What is it about some people that makes others want to please them?

[Viscoelasticity]

Could it be charisma? Is it seeing something of who we want to be, in them?

Just reflecting on how some people’s opinions of me / my life matter to me more than others. Certain teachers, certain bosses, certain friends. Not always the most well liked ones.

Am I making any sense here?

Perhaps it is respect…

Edit: I’m actually pretty sure it IS respect. So my question is evolving… how does one earn true respect? What sort of person earns YOUR respect?

It's an interesting question, I respect my current bosses because they're hardworking and they know what they're talking about, I've had more than a few who seemed to make it up as they go along, didn't learn from mistakes or misjudgements and who showed no respect to anyone else, and although I showed the basic respect because they were the ones who decided that I had a job, I didn't actually respect them.
That's not to say the current ones don't make mistakes or misjudgements because they do - but they learn from it, apply that new knowledge and change things. They also treat us with respect as well, which I think is a huge factor in who we respect, it's really hard to respect someone who doesn't show you any.

In fact for me at least, a lot rests on how they treat others and what their motivations are behind the actions they take.

And I think you're right that we probably respect people we aspire to be like and charisma plays a part. I don't just respect the bosses but most of my colleagues whether junior or senior to me if they have the same qualities.

Edited to say - how many times can I cram the word respect into one post?! 🤣

I think people are more likely to respect people that are truthful and knowledgeable (usually in a specific area). On top of this, the most respected people I know are very tit for tat in terms of treatment. That's to say, they don't go the extra mile for people that consistently disrespect them. People that generally show little respect often realise they cannot get it from this type of person without giving respect in return.

Thanks for the thoughtful answers @HospitalitySux and @mightydolphin .

An old teacher of mine died yesterday, which set me thinking about this. There was an outpouring of grief from the community even though he wasn’t even always well liked, I can think of several fallings out with staff and parents and I can remember as a child he was never my favourite teacher … but his opinion mattered. I respected him. Even into adulthood if I saw him in Tesco I would secretly want to tell him what I was up to and see a smile of approval.

I think for me it’s a combination of:

• Personal integrity - being true to yourself and your values.
• Holding high standards, for self as well as others.
• Genuine commitment to a cause and / or other people.
• Care, kindness and genuine interest in others.
• Self-respect.
• Respect for others.
• Open-mindedness.

For me, anyway, I think those are the qualities that earn my respect.