Will ASD child always be this full on?

[Shrimpshapednuggets]

Those with autistic children - how likely is it that my 4 year old will always be this full on? He needs constant supervision (no danger awareness) can be absolutely lovely but has such a temper when things don’t go as he expects them or wants them to, I struggle with how he will sing or shout phrases at the top of his voice and people stare at us, not because I care what their opinion is but because it kills me to see the way they look at him and it sends me into this rabbit hole of if people can be that judgemental of a 4 year old how will they treat him as he gets older?
He sometimes likes other kids, sometimes likes being alone doing his own thing. I worry about him making friends, as in will he actually have any? He has never been invited to a birthday party and I worry that if he ever is, he won’t have a clue what to do and it will be a disaster and he won’t get invited to another one.
I cry at least twice a day, with worry and sadness.
does it get easier? Thanks if you read this x

Op. My son is 10 and has come so far since his very anxious/volatile/frustrated early years.
He's my calmest child at home most of the time-now the world & his feelings make more sense to him.
I feel I've had to put triple the effort into parenting him and explaining things to him as things didn't come instinctively compared to my two nt kids but seeing the progress he's made and how he can cope with things now is so rewarding.

Friendships arent easy and the best decision we came to was to pursue and ehcp and get him into specialist education so he could be with other autistic kids like him.

I've been on a journey of acceptance and pride of who he is and how his brain works. But there's been many tears and stresses on the way.

My sons 19 now and he's so much easier.
I was warned about the puberty years and how horrible he would be but nope I thing once puberty started he's mellowed out so much I can take him anywhere and not worry about him behaving.
He has very limited speech and severe learning difficulties but he's got the most amazing smile and he's so sociable he just loves to be out and about.

Honestly thankyou to everyone who has taken the time to reply, to read that others children have had a similar presentation to my son and are now happy/settled means so much to me. I’m sure you’ll know what I mean when I say at the moment everything just seems so worrying and I can’t imagine a day when he is calmer and has friends, listens to instructions etc 🙈

Based on a sample size of two...

50:50 chance.

SUCH a good idea for a thread.

OP in my experience those who’s kids don’t turn out right are the ones in denial, who try and bully their kids into being normal, don’t get a diagnosis, head in the sand etc. Those are the kids who turn out to be nightmares.

Those who get the diagnosis and the support… yes you have to fight for it but the support does work and help long term for most

@Shrimpshapednuggets - yes the other school parents can be very judgy as can most other people and it's truly hideous to be on the receiving end. And the lack of party/etc invitations too. However, over the years, there will be 1 or 2 school parents who can recognize what is going on and really do try and help.

When ds had been in his SS for a few years (always as a day pupil although most were boarders) I arranged an Event-based Birthday Party at a local venue and invited all his fellow pupils. It was a great success.

I'll never forget the parents of a newer day pupil coming up to me to say their ds had never been invited to a party before - all I could do was to hug his mother tightly and say I know.

Unfortunately nobody can say its a massive spectrum and impacts everyone differently there are always lots of positive reply on these kinds of threads. And whilst I don't want to rain on anyones parade. Posters can only say how things have turned out for THEIR child
My son was diagnosed at three and still has very complex needs it's got easier in some ways but harder in others your child will have their own trajectory and you can't compare two children on the spectrum

@x2boys I know, totally get this. I’m just in such a low place and trying to cling to anything I can at the moment if I’m honest

And thats ok.

my husband is like you, he needs positive stories to cling to.

i always prefer to know the worst case scenario to be prepared.

Turns out I didn’t need to be prepared really my son has turned out simply perfect and adorable. When he was 5 I couldn’t imagine saying this but if there were a ‘cure’ for autism I wouldn’t want him to have it (unless he wanted it of course) as i just wouldn’t change a thing about him.

My son’s psychiatrist said the main variables with outcomes were early diagnosis, early intervention and parents willing to do the work, take on board the techniques etc. It sounds like your son has all of these.

Mine is 14 now, he’s less full on all the time but the hard times although less do seem harder. So when you’ve got a child same size as you for example having a public meltdown and attacking you it really difficult, when they were smaller there was the option of containing them or picking them and taking them to safety. However the meltdowns do seem to be less and he’ll spend quite a lot of time in his bedroom chilling like other teenagers

Kindly, I think you're overthinking the "making friends" thing at this stage. Even a lot of NT 4yos in reception will struggle with making friends (either not really wanting to, or not knowing how to go about it). And then you get to Year 1/2 and having "friends" mostly seems to mean telling a lot of people that they're not invited to your party 🤣🤣

The rest of it, I'm afraid I can't help. But my approach to all parenting is to try to spend my energy on the things that are actual problems right now, not the things that might be problems at some point in the future x

One of my friends has a child with autism. She said the same as the above post. If your child is diagnosed with autism. Get the help you need and don't be afraid to fight for it. Work with your child, join local autism support groups as someone with an older child might give you advice on what helped them at your stage. My friend did parenting courses for having a child with autism as well.

She said that some parents don't want to admit their child has autism or don't want to get them tested. They can have any number of red flags and chose to ignore them.
As their child grows up it becomes more apparent and the child behaviour just gets worse.
It makes life far harder on the child and harder on the parents long term.
The earlier they get help the better they do long term.

I've only skimmed through the replies, so sorry if already mentioned, but wanted to add - you may find it helpful to adjust your expectations (I can't think of a nicer way of saying that!). For us this didnt come naturally initially. You've mentioned willing him to have friends and wanting to go to parties, for example - does he actually want those things?

We're about 12 months ahead of you by the sounds of things, just coming to the end of reception in a very inclusive school. I know my child wanders around on his own, in his own little world at lunchtime, but that's fine because that's his choice. After working in a busy office all day, I take my lunch hour alone too (and I'm neither autistic nor have the emotional maturity of a 5 year old). My son has been invited to a lot of parties (reception class so lots of whole class parties going on) but we've politely declined on the basis that they just wouldn't be enjoyable for him, they'd be far more than he can cope with.

It's hard to adjust your mindset to the child you have compared to the way you may have imagined things would be though 💙

I get that and whatever happens you will come to a place of acceptance regardless of what your child's needs are
I really am not trying to be pessimistic because I don't know your child
What helped me was seeking out people who were on a similar path and understood the difficulties we were facing.