My partner is super defensive. Throughout our relationship, if I've ever pointed out something he has done that is negative, he gets super defensive and comes back at me with hurtful comments pointing out my flaws and quite a few times how I am as a mom.
I pointed out yesterday that he is on his phone a lot, maybe I shouldn't have as I too can be on my phone at times, but it was relevant to the situation we was in. It's a bit like those is glass houses shouldn't throw stones, however I said the comment and that was enough to set him off. He completely denied been on his phone a lot, which is simply untrue, although I immediately regretted saying it I wouldn't withdraw a statement that is correct.
He started getting worked up saying I'm on mine at times too, I said that is true and agreed. He lost it and was saying I'm calling him a bad dad, not once did I say this!
I said I never said that I just pointed out he is on the phone or his laptop a lot. He starts repeating over "when, when, when am I on my phone." So I give example.
He doesn't like this, he then starts ripping in to me saying its hilarious you say I'm on my phone a lot I never see you playing with the kids, when I get home from work I'm just with the kids and your no where to be seen (this isn't true)
Then he added I'm always running around the house like I'm mental or I am pretending to keep busy (I'm literally cleaning, cooking and getting things ready for the next working day)
The thing that hurt the most was him saying I'm running around like I'm 'mental' as I've opened up to him that I suspect I am on the spectrum or have adhd.
I want to add when we have had arguments in the past over other topics like what I do around the house and how I feel I do a lot this has also resulted in him slating me as a mother, how I don't play with the kids enough etc.
Sorry for the essay. AIBU for pointing out his phone usage especially when I am not innocent for using my phone. And AIBU for being upset at the comments he has made.