilst still employed and move on

good luck OP, it sounds tough and stressful

Right. So we just need to reframe.

You have a lovely baby that was much wanted

you have a lovely husband who is super kind and considers you

you have a job; but you could get a new one.

it takes time to get back into the swing of it when you return from Mat leave. If your employer is not supportive then they are not your tribe and it’s time to move on. It doesn’t define you.

try and get some sleep, relax and have a think. What matters to me? What do I cherish? What’s important? What could I change?

the answers will come x

The last post is spot on. It will also get easier overtime. Although each stage of a child has its difficulties, the baby stage is the most draining. That doesn’t help you now I realise but it may give you hope.

Thank you for taking time to reply. Any kind of supportive words are helpful right now - I know there is life outside this workplace I think my confidence is quite low at the moment so not feeling like putting myself out there in job market

Look. Try not to worry. Talk to the Union You don't need extra stress
If your employer refuses your flexible working request - Citizens Advice

Perfect advice

Pregnancy and matern

ity discrimination - Citizens Advice

Companies are disgusting to new mums and in my experience mostly get rid when people are weak, hormonal, lacking in sleep etc.
😬
Aw so sorry you are going through this.💕

Can you ask for refresher training and be assertive to get yourself back on track if you like the job. If got let partner take kid while you look for a new job in a company that values parents.

😊😘🤗📕💪

I'm probably going to move teams and hope I can get things back on track but this whole thing has made me see the company for what they really are and it's not a nice place

Yes sounds like an awful place to work OP - who treats someone like that after a return from mat leave !! It's hard enough to adjust back to work with a first child as it is.

Move teams if you can good idea, can you drop some hours or go PT? And as others have said can you outsource home bits where you can so you can work out how to have some nice time together as a family etc

These are the hard years the juggle is insane but it will work out

Tbh OP, just from a PT perspective, this is just classic burnout stuff, you won't be able to improve this without taking some stress off yourself Too many stress hormones, not enough rest, etc. There's no amount of 'resilience' etc that changes that. Sometimes we just need a rest, space, and less on our plate.

Your DH sounds amazing, I'd take him up on his offer to be honest, it won't be forever. It's shit that your workplace don't offer flexibility at this time of your life, and instead put you on notice that you'll get fired for not delivering 100% of what you did before, when you have a newborn to take care of.

These years are so hard. The constant nursery illnesses, the lack of any sort of downtime, the rushing back from work for pick up and then trying to cook dinner one handed while holding a really grouchy toddler with the other arm. Honestly it DOES get better. Your employers are being shit, if you've worked there a while and previously had good performance. Good employers recognise that life events can have a temporary impact on work, and work with employees to get round it. When your child gets older they will be able to entertain themselves, you'll all be able to do fun things and go fun places. You'll be able to do hobbies and socialise again etc. I do remember regretting my second baby for a bit, they didn't sleep, eating was tricky, they didn't want to sit still for long and life was exhausting. They are 5 now and we're off for a nice country walk and pub visit with friends. When they were 3 I changed jobs and re focused on my career as i had the mental and physical head space to do so and it's made a big difference to our lives