To make dd pay for her iPhone repair

[GHSP]

Dd is 13. She is a lovely child and very well behaved generally but sometimes has an explosive temper. She lost patience with a school art project she was trying to do for homework, tried to snap it in half and couldn’t so she stomped off, throwing her iPhone onto the floor as she went.

The back glass of her phone is smashed, but it’s still working. Her phone was a Christmas present, and I had her old iPhone8 in the cupboard. I’m transferring all her data and setup onto her old phone and I’ve told her we can go to the Apple Store and get a repair, but she will be paying for it, and if she hasn’t got enough in her account she can forfeit half her pocket money and birthday money until it is paid off.

Although she’s very upset that her phone is smashed, I’m keen than she gets a life lesson from this about managing her temper, so I’m not inclined to take pity on her and contribute to the cost myself. AIBU?

When my back glass smashed I put a case on it and forgot about until my phone needed an upgrade.

You should at least offer her that choice.

Our kids both had jobs at 13 and they paid for their phones if they wanted anything better than the cheap Samsung we bought them. Its surprising how much longer stuff lasts when you work hard for it.

Maybe she doesn’t mind that it is smashed and would rather pay a small amount for a case that will stop further damage rather than repairing it?

I did the same with my daughter last year.
She'd had her first phone a few days and she was messing around and accidentally smashed the phone screen and it didn't work.
It was cheaper to buy a new phone.
She worked off the cost of the new phone over 6 months by doing extra jobs etc.
We really didn't want her to feel that expensive things like phones can be so easily replaced.
But also wanted her to experience getting her phone in good time for high school.

Depends. If you're really, really sure that the reason she flew off the handle is just because she's quick to anger and not because there's something deeper/more complex going on then yes, making her pay for it would be a valuable life lesson.

Some kids are dealing with things they shouldn't be dealing with, some don't have the basic support at school they need... some are just angry teenagers who need to calm down. Assuming she falls into the last category, making her see the consequence of a fit of anger is actually a kindness on your part.

I don’t think you are being unreasonable at all op.
it sounded like the red mist descended, and thus time it was her phone that took the brunt of it.

unfortunately, it will be expensive to repair, and she may in turn learn to think about counting to ten before hitting out again. Hope your plan works xxx

Well that’s learning the hard way. Maybe she will behave better next time.
Although perhaps let her ‘earn’ help towards paying for it by making amends for her bad temper, learning to be kinder and deal with her emotions in a more mature way. If she is old enough to have an expensive phone she is old enough not to throw toddler tantrums.

Even if there’s something complex going on, a natural consequence directly linked to her behaviour can help all parties: it’s clear, it’s closed ended, and it’s fair, but it also ensures she knows there are boundaries (which can sometimes help with security).

Several chats about what’s going on in her life once she’s calmed down are also probably in order.

Almost the exact same thing happened to my 13yr old dd’s phone, but she dropped it on the floor by accident about 4 months ago. It doesn’t really work very well but she uses her I pad to message friends. She’s not keen on using an ‘old I phone’ so I refuse to pay for it to be fixed until her birthday the end of the year. I don’t feel guilty at all as they need to learn to take responsibility for their belongings, especially if they are expensive. I’m certain she will look after it with more care when she has her upgrade on her birthday. If she is desperate to get it fixed before then she can save her pocket money 😊
tbh if she’d thrown it on the floor in a temper I wouldn’t be upgrading or paying for it on her birthday. I’d make her use my ‘old’ I phone until she is more responsible.

Where did your kids get jobs at 13?!?

I think it's important to ensure that a child doesn't feel and isn't punished for someone else's failure so in the case of there being something complex, the consequences might need to be dialled down a bit.

But some teens are just far too angry. I was a disproportionately angry little shit when I went through puberty and if I'd had an iPhone at the time (I'm too old for that to have been a thing!) and broken it in a fit of rage, I would have benefited from having to pay the repair/replacement cost.

I have done this. I did find a person on r bay that does it and isn't expensive. I didn't bother sending it off in the end because I didn't want to be without the phone. Tbh a glass back is asking for trouble 🙈 with the case and screen protector it's absolutely fine :)

Sorry E bay

Did it have a case and a screen protector on in the first place? Mine don’t get phones without these. They’ve dropped them the odd time (as have I) and no breakages as yet!

I think unfortunately the cases are only so good. Mine stopped the screen smashing (amazing!) but the glass back on the I phone is pretty rubbish tbh. I didn't have a gorilla case this time which may have saved it.

If it's just the back glass that's smashed I would give her the option of buying a case for it instead - not sure I'd bother to pay the cost of a repair for something that can be hidden and doesn't affect the use of the phone.

It's a good learning experience to make her pay. Mine chucked his in temper and I didn't replace or repair. He had to earn enough to buy his own through his gardening job. He sure didn't chuck it ever again. Doesn't hurt dc to understand consequences

Yes, they need to learn that stupid actions have consequences- I’d do the same.

Well I took it to the Apple shop today, having found on the phone it’s be £169 to replace the back of the phone, but when they looked at it they could see that the structure was bent, so we are now looking at nearly £600.

DD is weighing up her options about whether we replace it with a refurbished or ex-demo phone. To be fair to her she is not arguing with the fact that she will need to pay, but she’s struggling to imagine having £500+. I have said she can pay me back slowly, and earn some money with chores. It’ll probably be half her pocket money and birthday money for a couple of years, which is more of a punishment than I’d like, but then £600 is a fair chunk of my salary and I’d rather she learned the lesson.

Why don't you give her the choice of getting a less expensive phone new as a replacement ?

My phone is a nokia and it only cost £120. Then she can have that as a punishment for wrecking the old one until her birthday and christmas come up and then get a new iphone if she is desperate to have one. If she has to have IOS then maybe an iphone SE would be cheaper than a repair.

Giving kids highly expensive stuff before they have learnt to control themselves or look after them doesn't make sense to me.

And IMO you need to think about why she is getting so angry and that she needs to learn to control herself, because it sounds like she has issues. Frankly I would be more worried that she is going to land herself in serious trouble with violence than I would be about the phone. Schools don't tend to react well to that sort of stuff these days.

Yes!
A parent who actually ‘parents’ their child.
Well done op, hopefully others will follow your lead.

Phone insurance will vine it but keep the replacement and buy her a cheap phone.

I'm not sure I could make a 13 year old pay me half their pocket/birthday money for two years over this, to be quite honest. I'm all for teaching them a lesson but there comes a point where it just creates resentment and seems a bit...well, pointless IMO.

Can't she just get an old iPhone from somewhere for £50 and use that?

What actual lesson do you think you're teaching her? Especially with a bloody payment plan.

She threw something in anger. Not acceptable. She broke something you bought in anger. Not acceptable. Her only consequence is what? Paying you 5 quid a month till you get bored of asking.

She can't be trusted with expensive phones. So she gets a 20 quid brick until she can buy her own.

We had her old phone in the cupboard. She has decided that she will use that for now and save for a replacement.

For the posters asking what the point is: clearly she is very upset that she has broken her very nice phone, but she gets to experience the consequences of her actions - her behaviour was out of order for about 5 minutes but she’ll not have a nice phone for about a year as a result. She knows she was at fault and knew the consequences as soon as she saw the phone was broken as I have always said that if one of the dc lose or break their phone I have a cupboard full of Nokias for them to use.