To Expect Your Partner to Call Out Racism?

[postingfortrafficabout]

Hey everyone, NC as don't want this linked.

I'm curious about something and would love to hear your thoughts, especially from those in interracial relationships. When it comes to encountering racism, do you expect your partner to call it out when they see it?

Whether it's a subtle comment from a friend or family member, or something more blatant, do you feel it's important for them to address it?

And if your partner doesn't call it out because they want to avoid conflict, how does that make you feel?

I'm trying to understand the different dynamics and expectations people have in these situations.

Yes I would expect them to be actively anti-racist. Only by us collectively being anti-racist will we move away from micro aggressions.

Are you talking about interracial relationships between a white person and a minority?

@marzipanbattenburg yes

I wouldn't expect my partner to fight all my battles. I would only expect them to step in if someone was extremely rude or abusive.

Yes. I expect my husband to call it out BUT I would call it out myself anyway.

However I wouldn’t have got involved with someone who had racist family as I’m not interested in constant fights and friction.

Absolutely ffs!

But I cut racist people out of my life.

I have a biracial son so don't want no aggro in my or his life.

I’m disabled and I don’t expect my DW to always call out ableism when she hears it- I figure she is able to judge when it’s a good idea and when it’s better to walk away.

Absolutely yes!

And I'd hope they recognise it too whether it's blatant or micro aggressive. Whether it directly affects us or another, we all have to say no that it won't be tolerated.

I have cut people from my life for this, for thinking it's not that bad, that it's not that harmful, of they didn't me you, they meant the other ones... What other ones?

No I wouldn’t, it generally isn’t a safe thing to do and I wouldn’t want him to put himself at risk of harm.

Yes. He didn't.
This (amongst other things) lead to a loss of love and respect and I left him (divorce).
If you aren't part of the change you are still the problem IMHO

Yes, even if it gets them into trouble. My DH made a comment to a guy (who was white) but with full dreadlocks the other day for his cultural appropriation and boy oh boy did the fella kick off but I was so proud I’d picked a goodun

Genuinely asking, not being goady but trying to understand - how did dh make the comment and what was the guys response? Was your dh just straight up accusing him of racism or trying to educate him?

Do you or your DH have dreadlocks? Seems an odd thing to start an argument with someone if they haven't been racist to you.

To the OP, I'm mixed race (not black) and I expect my DP to call out people who are racist to me. He's good at doing this.

I would imagine this depends massively on the dynamics within the partnership and the situation. But overall, I would expect people to call it out.

But let's be honest here - most of us (if we're white - I can't speak for anyone who isn't) have, at some point, seen/heard racism in some form and chosen not to call it out in the moment to reduce the chance of friction or tension. I wish that wasn't true but I think it is. I've certainly chosen to limit any contact with certain people on the school run for example because I've overheard the subtle racism but while I haven't wanted to create a scene, I don't want anything to do with them. I'm not exactly proud of that so I imagine if I had a partner or child who was directly affected perhaps I'd be less wussy?

Cultural appropriation has something too with demeaning a culture. I, personally, hate dreads on white people, just looks odd to me but the guy in question probably just liked the look and thought it joined him to Bob Marley at the hip!

My DH is Indian and I'm white. Fortunately none of our family members or friends have ever said anything racist about him/us, to my knowledge. If anyone said anything racist about him I would absolutely call it out. I'd be outraged! There was one occasion when a work colleague of mine expressed disapproval when she found out I'd married an Indian. I made my feelings known.

So if someone's partner is only experiencing moderate racism or abuse it's not their problem? Only the person suffering it? It's not much of a partnership.

Can you explain to me why the man with dreadlocks was racist?

I have experienced racism and I'm British white! We have several races, and subsequently, mixed races, in our extended family.
We were all so shocked that none of us called it out. It did serve to teach us all a lesson that no matter your colour, or nationality, racism can affect you. Admittedly, it's only been the once for me but once was enough!

I would have been embarrassed. Who on earth is your husband to go around having a pop at people about their hair.

Op my dp didn't actually understand a lot of the issues initially, but has been great at learning and would absolutely step up if someone was being racist.

I wouldn't expect him to put himself in danger though, even I listened to an angry man ranting about race issues when I was out dogwalking once, and I didn't say a word because it could have been a dangerous situation.

Not if it put them at risk (and as a pp said, they can judge that).

genuinly surprised at the poster who would expect a partner to do it even if it were risky. Doesn’t sound very caring tbh

I called the police on my ex (DS dad) a while back, as he racially abused DH. I would absolutely and have called out racist behaviour. Not acceptable in my eyes.

You and your DH don't understand what cultural appropriation means and consequently your dh, although perhaps inadvertently behaved like a prize prick!