Am I being sensitive?

[botanicam]

We've had a really tough month. We've had breakdowns, birthdays, Father's Day, washing machine breakdowns, a vet bill. The list goes on.

We're fortunate in that we are usually "fine" every month but this week we're stretched and waiting for payday. Have the funds for the "essentials" but don't want to spend more than totally necessary.

Husband agrees. All fine.

Summer fair at school on Saturday. Husband tells child "we can't go as mum and dad have no money". I then overhear my child telling their friend that exact quote.

I am pissed off. Why are you telling our children about our financial situation and how shit it is???

AIBU to think a primary child just does not need to hear this?

Bloody hell, how much does your fair cost? We can spend £5 and enjoy it. Children can get strange fears and adult issues shouldn't be shared.

To be clear. I said to take money out to go to the fair....

I think it's a fairly standard thing to say tbh. I wouldn't go into detail with DCs about finances etc as they shouldn't be worrying about not having money etc., but to explain that they can't do something as you don't have any money is more a life lesson I think! Are you more concerned that your DC told a friend and you're worried what other people may think? If so, I wouldn't worry about that either. I reckon plenty of us are in the same boat atm! Nothing to be ashamed of OP!

I think a combination of him spilling money "worries" (if that's the right word) to our children and also that he's then gone on to tell his mate!

There’s nothing wrong or unhealthy about children knowing extra bills and expenses mean parents have less money. However if you are normally in the fine category I’m sure you can spare a few pounds for the summer fair

I don’t see a huge issue.

“we have enough money for all the things we need, plenty of food but we do sometimes need to be careful about the things we want”

It’s fine to tell children that there’s no money for treats. If your DH were telling your children they couldn’t have a snack when they were hungry because of a lack of money then you’d have a point, but it is not the same .

Yes You are being oversensitive...and precious/snobbish to be honest
Perfectly reasonable thing to say to a child...I might have added "this week" but kids need to understand the value of money and you can't have everything you want all the time.

This is a very valid point, not one I thought of. Thank you

I don't see the issue either

Kids CAN be told money does not grow on trees

You are just embarrassed in case the kid tells his parents

Correct! I am. But I really just don't think a child this young needs to know that stuff (but I take your point)

I hope this doesn't come across as completely tone deaf but we are fortunate that we have no money worries at all. My children lead a very privileged life which is completely alien to me as I didn't grow up with any money at all.

I regularly tell them that we don't have enough money for something (toy, treat etc etc) and we will have to wait until we get paid/we have made some more money to try and drill the value of work/money into them.

I (kindly) think that you are being over sensitive because you do have money worries and of course don't want your kids to be concerned. But I really don't think it's a bad thing to say to your children - it's a learning opportunity!

It’s a good lesson to introduce young, money isn’t endless, sometimes it has to be spent on repairs and that mean less treats that month. Plus if you had decided not to go, child asks why, or maybe just assumed they haven’t earnt it through behaviour, mummy and daddy didn’t want to take them, better they know the truth than think that

The last part of your message is absolutely correct and it's not tone deaf at all. I appreciate you commenting!

I think if anything I'm a little embarrassed because this isn't the norm and I'm now thinking will his friend tell his parents and will they think this is typical? (Also without sounding offensive and tone deaf as a lot of people do struggle and I'd never judge that either)

Also a good point!

@botanicam I think it’s fine to be honest and say no to kids due to lack of money. My parents told me along with the usual ‘money doesn’t grow on trees’ and I don’t know how many alternatives. School friends and I often discussed that theirs or my parents had said no to something due to money. Probably not the school fête though I guess 🤷🏻‍♀️

I think this is why I'm frustrated though. Whilst we said no extras, in my head that meant don't go buying clothes and other more expensive, unnecessary things. A tenner for the school fair, totally ok!

I think you’re just embarassed too, and it would indicate you have no savings, and that’s not fine op, it’s living hand to mouth, which is not embarrassing but concerning,. And I think it’s ok to tell your child that there is no spare money. And so what if people know. Only a twat would look down on someone for it, more they would be concerned. Lots of folks are in the same boat.