Son suspended from school

[confusedeffie]

Hi - Looking for some perspective on an incident that happened today at my son’s school. He is in year 10. I received a voicemail today that my son has been suspended from school for 4 days for intimidating a student along with a group of others. I called back once I’d seen the message (45 mins later) but the school office was closed. The voicemail said I’d receive an email with further details.

When my son got home from school, he explained the incident. A child had made a derogatory comment towards another child and then lots of jeering commenced. My son went over to see what was going on. The group of boys then followed the child who had made the comment into a different classroom and a fight broke out between the 2 boys. My son said he immediately left to get a teacher but as he had witnessed the altercation they said he was also responsible for following the crowd. I accept that my son may not be telling me the truth and reading between the lines, they seemed to have ganged up on the boy but the voicemail did not seem to suggest that my son had been involved in any fighting.

I have not yet received an email so I’ve emailed the headteacher to get clarity but I just wanted to know whether I’d be unreasonable to kick up a fuss about the length of the suspension. Four days of suspension seems extreme. Never before has my son been in any trouble so I’m not sure how normal the punishment is - it feels extreme to me but hoped for some perspective before I become ‘one do those mums’. He is extremely upset and anxious about what will happen with his end of year exams as he will miss some of them.

I would personally wait for the email, check the level of detail and then go back to them if I was still unsure.

I'm sorry he's in this position. Schools don't always get it right.

He needs to consider how the boy who was ganged up on might feel.

See what the school say, but from your ds description it sounds like your ds was part of the group that followed the boy into the classroom and made him feel intimidated, even if he didn't intend that and was just being curious. Next time it would be better if he didn't do that.

A crowd followed the boy. Your son was a part of that crowd. He did wrong as he added to the intimidation factor because he wanted to see the gossip unfold.

However 4 days seems a lot if what your son describes is the whole situation. Unless this is a big concern in the school where students have been spoken to repeatedly about this type of behaviour.

The guidance is if you see a situation leave immediately and notify a member of staff. Your son chose to stay, but more importantly intentionally followed. Groups of people intensify the situation and in this case it did escalate.

Did he follow the group out of curiosity or was it concern as he then went to get a teacher to stop the fight. Seems to me it was a good job he did follow the crowd because presumably none of the other children took responsible action to get the fight stopped.

Thank you for your replies - I’ve given my head a wobble and have come to terms with the suspension. I was just so out of the blue as I’d only ever received positive feedback from school.

I have spoken with the headteacher today and it seems his hand was forced into giving all boys the four day suspension because he could not get to the bottom of the incident as witness statements did not corroborate with each other. I understand that my son is at fault for putting himself into the situation - he definitely initially followed due to not wanting to miss out on the ‘drama’ rather than having any concern for the boy. It will be a hard lesson to learn - it just seemed harsh but in retrospect he’s 15 not 5 and should clearly know better.

What a very sensible response. As a teacher, I wish all parents were like you! I think your reward will be a well-behaved son who knows how to make good choices.

Would you think 4 days was excessive if a group had ganged up on your son and followed him like that?

Well done OP.

Refreshingly sensible reply from.a parent. It not always like this.

What a sensible mum - thank you. I only wish more were like you and could see the lessons the school are trying to teach re behaviour.