To be caught up in a “tragic” dramatic relationship?

[HungUp77]

From the title, you’d think an automatic YABU, but - after a 10 year emotionally abusive relationship, I met someone two years ago who was so into me, interesting, fun, adventurous etc, whom I felt I’d known forever. But the catch was, something always felt off - namely he would on occasion explode into a shouty tirade at me stemming from insecurity. I’d break it off, but we’d end up back together. Rinse and repeat. He had loads of counselling and got a lot lot more self aware, but I still would pull away and felt I’d never want to risk him around my young DC (as in, the risk of him having a go at me in front of them). He’s emotionally immature basically. We’ve called it quits again for about the 100th time, but I feel the pull and miss him. The weird thing is, after the counselling the explosive incidents went away, but I started to wonder if he was actually a decent person (I’d been attributing anything a bit snarky to his MH issues before). Am I addicted to the drama? Am I just sad and lonely without him? Or should I change myself somehow to make this work - is it worth it? Or should I press delete on the past two years and finally try and move on?!

I am in long term therapy - I’ve started even hiding it from my therapist

There you go then. If proof were ever needed that the whole thing was a bad idea, it’s this. And what are you doing wasting your time by hiding stuff from your therapist? You might as well go and sit in a cupboard for an hour for all the good it’s doing you. You’ve talked about how he’s a better person after having done therapy, but by hiding things from your therapist, you’re not allowing yourself to have the same chance of therapy working for you. Why not?

It’s not him you want. It’s the feeling of excitement and drama (which is actually the familiar and comfortable feeling of anxiety). If he was offering you a completely healthy and respectful relationship, I’m not sure you’d find him so attractive. He could vanish tomorrow and if there was another fucked up fruit cake there to take his place and give you those same feelings, I don’t think you’d miss him that much. So get rid of the need for that feeling of anxiety and your problems will become a lot less problematic.

Really pleased to see your update on the other thread this evening, @HungUp77. Wishing you continued resolve good sense going forward, and a more relaxed future!

I remember being in a drama filled relationship when I was mid 20s with a really amazingly hot guy, and it was that 20-something phase of all drama lol. But now I'd find it really boring and inconvenient. Maybe you needed to get some of this out of your system, I think it's time to say been there, done that, and walk away.

Definitely get rid OP, kids are involved and this could really damage them. A decent guy will make you SO SO much happier.