Why are some men unreasonable when it comes to child maintenance?

[Zakyn]

My case - why would my ex (divorce in process) quit his almost £50k a year job from home to avoid child maintenance, just to be unemployed, then look for work again, have 15 unsuccessful (full round) interviews and financially struggle/be broke/live with his mum.

He doesn't see his child. I have initially asked him for £50 a month😭which he refused before taking it to CMS. Why would anyone do this to themselves? Our child is only 5, so surely his initial thought weren't to be unemployed for 13+ years.

I've tried long and hard to think of a reasoning behind his decision but other than the fact, he's utterly stupid, nothing rational comes to mind.😩

To punish you.
Because they feel you are getting the money, not the child.
To wield power and hurt you with it.

Because in an ideal world every child would have 2 parents who want them equally but just because 2 people have sex and a pregnancy comes of it doesn't not mean it happens

It can't be that hard to understand we don't live in a soap opera

Nor 'but I thought it would bring us together' is another gem, why?

First reply nailed it. Revenge. Control. Misogyny.

Because the money goes to you in the child’s behalf, and he doesn’t want to give you anything.

Because they perceive the money as going to their ex-wife or partner, who in most cases they won't be feeling an awful lot of warmth towards.

Because in some cases they may not have wanted the child.

Because society let's them.
It is seen as acceptable to never see your child, to pay as little as possible and to blame the mother.

All while chastising the mother for struggling to pay for childcare, for being on benefits, for not affording activities etc.

He’s going to regret that especially as you were only asking for £50 a month. Is he going to live with his mum for 13 years?

Because some deadbeat fuckknuckles men know you'll provide the child with everything it needs on your own, so convince themselves that any extra money from them is just spends for you, because the child already gets everything without it.

Because he has a very full opinion of himself.

He thought he could quit his job in order to get a higher % in the divorce and avoid CMS for a while (further disadvantaging you because you'll struggle to pay legal fees during the device), then get another job afterwards.

He thought he'd have no problem getting a new job (because he's fabulous, obviously).

It will obviously all be your fault that he is now homeless, jobless and can't afford to support his kids. He will now think you've ruined his life and so he is justified in being bitter and twisted towards you forever.

Some men can't see beyond the end of their noses.

Indeed.

Mine should have been giving me around £600 a month. I "let" him pay the odd £50-£70 when he felt like it because luckily I was a high earner and didn't need the support. He chose not to see DS, so I didn't have anything to do with him other than occasionally notice a tiny amount plop into my account. He paid 90% less than I was entitled too. You'd think he'd be appreciative of that.

The moron then decided to spread lies about me preventing him seeing DS. So I went to CMS. And now he's on the hook for £38k of arrears and another four years to pay.

It was a planned pregnancy.
Before we got married, we agreed to start trying for a baby after our first anniversary and I got pregnant exactly on our wedding anniversary.

Because they can 🤷‍♂️ ex spends so long plotting revenge against me he hasn't had the time to work out he is only hurting himself and his own much wanted children

Short answer, because they're dicks.

Presumably the dick to non-dick ratio is likely to be higher in the population of divorced men than it is in the population of non-divorced men. Women are more likely to divorce men who are dicks, and those men continue to be petty, vindictive twats post divorce, now with the added motivation of punishing their ex, regardless of how it harms them as well.

Obviously, not all divorced men are dicks. My Step-Dad is a wonderful bloke, who worked relentlessly to make sure his kids got a decent amount of maintenance.

I think he may have regretted it already...but there is no going back. He had an excellent position is a highly reputable organisation with lots of benefits. He threw it all away.
I don't know what his plans are but he's been living with her for a while now. She encourages his behaviour. Cooks and cleans for him. So, he might actually continue living with her.

My ex husband moved to Germany to avoid paying CMS and didnt see DS for 10 years. His words.... im not giving you a penny of my money. Trouble is he didnt buy DS clothes and shoes either. And no xmas or birthday presents.
Now DS is an adult exH keeps emailing me to ask why DS doesnt ever want to see him. I just say...have a think about it. He doesnt get it.
I think he must have fallen on his head as a baby
or something.

I think some think they should be able to just opt out of parenthood for a bit if they feel like it and get quite bloody minded about trying to achieve that, even if it's to their own detriment.

My friend's ex husband walked out on her and her DC, telling her that he felt too young to be tied down (late 20s and 2 x planned children). At the same time he left a well paid job and moved in with his parents. He refused to pay anything towards the mortgage or the children and told her she should move back to her parents (with the DC) so that they could sell the house and split the proceeds. She heard from mutual friends that he was convinced that if he kept his income very low for a few years there would be some sort of agreement in the divorce that meant he never had to pay any maintenance. Apparently he thought he was very clever having come up with the idea of selling the house immediately because he thought he'd be able to use 'his' half to pay for a year or two travelling and partying, have maintenance permanently calculated on the basis that he had no income and then return to a well paid job with no ongoing financial commitment to his DC.

He was rather shocked to find that this was not how things worked, and that his old work place didn't want him back when he worked it out. His justification was that his DC would be perfectly comfortable living with grandparents and would no go without anything under this arrangement. So as pp mentioned, in his view anything he paid would be to make things better for his ex, not his DC.

Exactly this! Thank you.

Because they're entitled arseholes who can't handle women saying no to them.

There's plenty of them about. And they all end up miserable, when they finally work it out, far too late.

To the posters above saying 'they didn't want a child' - well tough, you had sex, you had a child, your responsibility now.

To the posters above saying 'they don't want the wife to get it' - indeed, so that makes them spiteful and bitter to deny a child, their child, because of spite.

Thank you.
He absolutely is so angry and rageful towards me. He despises me when I've not done him wrong. He cheated. He left😅

His exact words to me were "let's see how you manage without me" followed by an evil laugh. Although, I didn't leave him initially, he left with the affair partner all the whilst I was sat at home, thinking he just needed space to be alone to find himself.
He's very bitter that I've made a good life for myself and DC and he's the one struggling.

@Zakyn he has to make it your fault because otherwise it would be his fault. That's too hard to accept, so it's easier to blame you.

Hold your head high and leave him to screw up his life. He'll never accept blame, and he'll do all he can to disadvantage you. All you can do is plough on and not let him see that it bothers you

In their very small damaged brains they cannot separate their innocent child from its mother. A woman who quite possibly committed the most evil crime known to mankind, and LEFT HIM. Its the one small amount of power they can grasp at to even if it means blowing up their entire lives and future to do so. Its pitiful.

Because they’re so consumed with impotent rage for their ex, it overrides any tiny amounts of love and consideration they might have for their child. They’re pathetic excuses for parents.

Because he's an arse.