Is this normal?

[Anon456576]

I have mastitis, I have 2 young children, 1 of which is breastfed. I feel so so unwell, I’m in pain, I feel sick from the antibiotics and just feel generally crap and really emotional which I’m told is normal with mastitis.

I have persevered this week whilst my husband has left me to do his one night a week evening hobby and work as usual without offering me any help at all.

After 2 terrible nights with my youngest, I asked for help today. I explained that there’s no sick days from motherhood and breastfeeding but I would just really like someone to look after me today and do everything I’d usually do (apart from breastfeeding obviously) to allow me to rest and hopefully catch up with some sleep so I can actually heal. Well he’s not happy about that, been in a terrible mood since I asked. Slamming around the house, changing the subject so he can have something to be mad at me about (like Amazon prime membership charging the wrong card?!). He said he ‘can’t keep doing this’??? Last time he took time off work when I was unwell was when I went into pre term labour a year ago… He’s now getting ready for work, so I’ve now done everything I would usually do this morning to get the eldest ready, all whilst feeling like a swollen boobed zombie.

I’m just too unwell and exhausted to deal with this. I’ve seen so many threads about this before when a husband is angry when the wife is unwell and needs help!!! Why?!

No, this is not normal or acceptable! I’m sorry you’re feeling so unwell and that the one person who should love and care for you isn’t able to do that. I get that work can put pressure on people to be in work no matter what, but surely he could still show you compassion and support. I hope you feel better soon and that your ‘D’H steps up!

Oh that is just appalling behaviour by your DH. Just horrible for you.

I just don't know what has happened to the concept of love in relationships. Some men just don't even seem to like their partners let alone feel any duty of care for them when they are ill or in need of support. They won't do for their partners what even a total stranger would do out of common decency. Your DH is obviously one of those men.

Do you have a relative or friend who could come round and help out while you get some rest? You must be exhausted and sleep is a great healer when you are unwell.

That's awful. When I had mastitis it was what I imagine is similar to having the flu. I've never had proper flu so don't know. It was probably one of the most ill I've felt. I'm pretty hardy with stuff like that so my DH knew I was suffering. I was breastfeeding and he would bring DS in to be fed (like passing razor blades through your nipples) and then take him and leave me to shiver and shake and sweat and deal with DS. He would bring me food, drink or painkillers. I had a C-section infection too but he was my absolute rock. He would take DS out in the pram for an hour. Anything to make it all easier. You should be getting love and support. Imo having newborns is a difficult time anyway.

LTB

Also when I had mastitis it happened once on one side and then on the other. I got infected and needed two courses of antibiotics both times because it was so brutal. Have you got ABs? Keep a close eye on it. It can cause abscesses and all sorts.

Because some men are disrespectful pigs who don’t even want to lift a finger and help in parenting their child and will happily watch their wife struggle.

I wouldn’t be able to deal with this sort of man

Sorry your husband is a dick. Would baby take expressed milk from a bottle so your husband could at least give him a feed?

If you live in the N West, I can pop in aand help!
Sorry you're feeling so rough

So sorry you're having to deal with all of that alone. Do you have any family/friends that could pop in and give you a hand in the mean time?

Long term - you need to reconsider your relationship with this horrible, selfish, useless excuse of a husband/father.

You deserve better than this. Would you treat him this way if he was sick?

Tell your mother, sister, SIL, mum friends, anyone you can think of that you are struggling because he is refusing to help you while you're sick. Everyone else will assume you are being taken care of by him so they won't offer to help unless you tell them. You need and deserve some help

It sounds like he is angry at you in the same way he is at Amazon that an appliance is broken. He is an asshole. I hope you feel better soon. If he is ill I hope you do absolutely nothing for him.

Thank you all for your replies. You’re all so kind thank you. I’m honestly so upset, he really doesn’t care at all. Had the usual ‘should I just quit my job then’ so I said ‘why because I’m unwell and need help’ he just stormed off acting like a bigger child than my actual children. Anyway up to now my baby has had about 4 breastfeeds, she’s had breakfast and i bathed her and got her dressed. Need to do stuff in the house but started folding the washing away and just felt too unwell. Hoping she will fall asleep after a feed so I can rest while she does. The thing is I ALWAYS put my children first, even when I feel shocking because I care deeply for them, something I wished my husband felt for me to be honest…

I actually am in the north west. That is a really kind thing to offer. See how a stranger on the internet is willing to help more than my actual husband 🤯🤯🤯

@Gingerdancedbackwards that is so bloody lovely of you. Sad state of affairs when a stranger on the internet treats you nicer than your own husband 🤨

Unfortunately not. She is a major allergy baby too. She’s anaphylactic to dairy and soy (which I’ve cut out) she’s never took a bottle of my milk or hypoallergenic formula which I don’t mind because I love feeding her but definitely makes it tricky when I’m unwell. It’s not even the feeding her aspect it’s everything else :(

Yes I’m on antibiotics, also had the course extended by the gp yesterday and out of hours didn’t give me a full course. I’m also waiting for the breast clinic to review me as I’ve had issues with this breast!

Oh your husband needs a kick up the arse. As if you've not got enough to worry about. My little one has cmpa so I know how scary it can be worrying about a reaction. When you're feeling better I think it's time for a very strong chat about how your husband needs to start thinking about someone other than himself. Hope you feel better soon 😊

Sometimes men just need to be put in a bag and placed in a deep hole!!
A woman needs a wife (even if they have a husband!) because she will do what you can't rely on the husband for!
Take care. I hope you feel better soon.
X

How do you get on with his mum? Can you ask her to explain to him he's being a dick?

Bloody men thinking the world revolves around them.

Controversial statement but- I think the whole pandering to pregnant women and looking after them is good preparation for needing to look after the new mum. We threw the baby out with the bath water when we insisted pregnant women are not ill, they don't need special treatment.

Apart from anything else, I was ill! Sick as a dog.

I had mastitis whilst on mat leave and my husband had to take a day off to look after our then 3yo (and partially watch the baby) as I physically couldn't get out of bed.
You have my sympathies it's grim, the antibiotics usually kick in pretty quickly so I hope you're on the mend soon x

Mastitis is awful I had it with my second and was so ill, you have my sympathy. Don’t have anymore children with this man he has just shown you who he really is, a selfish prick.

Tell him to take a bag and fuck off. What a man baby. My deepest sympathies.