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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

What Can I Do To Help?!

5 replies

PlagiarismInHand · 21/06/2024 09:34

Nc for this, though I have posted about previous situations before. I'm mainly posting for traffic as I'm desperate for some sort of advice/help with this.

For a bit of context, My grandparents are vulnerable, especially my DGM. She was recently admitted to hospital with pneumonia and as of yesterday was told by a doctor she's back OK the pathway for another admission. My uncle is a heavy drug user (crack, possibly heroin and generally anything he can get his hands on), Hes smashed DGP house up stolen money and my grandads possessions, the last incident a few weeks ago he threatened to set them on fire whilst attempting to kick the door in.

For a while my gran has been (in my view) unintentionally enabling him, she shouts at him at times the stress of a situation has resulted in her becoming violent, she refuses help but eventually gives in, she calls the police when some of these events happen, mainly after alot of persuasion from myself and my DGD but refuses to do anything ither than log it in the system even though my grandad states his wishes are the opposite. She let's him in the home when my DGD is in bed, etc and she continues to hand him money, otherwise he just steals it anyways.

This morning DGD has informed me of another event last night, stating uncle again threatened to set their house on fire while they sleep then would do the same to mine, refused to leave and was very aggressive wanting money. My DGM gave in and gave uncle £50 to get him out of the house, he refused to leave until they attempted to call the police. The call didn't actually go as far as being connected but he thankfully left.

I'm really tired of this now and I'm torn. I feel i need to help them otherwise one of them (likely my DGD) will end up dead but I don't know how. I'm 33 weeks pregnant aswell and am going to be a single parent, so my GP are literally my only support for this anyways but it's also becoming clear that they are a risk, by no fault of their own. So it's either we do something now and hope my gran sticks to it so they can see my baby or I cut contact completely and go completely alone.

What can I do? Is there even anything if my grans unlikely to cooperate? Would a adult social care referral for them do anything?

OP posts:
Leavingasinkingship · 21/06/2024 09:39

You can make a safeguarding referral to adult social care. Whether or not they'll take action depends on a few things - eg they may be able to override consent if it's serious enough, not always. Definitely worth referring though - Google your local council and adult safeguarding/adult social care

Catza · 21/06/2024 09:46

I agree, start with a referral to SS. It is likely that they will call and your GPs refuse help in which case SS will close the referral but it is worth a try anyway. Since your grandfather is pro police involvement, it may be worth making SS report on his behalf with his contact details as he is more likely to agree to support.
The uncle threatened to set your house of fire as well, you can report him to the police yourself for this particular incident.

DillyTin · 21/06/2024 10:05

For the safety of your baby, cut contact.

PlagiarismInHand · 21/06/2024 10:48

@DillyTin that has been a very big consideration of mine and I have reduced physical contact in their home as much as I can. I leave as soon as I can when he turns up but I guess the part of my conscience is telling me that I need to be around for my grandad in particular. They are my only reliable, stable support and I'm theirs.

I have around 6-7 weeks to hopefully force my grans hand to do something and make her see what position its putting us all in, otherwise I am prepared for the full no contact with her for my baby's safety. Though I am going to look into the SS referral this weekend in depth and make some calls on Monday.

It's just difficult because she's supposed to be my birth partner and my immediate support after birth but it's looking highly unlikely this will be able to happen and I just feel like I'm punishing her for her warped thinking of being loyal to her apparently vulnerable son.

OP posts:
PlagiarismInHand · 21/06/2024 14:01

Just a brief update, I've spoken to one of my support workers who are going to make the referral for me today. However they said they will also have to make a disclosure to social services, so I've had to inform my DGP to which my gran has stated she is disappointed in me for doing this. I don't know what this disclosure will mean for me.

I feel like I've made a terrible mistake reaching out :(

OP posts:
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