School holidays with newborn

[MaltedMilk88]

Due our 2nd next month, eldest is at school and breaking up about the time due to give birth.
What do we do? Recovery could be a pain if have to have a c section
Already feeling so bad for my eldest that they aren't going to be able to do anything much because of newborns arrival
Any tips to help us navigate until September?!

Its a new thing when parents feel pressured to always be ‘doing something’ with their kids in the holidays.

Just rest and chill. Potter round the house and garden.

Holiday clubs! I would ask other parents at school what camps they’re doing and try to coordinate- gives you a bit of a break whilst recovering and they get to get their energy out with friends.

That was exactly our age gap too and that summer when my dd was just about 2 months. It was hard as she had a few health issues at the time which meant 90% of my focus was on her. Do you have any help? We hired a PT nanny for a few weeks that helped SO much. She took him to clubs/ just hosted play dates at home / played with him and then helped with the baby.
It was tough though because even though I had help, I couldn't give much attention to him. BUT it was just one summer out of many so in hindsight it was just a difficult patch. A year later and it's all good.

Have you had a CS? 🙄

Op you do need some help for at least 2 weeks. Recovery and just adjusting to two will be tough. You need some help.

That's fine for a few days, maybe even a week, but OP has 6 weeks of holidays and needs time to rest and recover. 6 year olds aren't really known for resting, chilling and pottering around the house especially ones who loves sport and being outside.

You don't always need to be doing something, but having a few holiday clubs or activites lined up will help break up the holidays.

I've had 2 c-sections. The first two weeks will be tricky. I know you have your own business but your DH needs a few days off to help you. Or have you got any family that can help with your older child? Definitely book him into a sports camp for the first two weeks.

A good paddling pool will really help if it's good weather.

Don't underestimate the excitement that will come from having a new sibling. It will probably be an incredibly memorable holiday for her and am amazing opportunity for bonding.

Also I’ve had 2 ELCSs and OP I echo those saying you need help in the early days. Caring for the baby is fine. But anything that involves bending, lifting (heavier than baby) or twisting needs to be avoided and there will be a limit to how far you can walk initially. Driving isn’t 6 weeks but you’re not going to want to 3 days after either. So if DH can’t take traditional paternity leave then could he cut down his hours just for 2 weeks so he can do the household stuff you can’t like dishwashers and laundry, and drive the eldest to/from holiday club? After that then all being well you’ll be fine. But you risk splitting your stitches and impeding your recovery if you push it too hard too soon.

Paddling pool is a great idea. And be really organised with food shopping. Get it all delivered. Maybe batch cook a few dinners if your husband won't be back on time to cook.

I would say I had great recoveries and 4 weeks post section I would have considered myself pretty much exactly as before but no way could I have put the food shop away during the first 2 weeks. The bending and lifting required is exactly what you’re told to avoid.

@InTheRainOnATrain I meant before the c-section!

Ahhh that makes sense! Yes definitely do that.

Agreed!

Given supermarkets delivery into very late at night, schedule deliveries for when he's at home.

He does need to take a couple of weeks off though.

maybe for you.

My own grand-parents never spent an entire summer holiday "pottering round the house and garden" when they were little

People often have a fear of c section recovery, and often (but not always) that's from people that either haven't had them, or had emergency ones after a long labour.

being REALISTIC about major surgery is not "having a fear", give us a break. I am glad you were all recovered by day 3 or 4, managed a newborn all by yourself and be out and about on day 4, well done you. It's not even recommended to over-doing it even if you feel fine.

There's no other major surgery as swiftly dismissed as a c-section.

The garden is your friend

At 6 years your child will be fine to occupy themselves at home. Get activities organised. An art box with crayons, stickers, paper, colouring books, dot to dots etc. Play doh, jigsaws, building blocks, pop up books, games that aren’t screen based. Your eldest will understand that you are recovering. Your child can help you get a nappy and put the dirty one in the bin and wash their hands. Lots of tasks they can do and feel proud to do - picking up their things, clearing their plate up etc If your child needs to go out to the park if you haven’t got a garden then get a babysitter for this time.

Can you set up a load of playdates, and say you'll repay the favour in due course?

Buy a lot of garden toys and make the garden the main activity base. I often find mine are happiest spending hours playing in the garden and it’s minimal effort for you/very easy and a novelty/you’re within easy reach of baby changing facilities etc

You'll be fine. Last year I had baby in July who was in NICU for two months. I was up and walking around same day as section because I obviously had no choice.

Had two at home so I spent mornings and evenings with my eldest two at park or in garden and full day in NICU each day with my baby (who was not expected to make it home) and often through the nights when she was at her worst and I didn't want her to pass away alone.

I say all this to say you will manage. It's more for your recovery than the baby, as if you have a healthy one (as I expected) they are portable and sleep most of the time.

I know thinking ahead it seems impossible but you really just get on with it, whatever your circumstances.

I would book some holiday camps/clubs for your older DC, at least in the morning. Can your OH drop them off and pick them up around work? If you have any half-day camps around where you live, you can send your DC for 3 hours in the morning to run around and have fun with other children, and then have them back home for lunch and a chilled afternoon playing, watching TV and doing whatever you feel up to doing with them and the baby. And that way you don't feel like you're sticking them in camps and clubs for the whole day when you're at home with the baby. I'd also ask other parents if they'd have your DC for playdates and promise to reciprocate later.

But realistically I think you do need some activities for your DC that other people are running/organising. You're going to be sore and exhausted. And although people are saying let them potter, your older one is 6 not a toddler and ime children that age benefit from a certain amount of strenuous physical activity most days, which you won't really be in a position to provide at first. Later, of course, you'll get out for walks and to playgrounds and soft play, but you won't be up to it at the start. So a sports or activity camp for a few hours a day will probably be beneficial for both you and your DC, if only to prevent you having an over exuberant 6yo making a nuisance of themselves around the baby 😂.

Can't help with the newborn and an older one as I've only one DS but some ideas of things to do:

School holiday club or other local club, our football club does holiday club training, we also have local tennis camps

Play dates with friends

Visit to soft play if walkable, older one can play while you sit

Libraries, museums, children's centres, youth clubs, local community group sessions

Cinema trip or film at home

Outside at home: paddling pool, chalk, football and net, hoopla, boules, soft dart board, watering the flowers, sand pit, swing ball, bat and balls, toss and catch ball set - amzn.eu/d/i97ar4N, treasure hunt,

Inside at home: does he have access to a tablet/ console? YouTube kids, films, any apps/ websites he uses for homework, reading books together or him reading to baby, activity books, hot dots activity books amzn.eu/d/7H0hFrT, treasure hunts, playing shops, arts and crafts like play dough where you're not as active

If you're anywhere near Leeds I could probably suggest or particular things!

It's definitely not a quick recovery on the inside. Takes months for the layers of tissue to heal properly.

I definitely wasn't out and about on day 4 after my C Section. More like needing assistance around the ward....in absolute agony.

Good luck with your new baby OP. Take small steps don't be over ambitious. It's major abdominal surgery.

I would make plans for the first 3 weeks that assume you won't be able to do much with your 6 year old. Holiday club, new toys, get them to help you when they're at home, call in a few favours from friends, and your husband will have to take some time off too. If you over do it your recovery will take longer and you might end up with complications. You can go to the park but long days out walking round NT places are a bad idea. Then in the last 3 weeks you can probably manage a few days out, but don't try and do too much. It will be a different summer for your 6 year old with more time at home but doesn't have to be boring. Make the most of local free activities and friends

As you’ve got a garden get one of those pop up tents. Books, a kiddie zoom type camera, art materials, Lego etc and he’ll have a great time. A sand pit in a box is also a good idea. If he has easy going friends invite one round at a time.