Most people are terrible at listening

[SmugglersHaunt]

Just something I’ve been thinking about recently. I did Samaritans for a few years, years ago, and one of the main things they taught was ‘active listening’. I remember at the time thinking what an amazing, underrated skill it is, and how rare it is to let sometime just talk and say what’s on their mind, and how potentially valuable it could be if taught to more people, particularly with the increasing instances of poor mental health.

But in recent years I’ve found that people’s ability to listen to others worse than ever. In fact, often appalling. Not sure why this is. In so many conversations, the vast majority of people are either a) just waiting till they can say something in response b) immediately leaping in with advice in response to a problem, c) not interested (fair enough I guess) or d) distracted by something else (usually a phone)

Sorry, not really sure what the point of all this is, but I just think proper listening is needed now more than ever. Has anyone else noticed this?

No.

Yes, I’ve become very quiet because this behaviour makes me feel like people don’t really want to listen to what I have to say, and frankly cba to push my point across

I agree op; it feels like most people just want to talk and never listen.
I feel like I know lots about some people’s life whilst they know barely anything about mine.

I fully agree! It's especially bad in group settings. People waiting for their moment to jump in with their point rather than genuine interest in what another person is saying. I prefer one to one settings but even at that I seem to be default listener and usually the one asking questions but don't often get the same back

Any tips op?

How did the Samaritans do it? I'm not great and do try to jump in with a solution or to distract

I've noticed it too. I tend to assume they're not interested in whatever I'm saying or don't like me. I don't think they are just bad at listening per se.

currently trying to meet new people, so not continuing with those people is an option.

(also, meeting a lot of people who want to go on about their trauma).

I reckon people have always banged on about themselves really. Why do you think listening to others is needed now more than ever? Do you think people have it tougher now than at any other point in history?

We live in a world where people are on project. It's sad but true that people are occupied with their own image.

I agree with all your points except B. I think it's natural to offer a solution to a problem and that is actually what a lot of people want. My friend told me when she was training for the Samaritans that was something she struggled with and they taught her not to give advice so I think perhaps it's your training that taught you that, or maybe you just do it naturally, but I don't feel it's something everyone should do or that others would all want them to not offer advice.

I wonder if it's a combination of information overload and our contemporary 'informal' communication style. I am listening to some lifestyle podcasts and with some of them I am really struggling on how chaotically the narrative is created.

I think it's a modern day problem; there are too many media distractions which seem to take the place of proper conversation. That said, there have always been people who are incapable of effective verbal communication, but there seem to be far more of them these days.