Hi everyone,
My first time posting and I'm afraid it's a long one, I have to tried to shorten it.
My husband (38) and my mother (56) don't always see eye to eye. He does sometimes respond to her and her actions in passive aggressive ways, such as my mum turning up uninvited in the evenings and he wont say anything directly, but he will make a comment that makes her feel unwelcome.
So the weekend before last my mum took my DS1 who is 10, out for the day. She returns him later and DS tells DH that he drove his grandmother's car. She went on to assure us he was safe but failed to recognise the fact that what she did is illegal. My DH told my DS that he wasn't angry at DS but GM should have checked with us before doing something reckless. Behind DH back, my mother called him a bastard and was hurt by his response. She left shortly after. I spent the rest of the evening having a disagreement with DH about the driving and comments.
The following day, my mother is now calling DH a C* for the way he speaks to her. I informed both of them by text that they need to sort this out and I will not be getting involved. (I have huge issues with what she did as she put my DS at risk, but that's a separate issue I'm dealing with so I won't mention it anymore in this thread, but doesn't mean I don't care or I'm letting it slide).
By Tuesday i have had no response to my message and dont think anything of it, so I try calling her to arrange childcare, she doesn't answer. I text her and I get "yes" as responses to me asking if she can look after the children on Wednesday.
I tried calling her on the Wednesday but she didn't answer, so I phoned my dad. He passed the phone over, there was no hello, how are you. Instead she said "yes I'm still picking the kids up" through gritted teeth.
I asked if she wasn't talking to me and she said she wasn't. I will cut the back and forth out, but she starts to scream at me that I took DH side and not hers and insinuated that I didn't appreciate what she does for me. She told me not to talk over her and that she has a right to be angry and to tell me how she feels. This went on and I tried to be calm but she wouldn't allow me to speak or tell her that my message was me setting a boundary. I ended up hanging up because I could feel myself getting angry. I told her not to worry about picking DC up as I would get someone else to do it. I didn't want to finish work and come into my home to find my mother screaming at me as she looks after them at mine.
Several days have gone past now, she had sent me messages telling me that I "MUST" listen to her and that I will not talk over her again, and she is trying to blame me for us not talking currently. I have sent messages saying that I get she is angry, but that she is aiming it at the wrong person and that I will not be apologising for setting a boundary. She also has said that I have taken her GC away to punish her, and that I get to vent so why isn't she allowed.
My dad is trying to get me to phone her because her mental state is not great and that this is important, I asked him if it's that important to her, Then why isn't she phoning me to apologise for the way she spoke to me. I got a response from mother saying "I am if you are", which I think is her responding to my message to dad, and she is telling me that she is ready to apologise but only if I am.
We are in a catch 22 because I don't think I have anything to apologise for, and she claims she has done nothing wrong.
Aibu?