Best friends - how long between contacts?

[boombang]

I wonder, because other people in some threads seem to expect a lot more contact than I do. Just looking at my 10 closest friends.. (this is alphabetical by surname order - not order of closeness)

1. T. Local, having a very tough time, check in at least once a fortnight
2. N. Local, busy, once a month?
3. S. Long distance, I am Godmother to her children, 3/4 times a year text conversation? seen once a year?
4. D. Local, health problems, see once every 4-6 weeks, maybe 1-2 text conversations in between
5. Z. Long distance can go a year between contacts
6. A. Local, she is godmother to my children, text conversation every 4/6 weeks, see maybe every other month
7. I. Local, text message conversation maybe every 6 weeks, see every 3 months
8. R. Long distance, text message every 2 weeks see every 3 months?
9. E. Local, we share wordle and connections a couple of times a week and meet up every 6 weeks or so
10. J. long distance, share wordle and connections a couple of times a week, meet up every few months

AIBU to think a text message with a friend every 2-3 weeks and a meet up every 2-3 months is perfectly adequate for adult friendships? In hard times you may obviously have more contact with friends, and in busy times maybe less.

These are my 10 closest friends, and all have been close friends for more than 10 years, and all but 2 have been close friends for more than 20 years. 2 have been close friends for more than 30 years.

I'd expect to speak to my closest friends more than twice a month, personally. I'd also expect to see them more than every three months unless they lived a fair distance away.

I really feel it's not about quantity. I have really close friends I haven't contacted for years at a time - the record stands at 6. And we picked up as if it had been 5 minutes.

My DH and I are best friends with a couple, we speak to them once or twice a week, we usually see them once a week at Church and then outside of Church we'll arrange something maybe once a month.

Other 'best friends' I'll contact once a week, maybe once a fortnight, and have a decent text conversation, and meet up once every 1-2 months.

I do have a best friend who is long distance, we can have 3-4 weeks between text conversations, and meet up for important events (kids birthdays, around Easter and once before Christmas).

Every relationship / friendship is so individual. I would say there’s nothing wrong with your friendship set ups and there’s also nothing wrong with adults texting daily and meeting weekly. Whatever works.

Personally I am somewhere in the middle.

I speak to my best friend every day.

I speak to other close friends most days.

Same!

I have friends all over the world as well, so some of them are on different time zones.

Then, I have friends I’m not quite as close to but speak to every other day. It’s very random with me!

I spent Christmas at one of my best friends house last year but haven’t seen him since, spoke to him about once every month this year and hoping to meet in the summer.

Quality of contact is much more important than quantity. I think what matters most is that both parties are happy with the frequency of contact.

I speak to a close friend every day via WhatsApp and currently meet up about once every 4 weeks (we work together but I'm currently 10 weeks in to mat leave)

Another friend I have known for 33 years, we speak about once every 3 weeks and meet up every couple of months.

3rd friend, known for 24 years, text once a month and meet up every 6 weeks or so.

4th - known for 22 years. Text about once every 4 to 6 weeks, we don't meet up much as she works long days. Think I last saw her maybe 8 months ago? We are meeting up next week so she can meet my baby

I wouldn’t consider someone a good friend if I didn’t speak to them every couple of months. I only text people I can’t be bothered with or don’t want to talk to.

I have a close friend who I see maybe three times a year at most and exchange a only a few messages with in the interim, but when we meet up it feels like we saw each other yesterday. But she lives a distance from me, we both work and have family commitments. So when we meet it's for a whole day and we have a nice lunch, go to gallery or similar, and talk and talk.

The friends who live locally I usually see once every week/10 days, but usually for coffee and for an hour or so at the most.

So it's very individual.

If you talk to them every couple of weeks I wouldn’t say that’s a best friend
sounds like you have quite a few close-ish friends rather than if people have 1 or 2 best friends they would talk to them a lot more.
because thats not really best friend level support to talk just every few weeks to someone going through a hard time
that’s what I would do with friends who are more friend of a friend but I do like them and get on with them, and care about their difficulties

well you are wrong, I am very close to these people, and we are long term very close friends

@boombang I have a similar set up with my friends too. We're close but we have jobs and young families and it means we can't see each other as frequently as we'd like and as for messages, we do the 'how are you / been thinking of you' but we're not messaging every day. Not sure what we'd message about every day!? I know I don't have enough things going on to warrant daily messages! Obviously when something is going on then the messages and check ins are more frequent.

It’s so heavily dependent on individual circumstances it’s difficult to have a general rule

I'm mid 50s. Oldest school friends, group of 8. Mainly WhatsApp group and meet every 3 months/away every year
Other old friend, traffic I'd mainly one way, me to her but
I message monthly
Final old friend, lives abroad WhatsApp every couple of days.
Life is long, don't leave people behind or cut ties for want of the odd text.

Is this a stealth boast to say that you have 10 close friends?! 😁

Close friends

50 years msg once a month lives very long distance

35 years msg couple of times a week and FaceTime every couple of weeks lives very long distance

30 years msg once a month, long distance see each other once a year

24 years msg once a month, long distance see each other once a year

20 years msg occasionally live localish meet up couple of times a year, two friends like this

25 years msg every couple of weeks lives 30 mins away. Msg every couple of weeks and would see each other more but her life is crazy with work, divorce, job change and a child with serious health issues.

20 years msg every week, lives local, meet for lunch every couple of weeks if she can fit it in, at least every month.

20 years msg multiple times a week, lives local. Meet rarely due to her work commitments

20 years lives almost next door used to meet up often but she is caring for her Mum with advanced dementia so very rare currently

15 years msg every few weeks used to live local but retired and moved 300 miles away used to see each other every week.

15 years msg occasionaly meet up about 4 times a year, she had a surprise baby in her early forties and has a crazy schedule

13 years live local meet every week for lunch

2 years live local meet up once a month

1 year live local, msg often meet up once a month

Age range 42 to 75.

Bulk of friends are aged between 50 and 60.

My best friend and I are much the same.

We can go a month between contact without too much bother. I'd like to see a lot more of her, but she in particularly is a busy person and it just doesn't always work out. She lives local, about a 15-20 minute drive away.

She's hopeless at replying to texts as well. I'd text her and not get a reply for days and days, and then the moments gone. I've basically stopped sending the casual sort of "day to day" texts now, as I don't get anything back. I now only text her when we're arranging get-togethers, or when we're swapping photos.

My other best friend lives a 2-ish hour drive away, and doesn't drive herself. We have a facetime "date" pretty much most Friday evenings, so keep well up on the day to day of each others lives. It's something we started doing during covid lockdowns and just kept it up. We try and go away together for 2 or 3 nights once a year.