Dating advice - Should I ask him out?

[AimieDaisy]

I'll try and keep this short but will really appreciate advice. Sorry if this is sometimes difficult to understand, English is not my first language.

Me - 39, F, moved to UK in Feb, have not dated in 15 years!!! This is because I have been living in rural Russia nursing my grandparents who unfortunately passed away just before Christmas. No kids. I am quiet with RBF that I am trying to work on improving. Not a stealth post as I don't feel I am anything other than average, but I am told by lots of different people that I am attractive and my looks can be intimidating.

Working in my office building is a man, 44, single, no kids (did my research lol - his housemate works with me). Extrovert. Not great looking objectively but I fancy him and feel some sort of vibe between us.

However, a) I am not great at reading people so said vibe may be all in my head, and b) I have not dated in a decade and a half, so I am feeling inadequate and out of my depth. I also feel like I am in high school.

Some of the things he does that makes me think he may like me include things like, I sense him looking at me, but when I look at him and notice he looks away. We did make prolonged eye contact a couple of times that seemed to last forever. Whenever we speak to one another we are both embarrassingly awkward. My voice goes high pitched and I am sure I say absolutely nothing of value, and he seems to ramble on incoherent things. He is such an extrovert with anyone else so I don't know if it is because we have this vibe that is making him awkward, or if it is just me, because I am naturally weird and that just makes people feel awkward? I don't know, I only saw my grandparents most of the time for many years.

Then I have other experiences with him that makes me feel that he might be slightly repulsed by me. I saw him one Saturday in the street and he saw me, his face changed and he quickly changed direction so we wouldn't cross paths 😩

I just don't want to ask him out or give him my number to be rejected, I couldn't face that. But some of the ladies I work with think he will never ask me out because he would likely feel I am "out of his league".

What should I do? Thank you.

If you don’t want to ask him out then just keep talking to him and see what happens? You are both single so nothing to lose.

Yeah, maybe just get into a light friendly conversation at work and see how he is before jumping straight to thoughts of actual dating. It could be that he finds you attractive and feels shy. However if he is genuinely possibly dating material, it should be possible for him to have a normal conversation with you! It might be that he is shy because you are very good looking. In any case as the other poster, said, just try to get to know him a bit more in a subtle way..

I’m so shy but I am going to try and strike up a conversation. Knowing me I’ll say something so random.
Thank you for the answers wish me luck

I just don't want to ask him out or give him my number to be rejected, I couldn't face that.

Bluntly if this is how you are going to react to a no, then don’t try anything. You have to work in the same building as this man, don’t ask him out if you are not prepared to take a ‘no’ gracefully and still maintain normal hellos and social graces with him.

I’m not saying he doesn’t fancy you. I’d just be wary you’re building this whole narrative up in your head and your reaction to rejection could be disproportionate.

You need plausible deniability. So don't ask him on a "date". Make it something that could be completely platonic, that way it's less stressful for you and potentially less embarrassing if he turns out to be married/gay/only attracted to ugly women.
E. G. A group of us are going to "thing" would you like to come along.
Or (even better) I really need help with (thing he knows about). If you have the time I'd be so grateful if you could come and help me (Choose new floor tiles, bring dead plant back to life, find surfboard for nephew whatever). Because I assume you are Russian this is actually easier for you because there are more things you could plausibly not know about. If he does fancy you, it's nice for him that he can help you with something (I know this is sexist but men like this) plus you get to see if he is a nice helpful person. If he doesn't fancy you then at worst you look slightly cheeky but it's not a big deal.

And I don't like gameplaying in relationships, but proceeding in a way that won't cause embarrassment if it doesn't work out makes sense if you are shy.

Obviously don't make it weird "can I borrow a shovel I need to bury a dead body" kind of thing. But if he likes gardening, ask for advice on something gardening related. If he responds in a helpful/enthusiastic manner suggest he pops round to take a look/ask if the next time he goes to the garden centre you can come. That sort of thing.

Can you add him on social media if he uses it? It's often a way to increase interaction outside of work.