AIBU for not coming to my kid’s school play?

[PinkPavlova]

My kid is 9, and she’s having her first school play this year. However, I am away on a work trip when her plays are taking place. Both the grandparents, aunties and uncles and nephews and nieces are watching, but she’s still mad and says it’s not enough. My husband is also watching, but apparently she needs me there and won’t now talk to me and is in a real sulk. I feel so bad but I HAVE to go on this trip, it’s a really important business deal I’ve agreed to make.

Have you definitely got tickets for all the family @PinkPavlova. Schools normally limit them and then offer extras if there are spares

How is your school allowing so many family members?

My dd was upset I missed her school play. There were 2 performances and I went to one… apparently that wasn’t enough 😩
it’s disappointing but it’ll be okay.

Completely agree that you have to go to the work trip & that DD will just need to understand that. Yes it's disappointing but one of those things. I think she needs to understand that she's important and you love her but work is what puts the roof over your heads etc....

First school play at 9?

Didn't she have a nativity etx in any of the other years - obv covid hit 2 years Xmas at our school but before dd started

But she had so many others

Amazed allowed / we get two tickets usually. 2 parents. Or parent and granny etx

Can dh video it

School is fine for videos and pics as long as not put on social medial

But yes disappointing but she had many people watching

Sadly it's work. You have to work

One of my lasting memories from childhood is that my DF almost missed one of my major school events/activities when I was 12. He was travelling for a work trip, and was supposed to return early that morning but his flight was delayed. He arrived just as it was starting. Even though he didn't actually miss it, from the time I found out about the work trip, I felt like I didn't matter.

Talk to your daughter, and if you really can't change, please explain that it's not your choice to make this time.

It's life, it happens sometimes. You're setting her a great example of an independent woman working. Ask the school if they can film it.

Oh behave yourself.

@Ponderingwindow
Thanks for your advice! It’s really good to hear it!

Just to clear things up for many of you here, my daughter is in a drama club. There are only 8 in this club and the hall is MASSIVE. It can fit about 50 people in, and the other kids don’t have many going, as I did check before, so we can fit everyone in, as miraculously they’re free!

Talk to her and tell her you will be there for lots of other things she does that you cant get out of your trip it is work related.
It doesnt mean you dont care its life you have to work and sometimes it takes you away.
Can dad not video it on his phone so she knows you will see it later on .

Not the OP but we don't even ticket shows. It's usually standing room only but never a problem.

Yes but you did matter he was away working for his family , in life you dont get everyone dropping things for you in case you feel you dont matter.
Teach kids resilience and understanding that work life isnt an option its a necessary part of life.
Maybe if you look at it this way you will understand itscnot about his feelings for you and your show he had to work.

That’s ridiculous. He wasn’t on holiday, he was away for work. You know, the job that brought in the money to feed, clothe and house your 12 year old self.

That is a crazy number of people so might be making things worse to be honest. I’d calm it way down and stop talking about it. She’s probably just over excited.

my children know that my husband and I have jobs so we can’t do everything. We are immigrants so it’s just us so it’s quite common for just one of us to go to something. Almost anything at the school has a 2 ticket limit anyway so we can’t bring our son and someone needs to stay with him. I know she’s disappointed but it’s good to show her how hard you work for the family.

Don't feel bad. Tell her you will watch the video.

There are countless of reasons why a parent can't be there. She is disappointed but tell her to stop being so dramatic.
You can be a very supportive parent, it doesn't mean kids have to believe they are the centre of the world.

Both the grandparents, aunties and uncles and nephews and nieces are watchingthat's a ridiculous amount, how big is that school hall to fit everyone!

that's not normal.

I can't think of one parent who has attended ALL the events, and I can't think of even one child who had both parents at every event.

I don't even know many teachers who manage to attend even one event, they're working in other schools at the same time!

She’s just having some big feelings. Don’t be scared of them, and feel you have to jump in and fix her feelings (or yours). Hug her, and let her know you’re disappointed and sad about it too.

I suspect your DD might be playing you a bit, knowing you feel guilty. Maybe I'm wrong I obviously don't know her. My mum missed my Dsis first day at school, I was a lot older so saw it all play out. Mum was up in a heap over it and kept apologising. Dsis would say 'if you loved me you'd be here' etc then she'd grin at me when mum was fawning all over here promising trips to McDonald's or whatever when she was back. She got a load of toys and treats out of it and when Mum said goodbye she did a big sad face until the door closed then made a face at me. She didn't give a shit when I brought her to school with Dad, she didn't mention Mum. Just bear it in mind OP.

This was a special event on a Saturday. Most students had two parents in attendance.

Do you see all emotions as "ridiculous"????

Just to clarify...these were emotions felt for about 2 weeks when I was 12yo. I think there are some major overreactions here!!!!

I’ve got a boy in year 4. Both DH and myself work professional jobs, and whilst we do usually manage to wrangle it to get one of us there for plays and sports days and what have you, often it is only one of us. He understands, frankly there’s not a lot of choice!
you’re very lucky as we are only allowed two tickets per performance, even for the one they put on in the town theatre!
you aren’t alone. Hopefully you can make the next one.

I get the strong impression that if this was ‘just a meeting’ this poor woman would have moved it. I don’t think she’s cancelled her daughter’s performance for the weekly team meeting, do you?