Pupil putting all the responsibility on me to gain good grades

[Whendothingsstarttoimprove]

Can anyone offer me any perspective/help with this?

I do part time tutoring and help a 12 year old girl with her maths. She very poor and really struggles. She’s told me that her teacher at school is a good teacher, but even though she asks for help a lot, he tends to ignore her hand up and go to others. She always asks to stay after the lesson for help, but told me she still doesn’t understand it.
When we go through things slowly together, she does end up understanding, but it feels like I’m teaching every concept from scratch.
She has tests at the end of each term and there are often up to twelve topics to cover within a few weeks -5-6 hours.
She did manage to get a C last time, but in the most recent test, she got an E. Comments she’s made feel like she’s expecting to get an A and it’s all my responsibility to get her to that, is this fair? When she showed me the E, she seemed angry at me
I can see without my help, she basically wouldn’t understand anything and these few lessons do make a big difference, however it’s very hard to teach her completely from scratch.
Should all the responsibility be on me?
With the other subjects we focus on, she now gets A’s & B’s in her tests.

This pupil sounds like my DD. She appears to understand and retain stuff in the hour she is working with someone and then by the time a test comes - even the next day she can't recall anything.

We had her assessed , once in primary and again in senior school and during both assessments she has been found to have slow processing. Primary school did nothing to help her but her senior school have helped her massively with one to one tuition , special revision apps and by arranging extra time for her GCSEs

We found a tutor who specialised in helping children with SEN and she uses lots of visual ways to teach.

My DD will likely only scrape a few level fours in her GCSEs if she's lucky but without this tutor who has helped her since she was in Y4 she wouldn't even have been able to sit her Y6 SATs let alone GCSEs.

@pikkumyy77 She’s been back at school since September and is doing great, it was last year she had high anxiety, it’s true though, there are other issues.

@AngelsWithSilverWings Yes, I mentioned assessment to her mum last year during all her troubles, but mum seemed quite offended and was very dismissive.

It sounds like this is really bothering you because you're identifying with her projected notion that you're responsible for her grades. So you're feeling helpless and frustrated. I would work on just accepting that she's having a difficult time with all this and putting it on you (as it's easier than acknowledging the fact that she's not good at maths/wont get good grades- hard to accept if she's a perfectionist) but that you don't have to take this in. You can just let the comments roll off you and keep gently reminding her and her parents of your remit. I wouldn't stop tutoring her as you might end up with another, similar student so think of this as a good bit of personal growth for you in not taking too much responsibility. You don't need to engage with it, or run away from it by stopping tutoring her. Just keep plugging away with clarity about what it is you're doing and what is realistic to achieve.

@Whendothingsstarttoimprove it's hard as a parent to hear that your child may have learning difficulties and it's even harder to get the help and the assessments unless you have money to pay for them. If she is paying you for lots of tutoring the chances are she could possible afford to have an assessment done.

We only got an assessment at primary school because DD is adopted and when school wouldn't help we contacted social services for support and they had her assessed. Even then the school did nothing to help her with her learning.

Senior school was better but still not provide all the support she needed and it was only when we transferred to a private school that she was reassessed and the help out in place.

So I do get why the parent may be reluctant to get an assessment done , it's expensive and doesn't always lead to any help being given.

What we did was develop realistic expectations of our DD and encourage her to do the best she can and not compare herself to others.

I don’t there is any issue with a non specialist primary teacher tutoring Year 7 (or even Year 8) maths, as long as you are comfortable with it.

What does come across as a little odd is that you seem to be engaging with her adult to adult and taking her criticism seriously, rather than teacher to pupil and giving her clear expectations of what is required from her.

You should clearly explain what you can and cannot do and make sure she is left with some papers and mark schemes to work on by herself (or with her parents, if they can help).

As a secondary school teacher, Year 7s are often regarded as weak Year 6s, as many go backwards from feeling top of the school to bottom, and maybe having been tutored a lot in Year 6. So, just treat her like a Year 6, not almost like an adult (obviously this varies pupil by pupil, but it sounds like you are expecting her to be more mature than she is).

@Newbutoldfather Not expecting her to be more mature than she is. She’s a nice girl but very spoilt and often decides when she wants a lesson and when she doesn’t and mum goes along with this. She’s also highly sensitive, so gets upset if I say anything she considers remotely upsetting, it’s a fine line to tread.

@Whendothingsstarttoimprove ,

I have taught a LOT of girls like that, albeit in a classroom setting (private central London girls’ school).

I find the trick is to treat them firmly but fairly and to do the same with their parents. Once you start to give in to their wiles, you are both letting yourself and them down. Unfortunately it is ‘my way or the highway’. Of course you do risk losing the money, but is it really worth it to do anything else?

Ultimately, they will thank you for it.

I wonder if she’s one of those children who may have missed out on a lot of the basics due to Covid? If she’s struggling with the fundamentals and never caught up then she’s always going to have a hard time with more complex stuff. Maybe she does need “from scratch” teaching in maths and if so that’s something you need to discuss with the parents.

Of course it’s not on you to get her high marks but I wouldn’t personalise her frustration over the poor grade she got. She clearly wants to improve which is a good thing and I think it’s understandable for a 12yo to feel frustrated and confused about why she’s failing despite (to her mind) putting in the work.

Hi, OP -

This is tough and as I come to your post from an HE STEM perspective I will mainly focus on the Maths learning, which has universal aspects.

It sounds like you’re doing a great job overall, but also that you might be a bit afraid of taking the lead with this girl, or I might be reading that in to your posts.

Maths is cumulative. Even if she is wanting to focus on what seems most difficult, work on that topic is not likely to stick if she doesn’t have a reasonable background. If she wants to do Y and you know she is weak on its pre-requisite X, can you lean heavily on the use of X within Y to persuade her to master X, at least somewhat, first?

Maths also needs a certain level of computational facility. (This can be overdone; there is a happy medium.). If your tutee is getting it while with you but it isn’t sticking, she needs practice and her parents need to know this. It’s no different to learning a foreign language in this but today’s pupils may have less experience than many of us of the comparison.

I hope the situation improves because I find her attitude pretty appalling, even given her age. I agree a constructive chat with the girl and her parents, incorporating the need to do some Maths practice (I would offer to mark it gratis or else assign problems with solutions online) is a good idea

Best wishes

I would never dream of saying to a child and tried to be kind with my words (I didn't say thick did I! ) But we are allowed to be realistic here. Not every child is brain of Britain with a high IQ. Parents quite often are looking for reasons (ADHD/Autism/Dyslexia etc) as to why their child is scoring 5/35 and their peers are scoring 25. Sometimes (and actually quite often) it's just that they're not that intelligent. Just being honest with over 30 years experience and it doesn't mean they don't have other skills. I had a Year 6 child come to be a year ago who was working at the level of a Year 1 child. Nothing I can do as a tutor in one hour a week is going to suddenly make their child pass their Year 6 SATS. However, we have made huge progress from where he was at and I'm proud of his achievements. Quite often with the way schools are now, it's left to me as the tutor to break the reality to the parents.

With regards to the OP and this child she is tutoring. 4 hours a week is a large commitment financially from a family. I would imagine she's feeling the pressure from the parents, directly or indirectly. I also (and this is just personally) don't feel it's appropriate as a primary trained teacher to be teaching 'other subjects' at high school level. Maths and English up to Year 9 fine, but honestly, us primary teachers do not know anything about Science or History other than being a page ahead of the children with our own educational standards.

I wouldn't have any child for more than an hour. The expectation from the parent gets out of hand and this is the end result. Parent would be better off forking out for private school!

PS @AngelsWithSilverWings says something important: if the child is comparing herself with others and/or worried that she is letting down her parents, that’s awful. You’re in a good position to reassure her that she need only make a good, consistent effort (I hope that is true).

It is good for me and possibly you to be reminded that we don’t know what may lie behind her poor behaviour

It sounds a little tricky but as you are thinking it may come to an end in September anyway, there's no harm in being a little firmer with her.

The tests are there to show what she needs to work on. A low mark shows she needs more practice with certain concepts. Tell her that she knows what to do but she made some silly mistakes and that means she needs a bit more practice. Leave her with some homework.

I also think it's fine to say that you are only doing an hour of maths a week and have a lot to catch up on so can't cover it all in the sessions. If she really wants good marks she will need to work consistently in her own time to put the practice in.

Be encouraging but make it clear that your job is to make sure she understands, her job is to practice until she remembers.

@brightyellowflower She is a private school, money isn’t an issue for them and parents fairly relaxed

I just hated the way she showed me the test and the attitude she had when she said we didn’t cover this part (which we have done in the past lots of times and she is free to look in her book and practise) but didn’t focus on this time and saying she wishes she would have known it as she would have got higher marks. There was an accusatory tone to it, thinking about it more now it’s annoying me. She can often be rude about her cleaning lady and roll her eyes and say to me she moves all her work books and is annoying etc, I don’t know she’s got quite a spoilt attitude
Her dad prepared cheat sheet revision sheets for revision and then she said most of the things we studied from it didn’t come up on her History test, I’d already said to her we need her school books to study from also.

You need to speak honestly to the parents to manage expectations. You can't turn brass into gold

Could it be that she needs to a different maths class in school as she's just not getting things the first time they are taught? Or extra maths support to remain in her current class?

Seems like you're being used to plug the schools gaps for children with less math ability. For a private school that's just bad.

I've accepted I'm crap at maths but if I'd had that I might have managed in o grade in it. Or then again poss not .....🤣

Sounds like the wee soul is a (though spoiled) bag of nerves too so I'd suggest if she gets a new math tutor that if the parents afford it, you keep seeing her too afterwards or next day etc for a while to make sure she's understood him ok and gets it and isn't scared to ask questions. And that he understands what she needs too.

As a parent, would you expect them to be getting higher marks if you hired a tutor? Bearing in mind, there are improved results in all other areas and the information she gives about her teacher and not understanding in class

You can teach her maths until the cows come home, but you can't teach her to be more intelligent.

Private tutoring is hard OP. There is a huge culture of 'I pay therefore I expect'. No, it is not your responsibility to get her good grades. It is your responsibility to explain the concepts in a way she understands, answer her questions, set her tasks and correct them. She then has to put in the spadework.
Don't take any crap from her or her parents.

Presumably if maths is the outlier in terms of the pickup in her grades then there could be something else at play eg dyscalculia?

No, it's not down to you.

Do you have a written plan for her development? That way you can both see if she's meeting milestones and you can also add feedback on what she does well and what needs improvement. That way, she can't blame you when she gets an E.

What a lot of people fail to acknowledge is that the teacher and tutor are just half of the whole equation. To succeed, it’s also the independent practice and revision that is needed. So, a good teacher is just the beginning and I see it as teamwork. Just because someone has a good coach doesn’t mean they will win the Olympics.

@Legomania Mentioned to mum last year and again she poo pooed getting assessed

If she excels at all other subjects but maths is a stumbling block where she's getting Es compared to As surely you should signpost her parents to get her assessed by an Ed psych.

Either a WISC V to see how her brain works generally and whether there's a working memory, processing speed or other issues or to specifically look into dyscalculia if it the struggles are limited to maths.

Are you teaching the correct techniques from a Secondary school POV if your training is in Primary Ed?

If she needs to practise outside of tutor sessions then Seneca do paid subscriptions if she doesn't have a account via school or even BBC bitesize for free.

She is going to blame you because she is 12, 12 year olds don't want to accept responsibility for their actions that's quite normal.