To ask what it's like not to have anxiety

[greyskiesandcarpet]

I am 42 and have crippling anxiety around work. I think and worry about it 99.9% of the time! Will I make a massive mistake, am I doing something wrong? I am in a middle management job. Whats it like to not worry about work and to be able to leave it at the door? Did anyone use to have work anxiety and then managed to cure it? I feel like life has a constant cloud over it and I can't enjoy anything 100%. Please can someone give me hope.

I was like this. Nothing to do with hormones or being peri. I was just fretting about it and I wasn’t even senior. I found a good job after the recession and felt unreasonably worried that I would get fired because there were loads of other people who could do it better.

What helped me was to monitor and mirror other people’s behaviour . I didn’t trust myself but I would observe what others would do when they didn’t achieve a perfect result all the time and slowly over time I learned that nobody does and that it’s all work in progress .

Watch the Pale Blue Dot.

The first week on them, yes, I felt quite panicked at times. But after speaking to my dr and the pharmacist for reassurance it did pass. I found changing what I was doing really helped. So getting out for a walk or having a shower and just reminding myself it was temporary. They did pass over quickly, and there is no guarantee you will be worse before better. People get different symptoms with anti depressants, some get no issues at all.
I remember feeling nauseous. But the nauseous feeling from anxiety was way worse. I took the tablets at night to stop this and that passed quickly too.

I got massive anxiety through Covid and it transpired that I was also peri.

HRT massively helped and I am also on duloxetine.

Now mostly not anxious at all.

Then you need to to rest and recover from that. Your body needs to learn that it's safe again. 🧡

I sympathise completely.

My anxiety is free floating and generalised. I'm scrolling mumsnet just now and my adrenaline is pumping and my stomach is churning as though I'm in a life or death situation, there are no worries in my head, it's purely full on physical symptoms of anxiety, complete flight or fight. I'd say that this is my situation for about 70% of any given day no matter what I'm doing, it's not situation dependent.

I'm truly sorry that you're going through this, it's blooming awful.

@Woodstocks fabulous advice. Thank you. I do think who you work with makes a big impact too!

@Famfirst oh I feel you! It's constant and people that don't have it make you feel like you're just being neurotic/sensitive

Highly recommend CBT. Helped me hugely.

@SergeantDawkins was there a specific type of CBT you found helpful?

I have severe social anxiety. I believe everyone is looking at me or talking about me. Writing it out, I rationally know it's impossible, ridiculous, and not true. But I get a million thoughts running through my mind when I'm in any sort of public space or setting. I take sertraline and all it did was make that noise stop. The thoughts and beliefs that everyone is looking at me, just went away. It's been life changing.

Back to your original question… everyone worries about work to some degree. Everyone brings it home and vents.

The real question is can you turn it off?

Yes I can. So far this week I’ve had an employee die suddenly over the weekend, I’ve had a key employee turn in their resignation, I’m behind on a big project that I will be traveling for next week, a supplier has decommitted on a product that will mean I’ll either have to pay a stupid amount to expedite or I’ll miss my revenue goals.

By all definitions I’m having a shit week. This is a little out of the ordinary but not the worst week I’ve had a work by any means. I’ve vented to my loving DH, I’ve commiserated with my boss, and I’ve supported my team

I’ll sleep like a baby tonight because there’s not a damn thing I can do about any of it. Except that I have a plan B for the team losing their manager, I’ll make up my revenue numbers somehow (or I won’t 🤷‍♀️) my supplier will figure something out and I’ll get just enough of my project done to keep me afloat.

At the end of the day I’ll figure it out or they will fire me. I have a plan B for that situation as well.

Do I know what the difference between you and I is… not a clue. But I suspect compartmentalization comes into play. Mine is probably overdeveloped at this point but hey ho what can I do.

Breath work and meditation/mindfullness is seriously underestimated in anxiety situations so it’s a great place to start, it takes practice but works. Try 4/7/8 technique and something like headspace.
Also ashwaganda is great as is CBD. I like the nutrition geeks one. Magnesium Glycinate will help with peri sleep which also helps the next days anxiety.

Also gut bacteria is super important for your mental health, your on a losing battle if that is poor.

Hi @greyskiesandcarpet

I used to suffer terribly with general anxiety and last year was the most stressful year of my life. I was going through an extremely stressful split after having been married to a very awful abusive man so obviously that accounts for some of it! I was also working in a very toxic workplace. Those two factors alone were horrendous - I genuinely felt on the brink of aneurysm most of the time!

Things that helped:

• leaving the exH. Duh. It made me realise how much of my anxiety was a direct result of being married to a highly anxious and abusive man
• starting a relationship with someone loving and supportive. What a revelation 😂
• Leaving the toxic workplace, having a few months off, and starting a new job. The work equivalent of leaving the awful husband. I was so burnt out that for the first few weeks, I would drop the kids to school and go home and sleep for 2-3 hours. I swear it took 2 months for my cortisol levels to drop.
• Dramatically cutting back on alcohol. My exH was a heavy drinker and when I was with him I was drinking 3-4 nights a week- now it’s maybe once a fortnight. Huge difference to my sleep, mental clarity, resilience- I function easily on 6 hours sleep a night now during the week.
• Therapy - personal and career coaching. I found it very validating to talk about how I was feeling and feel heard & validated. E.g. I’ve always felt a bit of an imposter in my career despite being to all intents and purposes pretty successful. The coach basically said to me “do you think you’re the only one who feels like that? The insecurities of type A over achievers is literally where the profit margin in this industry lies" 😂 I found it really reassuring 😂

I haven’t needed antidepressants thus far but a friend is on sertraline I think and swears by it. It is incredible how much of my anxiety was situational though

@greyskiesandcarpet THis is me too! I now get a period every 21 days when it used to be 28. And like you have I have 10 days where the anxiety us almost uncontrollable and then the other 11 it's like a bubbling brook!

How are you getting on?

I have complex PTSD and only dont have anxiety because I take the correct medication and have had nhs psychiatric care and read up on everything about my condition.
If you have anxiety you cant just not do anything about it. You have to be proactive.