To think surprises are much more about the organiser than the recipient

[CeasarS]

It my birthday tomorrow. I'm not bothered, I'd be happy to have a birthday tea with my mum and an evening in with a film.

My friend, who is lovely, thinks I can't be on my own for my birthday and has organised a "surprise" that I'm not supposed to know about.

I don't know who's going, where we're going, what to wear. It could be something really wonderful, but I haven't had the fun of looking forward to it and planning my outfit etc.

I've also just been invited as a last minute replacement on something else. I'm not desperate to go and I've only been invited because someone else is ill (fine, I wouldn't have expected to be invited), but I'd have probably said yes, if I didn't think there's something else planned.

It's nice of her, but if she wants to do something, I'd have preferred it wasn't a surprise. AIBU?

YABU. The fun of planning an outfit? Doesn't exist.

my idea of hell i rather people have done absolutely nothhing than a surprise party

I’d love a birthday surprise. I’ve wanted a surprise party since I was a child and I’m still waiting at 41! 🥹

Even Mother Teresa had her own agenda (she was human after all).

Hmmm no, not really in my recent experience.

I organised it...but now I have this nagging doubt that I'm not going to benefit from it...

I had some surprise me with a visit mid week, and because I had no notice, I also had no time off, so they had to entertain themselves. I would have preferred a conversation first so I could make sure I was free, or if there was a reason I couldn’t get time off we could have discussed other days. Family didn’t use common sense!

Oh I agree. I have made it crystal clear to all my family that if ever someone suggests a surprise party for me they are to veto it with all of their souls.

It's difficult though. My mum has a strange personality where she hates to put herself first and would never arrange a party for herself, but also would really like a birthday party. So now we're in the awkward position where she wants (and expects) a surprise party. But if we ask her about it, like who to invite, we get loads of ohhhh nooooo not for me, how silly to have a party for me. But then she's annoyed when other people get one!

YANBU.
It is very much about the person who imposes upon the person an event they didn't want.

It seems like it’s getting more and more difficult for people to show spontaneous kindness and friendship. There are probably a few people reading this thread who would now be too nervous to plan a nice surprise for their friend and then a bunch of friends who will be quietly disappointed that no one organised anything for them. Please if you’re reading this, dont let random threads on mumsnet make you nervous about doing nice things for your family and friends.

Couldn't one organise something in consultation with the recipient though? Why's it have to be a surprise?! Unless I suppose you're really sure that's what the person would like. But such a risk of then thinking till the day that everyone's forgotten, which is not very kind.

What @Phineyj said.

When dh didn't organise anything for his birthday, I asked him what he would like to do. I didn't impose a party, because I wanted a party.