To wonder how you found a way to compromise if you a wanted a different of children?

[PitterPatter3]

If you and your OH had different ideas about how many children you wanted, how did you manage it?

It's going to be my choice if we ever actually manage to have any - it's not him spending 10 months growing anything 😂

I would say that the decision to have each baby must be agreed by both people, otherwise no more babies.

I don’t think there is a possible compromise in this situation. The one who wants fewer gets their way. I’d have liked another, but I got over it.

The person who wants fewer of them wins, basically. I wouldn't have stayed if DP didn't want any though.

Whoever said no at the time won. There's no other way.

We both said no to a 2nd at different stages and it was only when we were both in a yes place that we went ahead.

We stopped at the smaller number. I never seriously considered there being another option.

I feel sad about it sometimes still (my youngest is 4), but I've come to terms with it for the most part. I didn't feel as strongly about having a third one as I did about having a child at all, though, or I'm not sure I could have reconciled myself.

There is no compromise...whoever doesnt want the baby should make the final decision. Having a child is a huge thing that both parents should be in agreement with and if one isnt, then it shouldn't happen.

I wanted a ‘football team’ initially, but age, fatigue, finances and car space made the decision pretty obvious eventually.

It’s a bit like a game of 21. Have the first one and then see if you both want to ‘stick’ or ‘twist’.

Another vote here for those who don’t want more get the upper hand. I wanted more, but DH didn’t, we haven’t, so here we are. I would never expect him to push me had it been the other way around.

I agree with this. Also I rationalised it that my body is programmed to want more babies, so however many we had I'd probably have to deal with a bit of yearning after the final one.

I feel like the one who doesn't want another whether that be male or female often goes along with another child for the sake of their marriage. I probably did.

I wanted twice as many as DH, but he was adamant he was done and booked a vasectomy without discussion. I was upset at the time, but 7 years on I'm actually really glad. I think our lives are better and we're able to give the children we have a lot more than if we'd carried on having babies. You really can't bring a baby into the world when one of you doesn't really want it.

You can’t have a child one of you doesn’t really want, so that person wins. The other person then decides if they can reconcile that outcome, or go, there isn’t really a compromise you either both want a child or you don’t.

Agree with others about stopping when one of you doesn't want any more.

There can’t be compromise on this.

I would have liked more but DH didn’t, so we stopped at 2. I don’t have major regrets.

Good friend of mine did the same, but her DH left her for much younger OW and has had three more DC. She’s broken by it tbh.

Another friend decided to split up with her DH when he had a vasectomy against her will after she had one child. She’s gone on to have two more with new DP.

Exactly this.

I do think it depends a little on what the agreement is though - obviously in practice if someone doesn’t want another, you shouldn’t make them and they win.

but it’s pretty shitty if they tell you they want another after you’ve had one, then they change their mind. I do understand why people feel strongly/resentful over that. Of course you can change your mind and it’s a big deal but it’s hard to reconcile the disappointment and emotion/feeling like your spouse is responsible for that (not my personal experience but a family member)