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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

That it’s disrespectful

14 replies

RagingTiger · 20/06/2024 20:03

DH was home much later than expected this evening. He had been to the pub to watch the football where he works.

I text him to ask him if that was what he was doing, when it started to get a bit late - just a “have you nipped to the pub? Do I need to do you some tea?” relaxed text. No reply. These messages haven’t even been read.

text him about 40 minutes later, no reply. He rocks up home an hour after that.

I suspected where he was but my mum actually lives next door to the pub, which is about 20 mins away, so in the end I asked her and she confirmed he’d gone with my brother (they work together) so I was more chilled because at least I knew DH was ok and hadn’t crashed his car or something

when he got in he said he didn’t understand why I was grumpy.

I explained I was just a bit frustrated I’ve been up since 4am, after a bad night sleep with two young kids who were ill in the night. I’ve worked 7-3 before picking the kids up and running errands and then battling bedtime in the longest day of the year. It’s a horrible drive from his work to our home and when he doesn’t reply to my messages I worry something has happened. I asked if he would please just let me know his plans in the future. I don’t care about him going to the pub or whatever, just want a heads up. I’m so fucking tired, the kids are wired in the sunny evenings and the last thing I need is to worry about him in top of that

also the fact that I’m worried and have had to ask my mum where my husband is? It’s embarrassing. It makes us look stupid.

I said basically the crux of it is that I think it’s disrespectful to not check in if plans change from the usual. I always let him know if I’m running late, I’m popping out to do something on the way home etc.

and apparently that’s “overbearing”!?!?

please tell me I’m not crazy and it’s at least common sense to send a courtesy text

OP posts:
RagingTiger · 20/06/2024 20:05

I’ve just realised how long it is - huge well done if you made it through 😂

OP posts:
LetsAllOvercomeOurFears · 20/06/2024 20:05

So he leaves all the parenting to you and calls you overbearing because you have a reasonable expectation to be kept in the loop?

He sounds like a selfish prick.

RagingTiger · 20/06/2024 20:07

He’s gone upstairs to settle in of the kids and just text me “yes I’ll be home after the football” like he sent it and it didn’t go through… but the read receipts say he read my messages 5 minutes ago. What an idiot 😂😂😂😂

OP posts:
User1974 · 20/06/2024 20:07

Selfish and sexist.

Longdueachange · 20/06/2024 20:09

It depends how often it happens. It wouldn't have hurt him to have sent you a quick text. Talking about disrespect is slightly ott, but it is inconsiderate of him.

Dramatic · 20/06/2024 20:09

Selfish and disrespectful to you. I'd actually be really really pissed off about this. It's like he doesn't even think you deserve a second thought.

Icanttakethisanymore · 20/06/2024 20:10

When you have kids it’s not acceptable to assume the other person will pick up the slack without checking.

Gangof7 · 20/06/2024 20:17

RagingTiger · 20/06/2024 20:07

He’s gone upstairs to settle in of the kids and just text me “yes I’ll be home after the football” like he sent it and it didn’t go through… but the read receipts say he read my messages 5 minutes ago. What an idiot 😂😂😂😂

Not very bright is he 🤣🤣
and no you’re not being overbearing. It is common courtesy and he should have let you know.

LetsAllOvercomeOurFears · 20/06/2024 20:33

So thick and selfish. What a combo.

Pinkbits · 20/06/2024 20:36

He knew the England game was on so likely had it planned so not sure why he didnt just mention it.

Aquamarine1029 · 20/06/2024 20:37

It's not overbearing at all and your husband is an inconsiderate prick. It is simply basic courtesy to let your partner know where you are and what time you'll be home. He deliberately didn't answer your texts, just to be an arsehole. I'm sure this isn't the only time he's been horrible.

Sillystrumpet · 20/06/2024 20:38

RagingTiger · 20/06/2024 20:07

He’s gone upstairs to settle in of the kids and just text me “yes I’ll be home after the football” like he sent it and it didn’t go through… but the read receipts say he read my messages 5 minutes ago. What an idiot 😂😂😂😂

I’m sorry but that’s funny, what an eejit,😂

TheOriginalEmu · 20/06/2024 20:41

RagingTiger · 20/06/2024 20:07

He’s gone upstairs to settle in of the kids and just text me “yes I’ll be home after the football” like he sent it and it didn’t go through… but the read receipts say he read my messages 5 minutes ago. What an idiot 😂😂😂😂

That would wind me up more than the lack of text tbh. How dull does he think you are??

Purplecatshopaholic · 20/06/2024 21:03

Not the first time he’s been a selfish disrespectful prick I’m guessing… do you and your kids a favour op and seriously think about whether this relationship is worthy of you (clue: it’s not).

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